Part 6 (1/2)
”Insolent fellow,” said I; ”if I draw my sword, I will teach you how to speak to a man of honour; have you not had experience enough to be wise?
you ought to bear in mind the correction you received in Portugal, for treating a gentleman in the same indecorous manner you have me; but you are incorrigible.”
”Taisnerius,” said my devil, ”get into your hole, and draw your own horoscope.”
After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and encountered many astrologers, among whom were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi of Parma, a certain personage by the name of Tondin, and Cornelius Agrippa.
The moment this last perceived me, he cried out that ”the world did him injustice, in calling him Agrippa the black-in accusing him of magic, and other similar things, for which, he averred, he had not been d.a.m.ned: that he was born in an age of ignorance, when good physicians pa.s.sed for magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, and all learned men for people who had converse with the devil; that his book upon the Cabala, was nothing more but a satire upon the cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little key of Solomon; and finally, the book itself might be taken as a criterion of his faith, in those things by which they deceived the simple, and of the vanity of that science. I am no more a magician,” continued he, ”than Cardan, whom you can see if you wish.”
”Why then have you been d.a.m.ned?”
”Because I abused my knowledge, and amused myself with people's credulity; if I had indeed been a magician, I should have become penitent, and been saved.”
While I was speaking, I heard a tremendous uproar, proceeding from another apartment, and inquiring the cause, was informed the Turks were fighting; and as I happened to understand their language, discovered the quarrel was, in fact, between Mahomet and the two prophets, who had each established a sect in the Mahometan law. Mahomet complained very bitterly against Ali, because he had given to the Persians a false Alcoran, and because Albubekir had so illy explained his own, in Africa.
He, on the contrary, maintained that the Alcoran could have no other meaning, than what he had attached to it. Ali a.s.serted, there was no reason in this law; and furthermore, he contended, that Mahomet himself knew nothing about the book he had composed. They chafed furiously upon this, and cried out, as if enraged to madness; I heard their dialogue, but do not wish to be the herald of their quarrels. This was gentleness itself, compared with what pa.s.sed among the heretic and schismatic Christians; there I saw Luther in the habit of the Augustine order, with his monks about him, and a pot of wine on the table. ”Do the dead drink,” said I, ”to the devil?”
”Not at all; but this wine is set before their eyes, for the purpose of tormenting them with the sight of what they loved so well; it is for the same reason, that Luther has his wife with him.”
Melancthon was also there; he wept continually, and was so unquiet, that he could not remain an instant at rest: he traversed from right to left upon all sides, and then returned to the place from whence he set out, only to recommence the same journey. ”What is this man doing?” said I to Curiosity.
”He imitates the conduct he pursued in the world; for there he was alternately with Luther and the church; sometimes a Zuinglian, and sometimes a Calvinist; thus are the inconstant tormented. This good old man whom you see here, is Erasmus; this other is Grotius; unhappily, they neither of them had any religion. This man, who appears so sour, and is surrounded with ministers, is Calvin, who brought about the reformation.
These others, are heretics of the first ages, who are here for being reluctant to submit to legitimate authority. See the great Photius patriarch of Constantinople, how the Greeks surround him: he is justly punished for having quitted the ministry for the patriarchate; if he had remained in a civil station he would have been saved; but being mixed up in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so much wickedness, that he now suffers no more than he deserves.”
”A man so learned!” said I to the devil.
”Yes, too much so; and too much knowledge is often more injurious than profitable.”
I began now to tire of h.e.l.l, and fatigued with my walk, intimated a desire to my conductor to depart, and to be accompanied by him as far as the gate. He replied, he wished first to show me the apartment of the contractors, whom I had not yet seen, and which was upon a line with that in which we were. I then entered into the chambers of these farmers of the revenue, and was surprised to see such a mult.i.tude, each habited in the garb of his own country. ”There are here, then,” said I, ”people from all quarters of the globe.”
”Yes,” replied the devil, ”since there are every where imposts.”
”But why,” demanded I, ”are these people d.a.m.ned, who have levied the lawful tribute of legitimate princes? I have read in the scripture that it is lawful to pay tribute unto Caesar: how shall this tribute be paid, unless there are people to collect it? must one be d.a.m.ned for doing a duty?”
”Hold, hold,” cried the demon; ”not quite so much philosophy; these contractors were full as philosophical as you are; but it is nevertheless true, if they had only levied the tribute due to their prince, they would not have been d.a.m.ned; but they raised one not due, either to the prince or to themselves: they would have been much better off, had they not made so much expense, and the prince had given them but a s.h.i.+lling for a pound. Calculate, for a moment, what an enormous sum is requisite, for the compensation of the host of subalterns attached to an office; consider then, how much the princ.i.p.al must gain; add to that, what goes into the coffers of the king, without mentioning what is styled the _perquisites_, and you will find that not more than one per cent of the ducats are realized at the treasury; and that, he who gets the most, is doubtless the farmer. If the king of Spain would oblige them to send straight to him the custom on exports and imports, he would profit by that the contractors get. There needs but one commissary, for all the revenues of the king, in each office; he should supervise all the books and accounts, contenting himself with a generous salary for his care, punis.h.i.+ng frauds by pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions for second offences. If the matter was thus managed, the king would be richer, and taxes less; the people would be less burthened, and almost all this great number of contractors, would remain in commerce, in the army, or country. How much should you say,” demanded the devil, ”the king received, of what is annually taken from the royal mines?”
”About three quarters,” replied I.
”He would be too well off,” exclaimed he, with a cry of admiration; ”he does not get the thousandth part; all goes in outfits, in expenses; and I verily believe, that if these things are to continue thus, the king would gain more by closing them, than in causing them to be worked.”
”At present,” said I, ”there is a necessity of levying imposts, of having contractors, and paying them well: the neighbouring princes do the same, to furnish their charges and expenses of war: if this is an evil, it is one that must be endured, to preserve the whole body politic from destruction. But how is it possible, you can so vehemently dislike the gentlemen of the revenue, who form by far the largest part of your infernal population?”
”It is the force of reason,” answered he, ”that compels even demons to avow the truth, and both to love and detest the wickedness we are desirous of detecting in others, to make them companions of our misery.”
”I admire,” said I, ”the force of truth; and I admire not less to see injustice hated, even among the unjust; but I cannot comprehend, why you should say, that however legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the contractors cannot conscientiously take the public money.”
”You misapprehend me; that they can do; but the farmers collect more money than is consistent with equity, or the orders of the prince; they extort that which should be useful for the maintenance of the public weal: it is of this charge, of this waste, the contractors are guilty.”
”I understand you,” said I to the demon; ”but conduct me from hence, for I am weary.”
He continued:-”Do you comprehend what I say, that it is the contractors who are most happy and rich? and from whence come those superb mansions, as magnificently furnished as the Escurial palace? how can they support such enormous expenses? entertain so many gentlemen? give their daughters such ample dowries? contract advantageous alliances with the n.o.blest families of Castile and Arragon? Such an one shall command to-day, and be covered in the king's presence, who a year since drove a chariot, or stood behind a carriage. Another, who hired his land, shall presently purchase the farm he formerly cultivated. Appointed a subaltern in one of the offices, he soon becomes its head, and is elevated by degrees to the n.o.bility.”