Part 14 (1/2)

Shades of difference of ecclesiastical opinion declared themselves in their hats, costume, and jewellery.

'Be seated, gentlemen,' said Merton, and they sat down on three chairs, in identical att.i.tudes.

'We hope,' said the man on the left, 'that we are not here inconveniently. We would have waited, but, you see, we have all come up for the match.'

'How is it going?' asked Merton anxiously.

'Cambridge four wickets down for 115, but--' and the young man stared, 'it must be, it is p.u.s.s.y Merton!'

'And you, Clancy Minor, why are you not converting the Heathen Chinee?

You deserve a death of torture.'

'Goodness! How do you know that?' asked Clancy.

'I know many things,' answered Merton. 'I am not sure which of you is Mr. Bathe.'

Clancy presented Mr. Bathe, a florid young evangelist, who blushed.

'Armenia is still suffering, Mr. Bathe; and Mr. Brooke,' said Merton, detecting him by the Method of Residues, 'the oven is still hot in the New Hebrides. What have you got to say for yourselves?'

The curates s.h.i.+fted nervously on their chairs.

'We see, Merton,' said Clancy, 'that you know a good deal which we did not know ourselves till lately. In fact, we did not know each other till the Church Congress at Leamington. Then the other men came to tea at my rooms, and saw--'

'A portrait of a lady; each of you possessed a similar portrait,' said Merton.

'How the dev--I mean, how do you know _that_?'

'By a simple deductive process,' said Merton. 'There were also letters,'

he said. Here a gurgle from behind the screen was audible to Merton.

'We did not read each others' letters,' said Clancy, blus.h.i.+ng.

'Of course not,' said Merton.

'But the handwriting on the envelopes was identical,' Clancy went on.

'Well, and what can our Society do for you?'

'Why, we saw your advertis.e.m.e.nts, never guessed they were _yours_, of course, p.u.s.s.y, and--none of us is a man of the world--'

'I congratulate you,' said Merton.

'So we thought we had better take advice: it seemed rather a lark, too, don't you know? The fact is--you appear to have divined it somehow--we find that we are all engaged to the same lady. We can't fight, and we can't all marry her.'

'In Thibet it might be practicable: martyrdom might also be secured there,' said Merton.

'Martyrdom is not good enough,' said Clancy.