Part 34 (2/2)
His arms tightened. ”I was terrified, d.a.m.n you,” he said, his voice rough. ”Beyond terrified. And if anything had happened to you, I would have killed you!”
She reached up to pat his dripping hair as she would Private. ”Calm down.”
”I am calm. I'm always calm!”
Her hand gave him another pat. ”No, you're not. You throw things-plates, fists, fits. I'm not sure if you're aware, but those aren't really the actions of a ninety-nine-percent no-feelings guy.” She allowed that a minute to sink in. ”Just saying.”
”Jane, I...” But a s.h.i.+ver racked her small frame, and new alarm rushed through him. ”We have to get you warm.” He picked them both up off the sand and half carried, half led her to Beach House No. 9. Private greeted them with a worried whine and stealthy licks at the salt water running off their bodies.
Griffin escorted her to the guest bath when she insisted on privacy, then hit his own shower. Standing under the spray, his restless mind replayed the event: his alarm upon seeing her on the cliff, his panic when she started to fall, that absolute certainty that he couldn't go on without her.
She'd come to mean so much. And yes, she was right again, d.a.m.n her. He wasn't a ninety-nine-percent no-feelings guy.
Even as anxiety beat its vulture wings in his belly at the idea, he could no longer hide from the truth. His heart was no longer untouchable. h.e.l.l, it was no longer his own. He hadn't wanted this, had never wanted this, but the battle was lost.
Dry and dressed again, he stood outside the bathroom where Jane was cleaning up, overwhelmed by the need to see her and touch her. Each moment that pa.s.sed ratcheted his tension higher. His hand rubbed a nervous path on the thigh of his jeans, and he had to keep telling himself to unclench his back teeth. Nothing had prepared him for this feeling.
Never had he felt so vulnerable.
And still Jane didn't emerge from the shower.
”It's taking too long,” he muttered. Then he banged on the door with his knuckles. ”You're wasting water!”
She came out long minutes later, wrapped in a towel and flushed with heat, a pink cast to her cheeks, her shoulders, her chest.
”Are you all right?” he demanded.
”It seems I am,” she said, her expression bemused. ”I saved myself from the giant eels and the whale snot.”
Griffin wanted to claim that he had saved her, but of course it wasn't true. ”You did,” he acknowledged. ”You did.”
”I'm sort of an ocean stud now,” she added, a satisfied gleam in her eyes.
G.o.d, the woman just slayed him. His mouth twitched with a smile. ”You are.”
”Well, then.” She took a quick step. ”I have clothes in my car-”
”You don't need clothes,” he said brusquely.
Her downy brows came together. ”What?”
”Just a minute, just a minute,” he muttered, then stalked down the hall, stalked back.
”Griffin?”
”I'm a writer, okay? Give me a second to find the words.”
Instead of being patient as he thought she should, she brushed past him and turned into the master bedroom. There she rummaged through his drawers, filching a pair of boxers and a T-s.h.i.+rt. She went behind another closed bathroom door to put them on.
He found himself rapping on that door too. How long did it take to get dressed? ”Hurry up.”
Her expression was a little forlorn when she finally emerged. ”I lost my new toothbrush.”
”I'll buy you another one.”
”I don't mind about the earrings. They were designed for a five-year-old.”
”Hey, it's the thought that counts,” he said, nearly annoyed.
She swallowed, and the new expression overtaking her face was one he couldn't read. ”I never want to see that snow globe again.”
He frowned at her. ”That kind of hurts my feelings.”
”Are we back to that?” Now, for the first time since they'd washed up on the beach, she sounded weary. ”I thought you were sure you didn't have any.”
He hesitated one more moment, and then he saw a s.h.i.+ver work its way up her spine. ”You're still cold.” Jane should never be cold again.
He reached out, intent on sweeping her to his chest. The maddening librarian stepped back, forcing him to beg for her patience. Which she seemed to like. ”Please, Jane. Please give me a moment of your time.”
She allowed herself to be towed to the living room, where he wrapped her in a blanket and placed her on the couch. He sat on the coffee table opposite her, staring into her lovely face.
A tense silence developed as he tried to figure out what to tell her.
”I've already showed you the inside of my heart, Griffin,” she said in a tight voice. ”Can't you leave me alone now?”
”You don't understand,” he answered. ”I'm trying to see myself in your eyes. I keep thinking they're like mirrors.”
She c.o.c.ked her head, cautious. ”What is it you think you should see?”
Griffin took a breath. A life unexamined is not worth living. ”That final explosion in the Humvee...the one that took Jackal's leg-it splintered me into pieces. One part objective reporter, one part combatant affected-no, injured-by war, one part human being grieving for friends lost and wounded. I've been avoiding putting those three back together.”
”You don't say.”
”Smart-a.s.s.” He scrubbed his hands through his hair. ”Separated like that, it seemed I could keep myself from feeling-” Breaking off, he forced himself to breathe.
”But you are feeling. You're hurting. That's why you're-”
”Throwing plates, fists and fits.” He looked away, looked back. She deserved the truth. ”I'm having flashbacks. More all the time.”
”Oh, Griffin.” Sitting straighter, she leaned toward him. ”How frightening.”
His mouth was dry. ”I'm a mess.” He'd been trying to deny it for so long. Refusing to acknowledge what everyone had been telling him.
”You can get help.”
”Rex thinks the book will go a long way toward that,” he said, then hesitated. ”I'm not going to Gage. I'm done with war.”
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