Part 7 (1/2)
Hedilya nodded, a faint smile on her lips, and left.
Telai rubbed her eyes, rose from her chair to stretch, then walked to the east window. It was still raining. Soggy days often turned her mind to clay, but this morning was particularly onerous. She'd been staying up later and later these last few weeks, trying desperately to catch up on paperwork so she could spend some time doing actual research. Poring over someone else's research papers was a poor subst.i.tute for true journeys of discovery, but it was better than slowly going mad.
”Lady Telai,” came a familiar voice through the door. ”May I speak with you for a moment?”
She sighed. What now, Ressolc? Can't I have a few minutes to myself?
”Come in.” She painted a smile on her face and returned to her desk. ”Sleep well?”
”I did, thank you,” he said, shutting the door behind. ”But you may not after you hear what I have to say.”
Her smile faded. Ressolc had never been one for exaggeration, always preferring unvarnished candor-a refres.h.i.+ng change from the histrionics so common among the upper echelons. ”Please,” she said, gesturing at the other chair as she resumed her own.
Ressolc leaned his cane against the table and sat down. He nodded at a pitcher and set of goblets by Telai's elbow. ”Yrgona?”
Her eyebrows lifted. ”Before noon? This is serious.” She poured a cup and slid it across the table, furrowing a path through the clutter of papers and scrolls. She stifled a smirk as Ressolc cast a surrept.i.tious glance at all this ”unjustified chaos,” as he often put it. After all these years he still managed to preserve some small part of his role as her mentor.
He took a quick drink. ”There's just no diplomatic way to say this, so I'll give it to you straight: Caleb Stenger wants to begin advanced studies to join the Raeni.”
Telai stared at him, her blood rising. ”I don't appreciate tasteless jokes, Ressolc. I can't believe you just said that to me!”
”No, my lady. I would never jest with you about that sort of thing. Or with anyone, for that matter.”
A long silence followed. ”What?” she whispered. ”How-”
”Apparently he's talked to Feitseg,” he said, interrupting her. ”He knows his rights.”
Telai froze for a second, then shook her head emphatically. ”No. There's got to be some kind of mistake here. Are you sure he wasn't jesting with you?”
”He'd be a fool for trying!”
”Then-”
”He was dead serious. In fact, he asked to speak to you directly-which I put a stop to, of course.”
Telai rubbed her aching brow, her mind racing to come up with even the remotest scenario to explain this, to convince herself and Ressolc that there was some kind of misunderstanding. ”Did he say why?” she asked, her voice trembling.
”No,” he said. ”And it's not my place to ask. That falls to Lord Soren. Caleb Stenger can parade all the excuses he wants, but the Supreme Raen of Ada will know exactly how to get to the bottom of his true motives.”
”Soren's not here. He's in Leiff-a meeting with Borone, I think.”
”I know that. Caleb Stenger will just have to wait.”
Telai straightened. ”I'm not waiting that long. Bring him here.”
Ressolc frowned, wrinkling his face like a prune. ”Far be it from me to interfere with the Grand Loremaster's personal affairs, but I must voice my objection. This Falling Man is-”
”That's enough!”
”-no, my lady, it is not! I cannot remain silent while this man distracts you from your duties. I am more than capable of handling the situation myself.”
Telai gripped her chair beneath the table, fighting to control herself. She respected Ressolc too much to vent her wrath on him. ”When it comes to who pa.s.ses or fails, or who becomes a scribe, then yes, you are in charge. But no one is going to tell me who I can or cannot confront on a personal basis. Either bring him here, or I will march right down there and make a scene where everyone can hear it!”
Ressolc set his cold stare on her; then he s.n.a.t.c.hed up his cane and stalked out the door.
The minutes pa.s.sed like hours as Telai waited, leaning her head in her hands, hoping desperately that her last chance for happiness wasn't slipping from her grasp. First Tenlar, now Caleb. What is it with you men? Heads full of nothing but duty and honor!
The click of a latch and the hesitant scuffle of feet announced the arrival of the accused. She never changed position, struggling for the strength to speak, to keep her voice from exploding as she had threatened to do with Ressolc.
She could only manage one word, its tone heavy with years of bottled-up resentment. ”Why?”
There was no answer, and she lifted her eyes. Caleb stood halfway from the closed door, straight and rigid like a statue, and nearly as pale. It was clear by the stark look in his face that he had been dreading this moment for some time, perhaps days.
She rose slowly, like a judge ready to p.r.o.nounce sentence. ”Seems I was wrong. There hasn't been a mistake.”
Caleb shook his head. ”No.”
”Then answer my question.” Still he hesitated, and she clenched her fists. ”If you have one courageous bone in your body, Caleb, you will answer my question!”
He took a quick step forward. ”I didn't see ... I thought ... ” He closed his eyes tight for a second, then squared his shoulders. ”I'm sorry, Telai. But everywhere I go I keep running into the same thing-there goes the Falling Man. I am so tired of it! The only way I'm ever going to overcome it is to do something that proves my loyalty.” He shrugged helplessly. ”If that doesn't work, nothing will.”
Telai blinked. ”That's it? You're worried about what people think of you?”
”Not just me!” he blurted, stepping forward again. ”It's Warren, too. I'm really not that concerned about myself, I can handle it. But Warren-he already suffers from too many disadvantages. I'll be d.a.m.ned if I let prejudice stand in his way, too. If I can do some honorable deed, demonstrate my loyalty, at least he'll have a chance.”
She put all her strength into a withering stare. But she couldn't keep it up. She turned her back on him, eyes stinging with the first onslaught of grief.
”Telai,” he whispered. ”Don't turn away. Please.”
A long minute pa.s.sed before she faced him again. She was amazed to see tears running down his cheeks, tears somehow readier to fall than her own. But it wasn't enough. She couldn't get past the harsh, cold reality that the man standing before her now was about to repeat Tenlar's crime.
She rounded the table and advanced. For one moment he looked ready to dash out the door, but he stood his ground-which only infuriated her all the more. She wanted to shout at him, humiliate him, to watch him fall to his knees for forgiveness.
”Do you realize how close I was to saying yes, Caleb?” she uttered. ”I didn't even know I was still hurting over Tenlar until you came along. You gave me a chance to let go of that, to-” She clamped her lips, fighting with every ounce of strength not to give in, but her anger was too deep. ”I don't give a filthy d.a.m.n what people think of me!” she yelled. ”And neither should you!”
”Telai-”
She waved an arm at him. ”Go. You got what you wanted: the Grand Loremaster's official sanction to throw your life away!”
His cheeks regained their color. ”What about Warren?”
”Warren? What are you talking about?”
”I've heard him talk in his sleep. He needs you, Telai. He needs someone like you in his life.”
”Well, you pretty much just ruined that for him, didn't you?”