145 Ji-Hos Story Part One (1/2)

My earliest memory was of me at the front steps of an orphanage.

It was late at night. I had been standing in front of the doors, alone, under the chilling moonlight. Wearing a dirty s.h.i.+rt and ripped pants, the cold air nipped my exposed skin. I can remember hugging myself, trying to keep myself warm.

How did I end up here? Where was this place?

There was no person in sight. All I could see was the darkness and the faint glow of the moonlight.

Finally, after s.h.i.+vering in the cold for hours, I was found. A women quickly brought me into the building, wrapping a blanket around my body. The other adults in the room quickly ran deeper into the halls, coming back with a medical kit.

”You're freezing. Are you okay?”

I stared at her.

She grabbed both of my hands. ”Why aren't you speaking? It's okay. You are safe with us. I promise.”

I answered with silence.

After the workers were finished checking to make sure I was okay, they brought me to a room. They asked me questions about how I ended up on the steps and about my family. However, I couldn't remember anything. Did I have a mother? How was my life before standing in the cold?

During that time, I did not speak a word.

There was no need to. For I had no answers to their questions.

Seeing how I was left at the front steps of the orphanage, the workers immediately brought me into their care. This place officially became my home.

But as a child, I couldn't a.s.similate to this life.

Sitting in the middle of the room, clutching onto a ragged teddy bear, I would stay emotionless, ignoring the louds kids around me.

The light above would flicker, dimly lightly portions of the large room.

During this time, all I knew was that I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone. I didn't like this place.

Even when prospective parents would come to hopefully adopt a child, I would not make the effort to try and get adopted either. The parents who found me cute were all disappointed by my silence and lack of life, and they eventually picked other kids. The lucky children would leave with smiles on their faces while I stayed, unmoving, uncaring.

I just watched as the days pa.s.sed and lived an empty life.

Why did I live this way? Even I didn't know the answer to this question myself. Looking back, I believe it may have been caused by psychological trauma from my family in the past.

School was the same. I didn't feel like talking to other people. I just sat in my own desk and stared into s.p.a.ce. People a.s.sumed that I was mute, but the teachers knew that was not the case. They became worried that there was something wrong with my brain. A child my age should be smiling and happy. They never met a kid like me who never talked. Yet, they could not get me tested because I did not have parents and neither did I have the money to pay for one.

Eventually, I became invisible. That was the fate I chose for myself.

Upon reaching the age of nine, I noticed sudden changes in my body. At the most random moments, I would get splitting headaches. During physical education, I would not be able to run as fast as the other kids. If I tried to run, my entire chest would throb in pain. And as time pa.s.sed, even scars and cuts would not heal completely.

But n.o.body paid any mind to it. And I just a.s.sumed it was nothing either. After all, I was only a child. How would I know what to do? Besides, I didn't even realize how serious the symptoms were. I just ignored the red flags that my body was giving me.

The symptoms increased.And I didn't tell anyone.

My body would be in pain.But there was no one to turn to.

Eventually, my silence was what killed me.

One day while I was walking down the street and my body felt heavy. Without realizing it, darkness suddenly took over my body. When I woke up, I found myself at the hospital, lying on a hard bed. According to the doctors, someone found me lying on the streets and called an ambulance.

But of course, I didn't care about the details. I just wanted to leave. I wasn't even grateful towards the person that brought me here.

However, no matter how hard I tried. They would not allow me to leave.

I squirmed and pushed, using all my body language to tell them how I felt about this place. But the nurses had grabbed onto my arms and locked the doors. During this time, they already knew that I was an orphan. Therefore, they were not entirely surprised by my behavior and handled the situation calmly.

The doors finally opened and in came a doctor. There was a serious expression on his face.

”You've been having symptoms for a while now haven't you? Your body. It hasn't been normal right?”

For some reason, his words sucked me in and I took that moment to think. There had already been several times where I felt dizzy and wanted to faint. I stared into his eyes and nodded.