Part 5 (1/2)

Judge: ”Is this your signature?”

Witness: ”I don't know.”

Judge: ”Look at it carefully.”

Witness: ”I can't say for certain.”

Judge: ”Is it anything like your writing?”

Witness: ”I don't think it is.”

Judge: ”Can't you identify it?”

Witness: ”Not quite.”

Judge: ”Well, let me see, just write your name here and I will examine the two signatures.”

Witness: ”I can't write, sir.”

Medical men are not as a rule the best witnesses, being too fond of using technical words peculiar to them in their own profession. In an action for a.s.sault tried by a Derbys.h.i.+re common jury before Mr. Justice Patteson, a surgical witness was asked to describe the injuries the plaintiff had received; he stated he had ”ecchymosis” of the left eye.

Upon the judge inquiring whether that did not mean what was commonly understood by a black eye, the witness answered: ”Yes.”--”Then why did you not say so, sir? What do the jury know of 'ecchymosis'? They might think, as the farmer did of the word 'felicity,' used by a clergyman in his sermon, that it meant something in the inside of a pig.”

A notorious thief, being tried for his life, confessed the robbery he was charged with. The judge thereupon directed the jury to find him guilty upon his own confession. The jury having consulted together brought him in ”Not guilty.” The judge bade them consider their verdict again, but still they brought in a verdict of ”Not guilty.” The judge asking the reason, the foreman replied: ”There is reason enough, for we all know him to be one of the greatest liars in the country.”

”Have you committed all these crimes?” asked the judge of a h.o.a.ry old sinner. ”Yes, my lord, and worse.” ”Worse, I should have thought it impossible. What have you done then?”--”My lord, I allowed myself to be caught.”

”I knows yer,” said a prisoner to the present Lord Chief Justice, ”and many's the time I've given yer a hand when ye've been stepping it round the track like a greyhound. So let's down lightly, like a good cove as yer are.”

The retort of a witness to Lord Avory was too good to be soon forgotten, and is still circulating among the juniors of the law-courts. ”Let me see,” said his lords.h.i.+p, ”you have been convicted before, haven't you?”--”Yes, sir,” answered the man; ”but it was due to the incapacity of my counsel rather than to any fault on my part.”--”It always is,”

said Lord Avory, with a grim smile, ”and you have my sincere sympathy.”--”And I deserve it,” retorted the man, ”seeing that you were my counsel on that occasion!”

CHAPTER TWO

THE BARRISTERS OF ENGLAND

”Hark the hour of ten is sounding!

Hearts with anxious fears are bounding; Hall of Justice crowds surrounding, Breathing hope and fear.

For to-day in this arena Summoned by a stern subpna, Edwin sued by Angelina Shortly will appear.”

Sir W. S. GILBERT: _Trial by Jury_.