Part 6 (1/2)
[Footnote 4: Ida M. Tarbell, _The Business of Being a Woman_.]
CHAPTER VI
TRAINING THE LITTLE CHILD
”Children are the home's highest product.” That means at the outset that we have children because we believe in them, and that we train them, as the skilled workman shapes his wood and clay, to achieve the greatest result of which the human material is capable.
A factory's output can be standardized. An engine's power can be measured. But he who trains a child can never fully know the mind he works with nor the result he attains. We do know, however, that if it is subject to certain influences, trained by certain laws, _the chances are_ that this mind which we cannot fully know will react in a certain way.
To attempt in a chapter to outline a system of training for children would be an attempt doomed to certain failure. Books are written on this subject, and the shelves of the child-study and child-training department in the libraries are rapidly filling. What I have in mind here is rather a single line of the child's development--that which leads toward making him a useful factor in the home life of which he forms a part. The boy or girl who fills successfully a place in the home of his childhood will be in a fair way to undertake successfully the greater task of founding a home of his own.
In the days of infancy and early childhood, training for boys and girls may be more nearly identical than in later life. A large part of the differentiation in the work and play of little boys and girls would seem to be quite artificial. We give dolls to girls and drums to boys, but only because of some preconceived notion of our own. The girls will drum as loudly and the boys care for the baby quite as tenderly, until some one ridicules them and they learn to simulate a scorn for ”boys' things” and ”girls' things” which they do not really feel.
Throughout this chapter, therefore, it is to be a.s.sumed that the training suggested is quite as applicable and quite as necessary for one s.e.x as for the other.
Young mothers sometimes ask the family doctor, ”When shall I begin to train the baby to eat at regular intervals, to go to sleep without rocking, in general to accept the plan of life we outline for him?”
The answer seldom varies: ”Before he is twenty-four hours old.” It is therefore evident that all the basic principles of living, whether physical or mental, must have their foundations far back in the child's young life.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Photograph by Brown Bros.
Helping with the housework. The boy or girl who successfully fills a place in the home of his childhood will be in a fair way to undertake successfully the greater task of founding a home of his or her own]
As a basis for all the rest, we must work for health. A truly successful life, rounded and full, presupposes health. Regular habits, nouris.h.i.+ng food, plenty of sleep, are axiomatic in writings treating of the care of young children, yet it is surprising how often these rules are violated. ”It is easier” to give the child what he wants or what the others are having; easier to let him sit up than to put him to bed; easier to regard the moment than the years ahead.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Already well started on his education]
Aside from the physical foundation, the training that we are to give our little children will probably be based upon our conception of what they need to make them good sons and daughters, good brothers and sisters, good friends, good husbands and wives, and good fathers and mothers. In other words, it is the social aspect of life that we have in mind, and our social ideals. Whatever the boy ”wants to be when he grows up,” he is sure to have social relations with his kind. Whether the girl marries or remains single, she cannot entirely escape these relations. Indeed they are thrust upon both boy and girl already. What then do they need to enable them to be successful in the human relations of living?
We might enumerate here a long list of virtues that will help, but, since long lists shatter concentration, let us narrow them to four: (1) sympathy, (2) self-control, (3) unselfishness, (4) industry.
I do not mean to say that, with these four qualities only, a man will make a successful merchant or farmer, or that a woman will become a good housekeeper or a skillful teacher. But I do mean that in family relations these four qualities are worth more than intellectual attainments or any sort of manual skill. It is really astonis.h.i.+ng to see how much these four will cover. We desire thrift--what is thrift but self-control? Tolerance--what but sympathy--the ”put yourself in his place” feeling? Courtesy--what but unselfishness?
Let us, then, in the child's early years concentrate upon sympathy, self-control, unselfishness, and industry. You will doubtless remember Cabot's summary of the four requirements of man[5]--work, play, love, and wors.h.i.+p. Suppose we could write on the wall of every nursery in the land:
Sympathy } { Work Self-control } in { Play Unselfishness } { Love Industry } { Wors.h.i.+p
Would not this writing on the wall be a fruitful reminder to the mothers?
The period of early childhood is the one in which the home may act with least interference as the child's teacher. Later, whether she will or no, the mother must share the work of training with the school, the church, and that indefinite influence we cla.s.s vaguely as society. During these few early years, then, the mother must use her opportunity well. It will soon be gone.
How shall she teach such abstract virtues as sympathy, unselfishness, self-control? Recognizing the fact that the little child acts merely as his instinct and feelings prompt, she must make all training at this stage of his life take the form of developing the instincts.
Probably the strongest of these at this time is imitation.
Consequently most of the teaching must take advantage of the imitative instinct. The first care should be to surround the child with the qualities we desire him to possess. The mother who scolds, gives way to temper, or is unwilling or unable to control her own emotions and acts can hope for little self-control in her child. In the same way the father who kicks the dog or lashes his horse or is hard and cold in his dealings with his family may expect only that his child will begin life by imitating his undesirable qualities. This necessary supervision of the child's environment is a strong argument for direct oversight of little children by the mother. It is often difficult even for her to keep an ideal example before the child; and if she leaves it to hired caretakers, they seldom realize its necessity or are willing to take the pains she would herself. Especially is this true of the young and ignorant girls who are often seen in sole charge of little children.
This first step being merely pa.s.sive education, it is not enough. We must not only set an example; we must go farther and strive to get from the child acts or att.i.tudes of mind based upon these examples.
Let us take first the quality of sympathy, which is closely allied to reflex imitation. It is difficult to say just when the child merely reflects the emotions of those about him and when he consciously thinks of others as having feelings like his own. This conscious thought is, of course, the foundation of real sympathy, and it comes early in the child's life--probably before the fourth year.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Copyright by Underwood & Underwood Stories that broaden the child's conception of the lives and feelings of others are of value in training for sympathy]
A little girl of three was greatly interested and pleased at the appearance of a roast chicken upon the family dinner table. She chattered about the ”birdie” as she had done before on similar occasions. But when the carving knife was lifted over it, she astonished everyone by her terrified cry of ”Don't cut the birdie.
Hurt the birdie.” No explanation or excuse satisfied her, and it was finally necessary to remove the platter and have the carving done out of her sight. Most children are naturally sympathetic _when they have experienced or can imagine_ the feelings of others. The cruelty of children, is usually due to their absorption in their own feelings without a _realization_ of the pain they inflict.