Part 6 (1/2)
She shook her head in curt negation while, caked in mud and inexpressibly serious-faced, Fyne seemed to be backing her up with all the weight of his solemn presence. Nothing more absurd could be conceived. It was delicious. And I went on in deferential accents: ”Am I to understand then that you entertain the theory of suicide?”
I don't know that I am liable to fits of delirium but by a sudden and alarming aberration while waiting for her answer I became mentally aware of three trained dogs dancing on their hind legs. I don't know why.
Perhaps because of the pervading solemnity. There's nothing more solemn on earth than a dance of trained dogs.
”She has chosen to disappear. That's all.”
In these words Mrs Fyne answered me. The aggressive tone was too much for my endurance. In an instant I found myself out of the dance and down on all-fours so to speak, with liberty to bark and bite.
”The devil she has,” I cried. ”Has chosen to... Like this, all at once, anyhow, regardless... I've had the privilege of meeting that reckless and brusque young lady and I must say that with her air of an angry victim...”
”Precisely,” Mrs Fyne said very unexpectedly like a steel trap going off. I stared at her. How provoking she was! So I went on to finish my tirade. ”She struck me at first sight as the most inconsiderate wrongheaded girl that I ever...”
”Why should a girl be more considerate than anyone else? More than any man, for instance?” inquired Mrs Fyne with a still greater a.s.sertion of responsibility in her bearing.
Of course I exclaimed at this, not very loudly it is true, but forcibly.
Were then the feelings of friends, relations and even of strangers to be disregarded? I asked Mrs Fyne if she did not think it was a sort of duty to show elementary consideration not only for the natural feelings but even for the prejudices of one's fellow-creatures.
Her answer knocked me over.
”Not for a woman.”
Just like that. I confess that I went down flat. And while in that collapsed state I learned the true nature of Mrs Fyne's feminist doctrine. It was not political, it was not social. It was a knock-me-down doctrine--a practical individualistic doctrine. You would not thank me for expounding it to you at large. Indeed I think that she herself did not enlighten me fully. There must have been things not fit for a man to hear. But shortly, and as far as my bewilderment allowed me to grasp its naive atrociousness, it was something like this: that no consideration, no delicacy, no tenderness, no scruples should stand in the way of a woman (who by the mere fact of her s.e.x was the predestined victim of conditions created by men's selfish pa.s.sions, their vices and their abominable tyranny) from taking the shortest cut towards securing for herself the easiest possible existence. She had even the right to go out of existence without considering anyone's feelings or convenience since some women's existences were made impossible by the shortsighted baseness of men.
I looked at her, sitting before the lamp at one o'clock in the morning, with her mature, smooth-cheeked face of masculine shape robbed of its freshness by fatigue; at her eyes dimmed by this senseless vigil. I looked also at Fyne; the mud was drying on him; he was obviously tired.
The weariness of solemnity. But he preserved an unflinching, endorsing, gravity of expression. Endorsing it all as became a good, convinced husband.
”Oh! I see,” I said. ”No consideration.--Well I hope you like it.”
They amused me beyond the wildest imaginings of which I was capable.
After the first shock, you understand, I recovered very quickly. The order of the world was safe enough. He was a civil servant and she his good and faithful wife. But when it comes to dealing with human beings anything, anything may be expected. So even my astonishment did not last very long. How far she developed and ill.u.s.trated that conscienceless and austere doctrine to the girl-friends, who were mere transient shadows to her husband, I could not tell. Any length I supposed. And he looked on, acquiesced, approved, just for that very reason--because these pretty girls were but shadows to him. O! Most virtuous Fyne! He cast his eyes down. He didn't like it. But I eyed him with hidden animosity for he had got me to run after him under somewhat false pretences.
Mrs Fyne had only smiled at me very expressively, very self-confidently. ”Oh I quite understand that you accept the fullest responsibility,” I said. ”I am the only ridiculous person in this-- this--I don't know how to call it--performance. However, I've nothing more to do here, so I'll say good-night--or good morning, for it must be past one.”
”But before departing, in common decency, I offered to take any wires they might write. My lodgings were nearer the post-office than the cottage and I would send them off the first thing in the morning. I supposed they would wish to communicate, if only as to the disposal of the luggage, with the young lady's relatives...”
Fyne, he looked rather downcast by then, thanked me and declined.
”There is really no one,” he said, very grave.
”No one,” I exclaimed.
”Practically,” said curt Mrs Fyne.
And my curiosity was aroused again.
”Ah! I see. An orphan.”
Mrs Fyne looked away weary and sombre, and Fyne said ”Yes,” impulsively and then qualified the affirmative by the quaint statement: ”To a certain extent.”
I became conscious of a languid, exhausted embarra.s.sment, bowed to Mrs Fyne, and went out of the cottage to be confronted outside its door by the bespangled, cruel revelation of the Immensity of the Universe. The night was not sufficiently advanced for the stars to have paled; and the earth seemed to me more profoundly asleep--perhaps because I was alone now. Not having Fyne with me to set the pace I let myself drift, rather than walk, in the direction of the farmhouse. To drift is the only reposeful sort of motion (ask any s.h.i.+p if it isn't) and therefore consistent with thoughtfulness. And I pondered: How is one an orphan ”to a certain extent”?