Part 39 (1/2)

Zed said, ”I know what it is.”

Yianni stared at him, perplexed. ”Well, out with it!”

Zed drew a breath. Oh, h.e.l.l, he thought. ”Better sit down first,” he said grimly. He told it clinically, as he had told very few people -- not even Sai Thomas, who would have listened and tried to understand. Jo Leiakanawa knew. So, of course, did his victims. And there were two telepaths who knew, on Nexus.

Yianni listened. He kept his eyes on Zed's face. At one or two points he grew a little white about the mouth. When Zed finished, Yianni cleared his throat.

Zed said, ”You don't have to say anything.”

Yianni said, ”I do.” There were tears in his eyes. ”I -- oh, mother, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you speak.” He rose. ”I'll go.”

”Wait,” Zed said. He stepped forward, not knowing himself why he made the request. Yianni waited. Zed reached out with his right hand, the good hand.

Yianni straightened, a lift of the shoulders; he was steeling himself. Gently Zed touched his cheek. It was rough with a day's beard.

”Don't apologize,” he said. ”It was right. I needed it. Thank you -- though I warn you, I may never be able to look at you again. But you're going to be a fine medic, I can see that. And if things had been different, you would have made a fine friend.”

*Chapter Seventeen*

The next morning there were dark shadows beneath Zed's eyes.

Rhani noted them when he came to her room to give her his morning greeting. ”Zed-ka,” she said, holding out both hands. He mirrored her. She had forgotten about the bandage on his left hand and the sight of it gave her a small shock. He kissed her cheek.

”Good morning,” he said.

Something was wrong with him. She watched him circ.u.mnavigate the room. He ended up by the window. He lifted the drape, frowned, let it drop. It's odd, she thought; I pace to order my thoughts, Zed paces when he doesn't want to think, or at least, to speak. ”Now it's my turn to ask you,” she said, gently teasing.

”Did you sleep?”

”Not very well.” He made another restless circuit of the room, again stopping at the window. ”Rhani -- ” he paused. It was not like Zed to start something, even a sentence, and not finish it. ”Rhani, I want to go to the estate.”

For a moment, she thought nothing, nothing at all. Then she thought: It's come then. She had been braiding her hair at his entrance; now, remembering, she felt behind her head for the braid. It had loosened. She pulled the thick strands tight and wrapped a sequined elastic band around the end. Zed was a blocky shadow against the window drape. ”What will you do there?” she asked.

He said, ”Walk in the garden. Read. Sleep.”

”How will you get there?”

”Rent one of the bubbles from the landingport.”

She imagined him walking across the lush garden lawn. I wish I could go too, she thought. I hate being here, in a house not my own. We could go back together, the four of us, Dana and Corrios too. Timithos would be glad to see us.... She remembered that she had not spoken with Cara and Immeld, though she had told Nialle to call and rea.s.sure them.

”Rhani? May I go?”

Zed's voice recalled her. She gazed at him across the pink room. ”Go,”

she said. ”You need it. If I need to talk with you, I'll call you. And please, Zedka -- ” she remembered what Binkie -- Ramas -- had said, that Michel A-Rae hated him. ”Please be alert.” ”If I see any bubbles without markings coming toward me, I'll turn around and come back.”

They hugged. His mouth tasted of sesame. Rhani thought, He breakfasted already. Probably he is already packed, not that he has much to take with him.

She wondered what had occurred between last evening and this morning to disturb him.

She would _not_ ask him about Darien Riis.

Nialle had sorted through her mail but had tactfully not opened anything: she was, after all, a borrowed secretary, her wage paid by Family Kyneth. Rhani went to the tray of mail. Most of the letters were sympathy notes, more variations on an inevitable theme. One was a communication from Christina Wu which said, tersely, ”_Obviously our appointment must be postponed. I am sorry about your house. Call me_.”

Rhani frowned. She had forgotten that she had an appointment with Christina for the morning of the party -- which, she thought ironically, would have been today. That was what she needed a secretary for, to remind her of such things. Binkie would have remembered.... Her hands clenched, and the thick notepaper creased. She did not want to remember Binkie.

Nialle came in. ”Good morning, Dom -- Rhani-ka.”

Rhani smiled at her. ”Good morning. Thank you for sorting my mail.”

”It's my job, Rhani-ka,” the secretary said.

”I know. But I appreciate it. Would you be so kind as to connect me with Christina Wu's office. I'd like to speak with her, if she's free.”

”Certainly, Rhani-ka.” Nialle pulled the com-unit from the wall and sat in the plastic chair. ”There is a call here for you, Rhani-ka,” she said.

”From whom?”

”From Domni Ferris Dur.”

Ferris.... Rhani sighed. She knew what he would say. He would offer his sympathies upon her loss of her house, and whine because instead of coming to him she had chosen to shelter with the Kyneths. He would then ask her how the contract arrangements were proceeding. As if she did not have other things on her mind! Ah, well. She had said she would marry him, and she would, there were good reasons to do it.... At least, she thought, marriage no longer carries with it the certainty of a s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p.

Nialle said, ”Domna Rhani, I have Advocate Wu online.”

Rhani went to the screen. ”Christina,” she said to the small woman with the heart-shaped face who gazed at her, ”you could have called me back.”

”Don't be ridiculous,” the lawyer said briskly. ”Are you all right?”

”I'm fine. Don't you read the PINsheets?”

Christina grimaced eloquently. ”Never,” she said, ”when I can help it.”

She grinned rakishly out of the screen. ”I a.s.sume you made an appointment because you wanted to see me about something important; if it had been trivial, you would have dropped me a note. Would you like to make it tomorrow? I have time.” Her eyepatch glittered. She had lost one eye in a freak accident some years back. The damage was reparable but the surgery had left scars, and she had chosen to cover the eye rather than display it. Today's patch was shaped like a blue b.u.t.terfly.

Rhani was touched by the offer; she knew how much in demand Christina's abilities were. She also knew that little went on in Abanat that Christina Wu was unaware of. ”Thank you, Christina,” she said. ”What time?”

Christina flapped a hand. ”Let our secretaries arrange that.” She blanked the display. Nialle looked at Rhani inquiringly.

”Rhani-ka, do you have a preference?”

”No,” Rhani said. ”Make it to Christina's convenience. And when you have finished that, please connect me with Domni Ferris Dur.” A slave answered the call to Dur House. Rhani heard him say, ”One moment, please, while I transfer the call downstairs.” There was a pause, and then Nialle was beckoning to her.

”Domna, Domni Ferris is online.”

”Thank you, Nialle,” Rhani said. Tactfully, Nialle went out the door.