Chapter 16 – It’s lonely at the top (2/2)

This was what Die Wu had said, four times, before she slipped into unconsciousness.

Actually, she had no legs.

It was because she had no legs that she was would not allow anyone to see. If anyone had the heart to say that this was some type of irony, then it was a fundamental weakness of humanity, and that person’s heart must have been transformed by evil spirits into iron and stone. The thick, heavy quilt covered Die Wu’s body, just like a layer of thick, dark clouds will cover the sun before a rainstorm.

Die Wu’s face completely lacked any lustre or color, just like the small bowl of lamp-oil on the wooden table in the small room, which would soon grow dark.

Zhu Meng sat in the lamplight watching over her. He didn’t move and didn’t speak. He neither drank a drop, nor shed a tear.

The little room was dark and damp and cold.

Thirteen men remained of his subordinates, and they seemed to watch over him the same way he watched over Die Wu. Their hearts were as grieved and hopeless as his. And yet they still lived.

—Why had Ah Gen not returned after being sent out to collect information and buy food? And then he returned. And Sima Chaoqun was with him.

They saw him return with someone, a tall stranger. His hair, coiled into a bun, was in disarray, his clothing ripped and torn, his body covered with wounds, without a weapon in his hands.

But regardless, at this time, Ah Gen should not have brought a stranger to this place.

Because even though this down and out stranger seemed like nothing more than a chased beast with nowhere to go, beasts are beasts, filled with danger, just as capable of hurting people.

Even though he carried no weapon, he did have an imposing manner which seemed sharper than any blade.

Every person in the room gripped a broadsword in hand, a broadsword they had vowed never to part with until the moment of death.

Each sword was moments away from being unsheathed.

Only Zhu Meng sat there unmoving. And then he suddenly gave an order that his subordinates had trouble comprehending.

“Light the lamps and candles. Stoke the fire.” His order was direct and simple, but very strange. “Light anything that can be lit.”

No one understood what Zhu Meng meant, but Sima Chaoqun understood.

He had never seen Zhu Meng before.

But as soon as he had entered this shabby, dark, damp little room, as soon as he caught sight of Zhu Meng sitting there next to the bed like a rock eroded by the wind, he knew he had caught sight of the person he most wanted to see.

The little room originally had only one small, dim lamp.

Shining lamplight should be joyous, but in tragic circumstances like these, brighter light is useless.

And yet Zhu Meng, his voice deep and horse, ordered, “Light all the candles and lamps and torches. Let me lay eyes on our honored guest.”

The lamplight flared. When Zhu Meng spoke, his orders were usually followed.

A small lamp, seven candles, and five torches were enough to light the small room as if it were day, enough to illuminate the face of every person present. Every scar and wrinkle could be seen clearly.

Sorrow and mourning, hatred and fury, all give birth to wrinkles, wrinkles deeper than the wounds inflicted by sharp swords.

Zhu Meng slowly stood up and turned around, at long last faced off against Sima Chaoqun.

The two men looked at each other quietly, appraising each other. It seemed as if the only sound left under heaven was the sound of the flickering flames.

It seemed as if the only people left under heaven were these two men.

Two men, their bodies covered with scars, their hearts filled with sadness. Two men in dire straights, completely and utterly defeated. Only they existed.

As they stood there facing each other, it seemed as if no one else existed.

“You’re Sima Chaoqun?”

“Does it look like I am?”

“It doesn’t look like it. The invincible Sima Chaoqun really shouldn’t look like this. But, I know you are Sima Chaoqun. You definitely are.”

“Why?”

“Because other than Sima Chaoqun, no one else under heaven has this appearance. And yet you look like a person who has just seen eight-hundred and eighty-eight vengeful ghosts.”

Sima agreed. “Not many people besides me are able to see eight-hundred and eighty-eight vengeful ghosts. But one other does exist.”

“Other than you?” asked Zhu Meng. “Someone surnamed Zhu? Zhu Meng?”

“It seems so.”

Zhu Meng laughed heartily.

He really laughed, the way he usually laughed when he heard something like this, a laughter that could be heard by anyone within in ten miles.

He laughed, and yet his face contained no trace of laughter. And it seemed as if the men standing around him couldn’t hear him laughing.

Because there was actually no trace of true laughter.

There was no laughter, no weeping. The others could neither laugh nor weep.

And yet their eyes filled with hot tears.

They were not Zhu Meng, they were not Sima Chaoqun, and so they could shed tears.

They could shed blood and they could shed tears.

But the only thing they had left were tears of blood.

Zhu Meng looked at these men, good men who would die before leaving his side, and it seemed his own bloodshot eyes would soon spill forth with blood.

“This time we were defeated. Thoroughly defeated.” His voice was hoarse. “But we don’t surrender to defeat, and don’t surrender to death.”

“I know,” said Sima Chaoqun sadly. “I know everything that happened.”

“But when we arrived, you weren’t in Chang’an.”

“Correct. I wasn’t here.” Sima Chaoqun sighed. “I didn’t realize you would arrive so quickly.”

“So you went alone to Luoyang?”

“I wanted to go alone to see you, to resolve the issues between us. Resolve things, just you and me.”

“You really wanted that?”

“Yes, really.”

Zhu Meng suddenly let out a long sigh. “I didn’t misjudge you. I knew that if you were in Chang’an, you would at least give us a chance, an honorable fight to the death.” His voice was filled with grief and indignation. “We came here to die, but for us to die in such a despicable, cunning plot, we can not accept death in this way.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t blame you. If you were in Chang’an, this type of contemptible, shameless thing would not have happened.”

“You’re wrong,” said Sima Chaoqun solemnly. “And regardless of whether or not I was here, it was my responsibility.”

“Why?”

“Because at that time I was the ultimate head of the Great Protection Agency, and I maintain ultimate responsibility. Injustice has a source, debt has a debtor. This debt must be repaid by me.”

“You came today to repay the debt?”

“Yes.”

“Can you repay the debt fully?” asked Zhu Meng, his tone harsh. “How can you?”

“Even if I can’t repay it fully, I must try,” said Sima Chaoqun. “How do you want me to repay? However you want me to repay it, I will, otherwise, there was no point in coming.”

Zhu Meng stared at him, and he stared at Zhu Meng. The strange thing was, no hatred or animosity existed in their eyes. Instead, they were filled with respect and veneration.

“You said ‘at that time you’ were the ultimate head of the Great Protection Agency,” said Zhu Meng suddenly. “What about now?”

“It doesn’t matter now what type of position I have, I still bear complete responsibility.”

“Why?”

“Because you are still Zhu Meng, and I am still Sima Chaoqun.”

The others could see that within the eyes of this completely defeated man shone forth an unencroachable dignity. “Today, I must repay the debt, because you are Zhu Meng and I am Sima Chaoqun. No matter the circumstances, this cannot change. Even if my head is removed and my blood is spilled, even if my family is destroyed and my people are dead. It cannot change.”

—It really was this way.

—A head can be removed, and blood spilled, but the spirit will never yield, and can never be destroyed.

This was the spirit of personal loyalty of the men of Jianghu, the courage and uprightness of Jianghu.

Zhu Meng stared at Sima Chaoqun, his eyes also filled with unencroachable dignity.

“You are my mortal enemy. The hatred between us is deep; who knows how many people have died because of it? How can we coexist with the vengeful ghosts of those driven to their deaths?”

“I understand.”

“I, Zhu Meng, have roamed Jianghu my whole life. I kill with a wave of my sword, and revel in exacting vengeance. I’ve never really taken notice of anyone. Except for you, Sima Chaoqun.” His voice trembled with agitation. “Today, please accept my obeisance.”

Then he really did pay obeisance, this man who bowed to no man. He suddenly dropped to the ground and prostrated himself before Sima Chaoqun.

Sima Chaoqun also dropped to the ground and bowed to Zhu Meng.

“I pay homage to you, a true hero, a true man,” said Zhu Meng hoarsely. “But after this, you and I must be separated by death.” One word at a time, he said, “Because I must still kill you. I have no other choice.”

Sima Chaoqun solemnly responded: “Yes. This is what life is like for people in Jianghu. We have no other option.”

“It’s good that you understand.” Zhu Meng’s voice grew more hoarse. “It’s good you understand.”

He stood, and once again looked over his subordinates.

“This is Sima Chaoqun, the man who destroyed the Lion Clan.” Zhu Meng’s voice was deep and he spoke very slowly. “Because of his desire to achieve unprecedented hegemony, who knows how many of our brothers died tragically on the street, their bones unable to be properly buried? Who knows how many of our sisters became widows, and were forced into prostitution just to eat?”

Everyone listened quietly, their tear-filled eyes streaked with lines of blood, the veins on their forehead bulging.

“Every one of us vowed an oath in our hearts to never return to our home unless it was with his head. Even if we all die, we shall become evil spirits that haunt his soul.”

He pointed at Sima Chaoqun. “Now he’s here. You heard clearly everything he said. He came to repay his debt. A debt of blood must be repaid with blood.”

His blade-like eyes swept over his subordinates. “He’s alone, just like us, deserted and isolated, with no loved ones. But we have ourselves, brothers, and we must have vengeance. Now is the best opportunity. He can’t stand up to all of us by himself.” His voice grew in intensity. “You all have blades in hand. You can draw them and hack his head off right here.”

No one drew their blade.

They stood listening quietly, not willing to even look at Sima Chaoqun.

“Why don’t you do something?” Zhu Meng shouted. “Have your hands grown weak? Have you forgotten how to kill?”

Ah Gen suddenly stepped forward, and then prostrated himself before Sima Chaoqun and Zhu Meng.

“Boss, I know you came here with me because you were ready to die,” he said. “You have lived a worthy life, you can die without regrets. After you have died, I will arrange all your affairs, and then I will join you.”

Sima Chaoqun laughed heartily. “Good. You’re a good brother.” He laughed. “Well said. A worthy life. Die without regrets.”

Suddenly, there was a clanging sound as a blade dropped from someone’s hand onto the floor.

Zhu Meng looked at the person, and asked harshly, “Man Niu, you’ve always been a good man, never afraid to kill. How come you can’t keep ahold of your blade?”

Man Niu hung his head, his face covered with tears of blood.

“Clan Leader, you know that I’ve dreamed of cutting his head off. But now…”

“But now what?” Zhu Meng’s voice was even more shrill. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to kill him now?”

“I do, but if you ask me to kill him in this way, there’s no way that I can do it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why.” Man Niu kneeled, and slapped himself in the face with his sword. “I should die. I’m a coward who deserves to die. I know in my heart, but if the Clan Leader asks me to say it, I couldn’t.”

“You’re a coward, so you can’t say it, but I can say it,” said Zhu Meng. “You can’t do it because you suddenly realize that the man we have wanted to kill for so long is a true man. He’s brave enough to come alone to meet us, and therefore we should treat him like a true man. If we killed him like this, even if it’s for revenge, then we could never have the face to stand in front of the other heroes of the world.” He asked Man Niu, “Is that what you’re thinking in your heart?”

Man Niu banged his forehead against the ground, his face obscured by the tears of blood.

Zhu Meng’s knife-like gaze swept over his men. “And the rest of you?” he asked them, this group of men who had followed him through countless battles, who had narrowly escaped death with him, and who had nothing left except their lives. “How do you feel in your hearts?”

No one responded.

But the hands that gripped blades were wounded.

Even though they had already lost everything, they hadn’t lost their spirit of uprightness, loyalty and courage.

Zhu Meng looked at them, one by one, and his exhausted, expressionless eyes once again lit up. He lifted his head and said, “Good. These are true brothers. These are truly Zhu Meng’s brothers. Having befriended brothers like this, I can die without any feeling of bitterness.” He turned to Sima Chaoqun. “Do you see? Do you see what kind of brothers Zhu Meng has? Are any of them cowards?”

Sima Chaoqun’s eyes were red, had long since grown red.

But he shed no tears.

He stood there as straight as a spear. After a long time, he said, one word at a time, “Zhu Meng, I can’t compare with you. I’m not even good enough to wipe your ass. Because,” he said, “I don’t have brothers like these.”

It wasn’t spoken by some other person, it was spoken by Sima Chaoqun.

The matchless hero Sima Chaoqun.

Zhu Meng’s eyes contained no hint of self-satisfaction, but instead were filled with sadness, as if he were asking himself: —Why are we enemies and not friends?

He didn’t say it, though. Instead, he said, “No matter what, if you treat us well, we will not treat you poorly. But there’s one thing that can’t change.” His fists clenched. “I’m still Zhu Meng, and you are still Sima Chaoqun. And therefore, I must still kill you.”

This was a type of honour, just like an eternally unchanging love. The sea can dry up, rocks can whither away, but this type of honor will exist forever.

Because of this type of honor, men in Jianghu with nothing, without even roots or history, can still live forever in the hearts of those who value courage and uprightness.

“As you just said,” continued Zhu Meng, “this is a matter between the two of us. We should resolve it ourselves. Has the time come?”

“Yes.”

Zhu Meng stared at him for a long time, and then suddenly said, “Give the great hero Sima a blade.”

Man Niu immediately grabbed his sword and carried it over with two hands. It was a steel broadsword, forged by a hundred hammer blows, its edge already nicked in several places.

“This isn’t a very good blade,” said Zhu Meng, “but in Sima Chaoqun’s hands, any blade can kill.”

“Yes.” Sima Chaoqun gently caressed the weak spots on the blade. “This blade is made to be a killing blade.”

“Therefore, you have to promise me something.”

“Promise what?”

“If you have a chance to kill me, you must not under any circumstances show mercy.” Zhu Meng’s voice once again became sad. “Otherwise, if I then kill you, I may regret it for the rest of my life. Do you want me to hold regret in my heart for the rest of my life?”

Sima Chaoqun’s response was very understanding. “If I’m able to kill you in one move, then you won’t see the second move.”

“Good,” said Zhu Meng. “Extremely good.”

Zhu Meng’s blade gleamed as he unsheathed it.

Everyone else in the room stepped back. They were Zhu Meng’s brothers, through thick and thin.

But they all stepped back.

Since ancient times, people have been unable to avoid death. What was extraordinary about death?

But the dignity and loyalty of true men was something incapable of being tarnished.

Holding his sword horizontally, Zhu Meng asked, “If I die beneath your blade, my brothers won’t come after you. Zhu Meng can die under the blade of Sima Chaoqun with no regrets.”

And yet, he could not help but turn his head and glance back at Die Wu. It could be the last time he would ever lay eyes on her.

—I’m willing to die beneath your blade. I just hope that you will be able to take care of her for me.

He didn’t say these words. Instead, he said, “If you die beneath my blade, I will definitely take care of your wife and children.”

“My wife and children?” Sima Chaoqun smiled sadly. “I’m afraid my wife and children are waiting for me to die beneath your blade so that I can take care of them.”

Zhu Meng’s heart sank.

At this moment he realized that perhaps Sima’s sorrow and pain was much heavier and much deeper than his own.

But he had already unsheathed his blade. The blade’s course was set.

His heart’s course was set.

Life and death would be decided in a fleeting moment. Sadly, there was nothing in the world that could prevent this battle to the death.

And yet at this exact moment, at this fleeting moment—

“Zhu Meng.”

He suddenly heard someone call out. The voice seemed to come from far away, from very far away.

But the person calling for him was at his side, a women who could at any time ask him to die for her, and he would.

A person who could not be forgotten even in dreams.

The departed have gone, but the emotions remain

Dance for the king, transform into a butterfly.

Zhu Meng didn’t look back.

His blade was in hand. His mortal enemy stood directly in front of the edge of his blade. His brothers were all watching him. He could not turn back. He was duty-bound not to.

“Zhu Meng,” the voice called again. “Zhu Meng.”

Such a distant call, and yet so near.

A call so near, and yet so far, as distant as home is in the dreams of a wanderer.

The home of a wanderer could only be found in the midst of deep, deep pain.

Zhu Meng looked back.

Another clanging sound rang out. Zhu Meng looked back, and as he did, his blade fell. Die Wu was looking at him.

She looking at him alone, and he looked at her.

In this fleeting moment, no one else existed. Nothing else existed.

All the resentment and hatred and fury and sadness had transformed into a butterfly.

And the butterfly was flying away.

Part 6

The butterfly flew away, then flew back. Was it coming? Was it going? Was it a person? Was it a butterfly?

“I’m here, I’m here. I’m always here.”

He was there.

The blade was gone, the Lion Clan was gone, the boisterous, insufferably arrogant hero was gone.

But he was still there.

As long as she was there, he would be there.

“Zhu Meng, I made a mistake. You made a mistake, too.”

“Yes, I made a mistake.”

“Zhu Meng, why could I never understand how you felt about me?” said Die Wu. “Why did you never let me know? Why did you never let me know how much you love me? Why did I never let you know how much I need someone to love me?”

There was no response. Some things don’t need a response, because there is no answer.

“Zhu Meng, I’m going to die,” said Die Wu, “but you don’t need to die. I can die. You cannot.”

Her voice was like gossamer strands of fog.

“I can never dance for you again, but I can sing for you,” she said. “I’ll sing, you listen. I must sing, and you must listen.”

“Okay, sing. I will listen.”

Nothing.

No people, no resentment, no animosity. Other than the sound of her singing, there was nothing.

And she sang.

“Beautiful hair combed and wrapped into a bun, makeup lightly applied to the face;

Dark blue smoke and purple fog cover the gracefulness, catkins and gossamer strands float by with no set destination;

To never see each other is better than seeing each other, to have no emotions at all is better than having them;

When the singing is over and soberness sets in, the moon shines down on the quiet, empty courtyard.”

The gossamer strands gradually drifted further and further away, unceasingly.

She sang, and then she finished singing.

She ceased.

Everything under heaven ceased. At least, in this fleeting moment, everything ceased.

Even tears were not.

Only blood.

Zhu Meng stood there dumbly, looking at her. And then suddenly he vomited up a mouthful of crimson blood.

**

(1) This means it’s around midnight

(2) He literally references a time period that describes the period of day between 7 and 9 p.m.

(3) It is literally a “knockout drug” or drug that overpowers you.

(4) This is a classic text used by schoolchildren.

(5) This means that about three hours have passed, since each watch period lasted three hours