Part 17 (2/2)
By nine o'clock the whole party, including, the squire, were wrapt in sound slumber, and the field was open to the operations of our hero, who, in the meantime had returned to Ystrad Feen, and brought back from thence the tools that he required for the purpose. These consisted of an iron crow-bar and a saw, a bag containing something, and little Tommy Thomas for his _avante courier_, or look out, in case of surprisal. Twm had observed that the cow-house was formed of two pine-ends, substantially built of stone, while the back and front, were on planks, nailed across horizontally. The cunning Rosser had effectually fortified the front, where there was a door, but entirely neglected the back, where there was none; considering perhaps that the duck-pool or horse-pond, which ran parallel the length of the lowly edifice, would prove a sufficient rear-guard. But greatly did that scheming wight err in his estimation of the ingenious daring of his adversary; for although three feet deep, black, and full of frogs and their sp.a.w.n, it was through the middle of this domestic lake, our Twm, shouldering his crow-bar, made his way to commence the attack, while Tommy Thomas occupied his post of observation on the top of an old blighted oak stump.
To the great satisfaction of our hero, his onset was auspicious; he succeeded without noise in wrenching off numerous planks, and in a short time entered the building. He made up at once to the grand object of his enterprise, and approached the mighty brute with deference; then patting him kindly with a patronizing air, he called familiarly by his name, which he had learnt was Bishop, from the fair resemblance perhaps, of his outward bull to the outward man of the lord of the lawn sleeves; or, in his dignified rotundity, to some specimens of that princely priest of our favoured land. Bishop having sniffed and snorted a little, wondering at the temerity of the two-legged animal that so daringly sought his acquaintance treated his advances as due homage, and resumed his easy contemplative posture, like a politic Autocrat that condescendingly gives audience to a loyal peasant. Guessing the yearning of his mighty mind, and no less mighty carcase, our hero presented him with a small bag of oats, to conciliate his good-will, which being graciously received, gave goodly omen of the magnanimity of his disposition.
Twm now proceeded to his task of enlarging the opening for his egress.
After having heaved up, with his crowbar, two of the uprights which formed the ribs of the old cow-house, from which he had removed its sinews the planks, just as he was enjoying his conquest over his worst obstructions, he found to his dismay, that he had reckoned without his hostess, as Lady Fortune claimed more from his exertions than he thought due. A strong square heart-of-oak piece of timber ran along, horizontally, the whole length of the building, which nothing but a saw could remove. As the bull, Bishop, was too lordly and unaccustomed to diminish his lofty alt.i.tude by dropping on his knees, like the meek docile camel, and too stiff and heavy to spring like the active dog, nothing remained but to remove in some way, the stout wood that formed a bar across his furious-looking forehead.
As he considered the noise of sawing would rouse the Philistines of Llwynmawr, for an instant Twm's inventive powers were at a stand; but they soon rallied, and he how had to strike a bold stroke, that promised anything but success, while certain failure would otherwise be his lot.
From the bag he took two pairs of top-boots which he had provided, and drew them, one at a time, with the toes pointing backward, on the feet of the bull, Bishop, who seemed at first modestly to decline such an unusual honour. But as Twm was very pressing, he meekly submitted, like a bashful maid to don her wedding robes, or like King Richard, to have fortune buckled on his back; for he in fact endured to have his boots corded above his knees.
Twm now took the crow-bar to the front of the house, and fixed it firmly through an old-fas.h.i.+oned iron ring in the farm-house door, so as utterly to prevent the opening of it from the inside. Fastening next a halter to the bell attached to the sledge-shaft, he instructed Tommy Thomas to ring and roar ”fire” with all the strength of his arms and might of his lungs; applying as he spoke, a candle to the hay on the sledge, while he retreated to saw, amid this din, the stubborn wood that barred alike the bull's departure and the progress of the enterprise.
Whiz, crick, crack went the blaze! ding, dong! went the clapper of the bell! fire, fire! roared the scare-crow voice of little Tommy Thomas; Twm's saw being unheard through the prevalence of these mightier sounds.
The squire was the first awakened by the unusual noise, and terrible was the fat man's fright on seeing the blazing pyramid that illumined the whole house inwardly, and all over the yard, while he beheld some little devil ringing the bell and roaring ”fire!” like a sergeant major while drilling a battalion.
The activity of a fat man in a fright is truly ludicrous. The nimbleness of the thinnest frightened tailor that ever hid himself behind a fis.h.i.+ng-rod, was mere sluggishness compared to the flea-hopping trips of Squire Prothero, although almost too large to conceal himself behind a church, in some mountain parishes of Wales. Down stairs he rolled, ten steps at a time, and tried in vain to open the outward door. Up he rushed again, as if his unbreeched hams and s.h.i.+rted shoulders had wings appended to them, to a.s.sist his upward flight, bellowing ”fire! fire!”
till hoa.r.s.eness silenced him.
Just as he lost his voice, he found a deputy for it in a broomstick, with which he ran into the men's room, cudgelling Ready Rosser and the rest through the bed-clothes, till they roared a dissonant chorus to the hoa.r.s.e ba.s.s of ”fire, fire!” ”get up and be d-ned to you, or be fried in your own tallow!”
Still the bell rung, and still Tommy Thomas l.u.s.tily roared ”fire!” Ready Rosser, overwhelmed with fear and stupidity, proved his name to be henceforth a misnomer, having, with the rest of the clowns, utterly failed to open the door. Running up stairs again, they met the squire at the top, flouris.h.i.+ng his cudgel like a flail about their heads. In his extremity, to give poor Rosser his due, he tried the notable plan of rising above his troubles by climbing up the chimney; but when he had nearly attained the top, like many other ambitious aspirants, he lost his footing, and tumbled down to the bottom, blackened with soot, and smarting with his bruises. At length this scene of confusion received a turn by the adventurous daring of Gaby Snipe, a parish apprentice boy, who, squeezing himself through a narrow cas.e.m.e.nt, dropped to the ground, and ultimately succeeded in removing the crow-bar and opening the door.
During this scene of dire confusion, Twm's enterprise had progressed swimmingly, and he had his wors.h.i.+p the bull out of the cow-house, through the horse-pond, over the snow-clad field, and into a lane that led to the parish road, which brought them to a sheep-cot on the high mountain top, that almost overhung the mansion Ystrad Feen. Just as he had bestowed his precious charge within the aforesaid shelter, he was joined by little Tommy Thomas, terribly out of breath with running and laughing. Our hero had also his full share of laughter, daylight having now pretty well advanced, in noting the paces of the mighty brute as he stamped it along in his top-boots, with, the toes reversed, being the first of the family, as he deemed, that ever was honoured with such a das.h.i.+ng leg and heel tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs.
Tommy Thomas related that on the descent of Gaby Snipe, he quitted his bell-rope and hid himself awhile to witness the result of the outpouring from the house. The rush was whimsical to witness, for fear, as usual, had exaggerated the danger, and when in the yard they ran to and fro like scared rabbits, not knowing what to do, nor what was required of them.
The hay being all consumed, and the fire self-extinguished, Ready Rosser called out, ”water, water!” which, in their confusion and imperfect state of wakefulness, they dashed, by pailsful, at one another, till at length a general fight commenced in the farm-yard; and when the squire came and parted them, not one could tell how the fray began, any more than they could account for the stirring incidents that had frightened them all out of their senses.
CHAPTER XXVI.
PHILOSOPHY of smiles. Twm sets out for modern Babylon. New use of a pack-saddle. A gentleman of the road, and how Twm borrowed his horse.
Laughter was the order of the morning at Ystrad Feen. Grief causes the loss of the appet.i.te, but mirth produced the same effect in a different way on this particular occasion, as no one seemed to have strength nor leisure to attack the tempting delicacies spread before them in such profusion. Laughter, loud, strong, boisterous, hearty ringing laughter, burst forth again and again as Twm, in the drollest manner, excited their risibility by a relation of what had pa.s.sed the preceding evening.
”A bull in boots!” chuckled the Baronet, laughing till the tears ran down his florid countenance. ”A bull in boots!” cried the lady of Ystrad Feen, till a sweet glow diffused itself over her whole countenance, developing, by the effort a pair of the finest dimples that ever lent their attraction to a female face. ”A bull in boots!” cried the Reverend John David Rhys, whose excited countenance bore animated contrast to the ”pale cast of thought” that usually distinguished him, and with whom laughter was not habitual.
”A bull in boots!” t.i.ttered Miss Meredith, with something more than a simper, or small grin, used to exhibit a fine set of teeth (which Parson Rhys thought peerless;) for honest, hearty, spleen-dispersing laughter, was not voted to be vulgar in those days; nor gentility and insipidity considered as synonymous terms.
”A bull in boots!” muttered a tall elderly gentleman with a long saturnine nose, that seemed to curl away, half disdainfully, from the mouth beneath it, which laughed, however, in spite of the nose, inclining to extend itself from ear to ear, in revenge for never having so indulged itself before. ”A bull in boots!” repeated he sneeringly; ”how ridiculous! I should have as soon thought to see a pig in pattens.”
In the midst of this merriment, Tommy Thomas made his appearance, to announce something; but catching the exclamation of ”a bull in boots,”
and ”a pig in pattens,” was immediately infected with the general contagion, and laughed and snorted like a pig in a hay-field, when a cunning cur has suddenly seized him by the b.u.t.tocks. The new arrival promised additional fun, and all were prepared to enjoy it. At length he explained himself in a brief sentence, ”Mr. Prothero is coming!”
Twm now made a hasty retreat for some unexplained purpose; and in a few minutes the portly figure of Squire Prothero was seen in the yard, sitting on his horse, and laughing till too convulsed to alight. The company ran out and greeted him, while the good-natured squire co-mingled with their mirthful peals as hearty a ”ho, ho, ho!” as ever shook his jolly fat sides.
”Laugh away, ho, ho, ho! laugh away,” cried he, ”I know I look an a.s.s, after bragging up such a nincomp.o.o.p as my fellow against this young wag of yours. But where is he? where is the young dog? I suppose my n.o.ble bull is slaughtered by this time.”
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