Book 1 - Page 30 (1/2)

“What do you think?” Fade asked Tegan.

“I don’t want to walk in the snow.”

I glanced around, a.s.sessing its potential for comfort. We had no furniture, no rag pallets or so much as a stool or crate. Most of what we’d found, we would have to burn, and once that ran out—

“What can we use once the old wood is gone?”

Stalker went into the kitchen and came back with a tool that looked suitable for hacking things up. It made me uneasy seeing it in his hands. “I can cut more.”

“You should do it before the snow gets any deeper,” Fade said.

Their eyes met and clashed, a quiet dispute, and then Stalker turned with a shrug. “Fine. I’ll be back soon.”

To my surprise, Tegan got to her feet. “I’ll go with you. I can help carry it.”

Maybe she felt like she had something to prove, to herself, if n.o.body else. I could understand that. She didn’t take a weapon as a point of pride. The club wouldn’t do her any good against Stalker anyway; lack of training would betray her. Still, she had to establish that she didn’t fear him and carve out her place in our group.

They went out together on a cold gust of wind. Afterward, I wedged the door shut as much as I could, digesting the idea that we weren’t going anywhere for a while. I’d lost track of how long it had been since we left the underground, and I was a little surprised we were still alive.

“How long does this last?” I asked Fade, gazing out at the snow.

“Months, sometimes.”

I s.h.i.+vered. “I’m glad we got out of the ruins before it hit.”

“There probably won’t be anything left alive, soon,” he said quietly.

“Underground too?”

He shrugged. “The Freaks took Na.s.sau, and College wouldn’t prepare, so I doubt they’ll fare any better.” The sharp way he said the words, it was almost like he wanted to hurt me.

“Why are you so mad at me?” There was no point in ignoring it. I had hoped he’d get over the sadness or whatever had him acting this way, if I gave him time, but it didn’t seem to be working.

“I’m not.”

I swallowed the urge to call him a liar. “Then who are you mad at?”

“Myself.”

“You feel bad about Pearl,” I guessed.

“She managed to keep safe, after her dad died. I show up—and in one day, I get her killed.”

Much as I wanted to, I couldn’t deny our part in it. At this point, it didn’t matter whether I’d liked her. I’d hardly known her, and in truth, neither did he. He only remembered the brat she used to be.

“Does it help anything for you to feel this way?”

“No. But I can’t seem to stop either.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

He stared at me for such a long time that I grew uneasy. And then he asked, “Are we still partners? I know Silk put us together, but would you choose me now?”

As before, I had the feeling he meant something different with the word. “I don’t trust anyone like I do you.”

By the way his face closed, it wasn’t the response he wanted. I sensed I’d let him down somehow, but he didn’t make it easy. He started poking at the fire, and the question weighed between us in the silence until the other two returned.

* * *

Waiting was tough. We divided up the work, marking the days by cutting wood, hunting, cooking, and turning our shelter into a decent nest. In trunks in the sleeping room, we found some fabrics we put to good use making proper rag pallets. I laid them before the fire, grateful for such small touches of home.

Tegan got stronger visibly. This work she handled better than walking all day. As for me, I missed patrolling. It was too cold for that to serve any purpose, though. Anything that might hurt us would get lost in the snow or freeze.

As the days rolled on, game got scarce and we ate canned goods some days. Spam turned out to be a hunk of slimy meat. That gave me pause, but once we sliced it, the stuff smelled and tasted fine. I concluded the goo must be to keep it fresh.

Fade fell deeper into himself, more like he’d been in the enclave before I got to know him. He had stopped reading the book to us, and I didn’t have the heart to ask for the ending when he clearly had lost interest. I picked it up sometimes and touched the pages gently, marveling at its age.

To pa.s.s the time, I borrowed Tegan’s letter book—the one her mom had used—and started teaching Stalker to read. He had a good head for learning. In just a few days, he memorized the alphabet, then the words followed swiftly. Sometimes I fell asleep listening to him murmur, “A is for Apple…”

Often I felt Fade’s eyes on me as I sat with Stalker, but I didn’t look up. If he didn’t have the courage to say what was on his mind, I couldn’t help with whatever was bothering him. The other two took to chopping wood during Stalker’s lessons.

Eventually, I had to admit, “I think that’s all I can teach you.”