Part 15 (1/2)

”Oh, boy, he said thickl, ” you are . so beautiful. ” He leaned on his hands and kissed her for alon time and deeply, swirling his tongue over every inch of her mouth, inside and out, glazing her with their combined essences , until she moaned and began to squirm with impatience and need. He pulled back reluctantly, feeling somewhat lightheaded himself, and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for his hand.

”Don't put it on,” she pleaded. ”Not yet.. please, I want to touch you.”

Because there was nothing he could have denied her then, he summoned all his willpower and lay back on the pillows.

As he stretched himself out beside her, she raised herself on I one elbow and put her hand on his chest, then he avidly watched as it explored the contours of his chest, seeming to , savor the textures of his hair and skin as a blind person might, or as if she could taste him with her fingertips. He held his breath and prayed for self-control when her hand started downward, following the thick line of hair down the middle of his torso. But he had only so much control, and i no more.

He did let her put on the condom, though, and watched her face while she did, taking great pleasure in her sweet inept.i.tude , and frank curiosity.

Sorry, g , y g y, P he roaned stain her hand fin all ut ting a , stop to the exquisite torture, that feels just. too good. ”

He raised himself to kiss her, bearing her over onto her back. ”There ll be time for that later,” he promised. ”All the time in the world. But for now.. ” He kissed her again, deeply, and yet again, deeper still. ”Honey, I'm afraid I'm going to burst. I want to be inside you when I do.”

She nodded, licking her lips, and mumbled ”Me, too. I want you inside me.” '

He shook his head, rippling deep down in his own chest, wondering how, in such circ.u.mstances, she could still make him laugh. ”I want... I need to make you ready for me, sweetheart. I don't want to hurt you: '

He could see that that idea had never occurred to her. Her eyes grew dark and liquid, and clung to his with total trust. She didn't say a word, just touched his lips with her fingertips Her lashes came fluttering down, and she nodded. He wondered if his heart would burst.

Slowly, then, and with all the care and tenderness he possessed , he began to prepare her for his invasion of her body, knowing that, if she wasn't technically a virgin, after so long a time she might as well be. He thought of that, of all she'd missed, of all that she'd come to mean to him and how much he cherished her, and with his heart in his mouth whispered words of love and praise to her as he kissed her. With his soul in his fingers he stroked and caressed her, coaxing fire from the center of her body to its surface until her skin, every centimeter of it, was charged and sensitized.

She writhed and pleaded that she couldn't possibly stand any more, but he gave her more, anyway, using his mouth and fingers to draw liquid heat from deep inside her, until she lay limp and honey-glazed, drunk with desire. ”Now... you're ready,” he murmured thickly, intoxicated himself.

Incapable of words, she simply opened her arms to him, and angled her body to make a place for him. He slid up over her, fitted himself to her moistened folds, and with the most exquisite care, eased himself inside her. So heated and ripe was she that she gave only the smallest gasp at the first intrusion, then along, sweet sigh of fulfillment and pleasure Her body arched languorously beneath his; her legs came up without his guidance, allowing him the deepest possible penetration.

He couldn't prevent a groan from escaping as he pushed g , into her body; it felt so good to him, he didn t know how he was going to be able to stand it. Firmly and completely housed, he paused, holding them both still while he counted heartbeats and fought for control. He felt her hands rake down his back and grasp his b.u.t.tocks, and her body undulate beneath him. He whispered raggedly, ”Joy be still a minute, love... be still.”

She nodded, but her body wouldn't obey. Neither would his. The ancient rhythms had taken them both.

”Joy-” he gasped, and then again, cradling her shoulders and head with his forearms and hands as he plunged into her. ” ” Joy. ”

”Yes... oh, yes-” She was sobbing now, her body rocked by forces absolutely beyond her control. Her face was wet with tears and sweat and the moisture from his kisses. ”Joy...” He whispered it with every kiss, until his jaws cramped with the effort of self-control and words became impossible.

She was breathing in whimpers, already far beyond words. He felt her body buck beneath him, her head and shoulders lift half off the pillows with unbearable tension.

He wanted to soothe and encourage her, tell her it was okay and just to let it come, but it was all he could do to stay with her, hold himself together for her sake. And when she finally did cry out and clutch at him like someone tumbling ; over a precipice, he could only m.u.f.fle her cries in his own mouth and try his best to hold her together while she shattered Then, oh, then. how good it felt to finally let go. With a groan he gave himself up to the same undeniable forces that had just claimed her, let them drive him to the same limits of endurance, then pump him dry, leave him limp, euphoric with relief, and utterly drained.

Chapter 14.

She was shaking. He couldn't tell, at first, whether it was with laughter or sobs, but when the clouds of pa.s.sion had parted to allow reason to s.h.i.+ne on him again, he saw that it was both. He understood how that could be; he was in much the same shape himself.

”Joy...” He whispered it brokenly, cradling her head in his hands, kissing away the moisture on her cheeks, brus.h.i.+ng it away with his thumbs. ”Joy...” He murmured it to each eyebrow and eyelid, to the tip of her nose and to the corners of her mouth. And although he'd never been one for poetry, or expressing deep feelings in words of any sort, what he found himself saying to her next, for him amounted to a sonnet. ”I know... that's not your real name. But... I think of you that way. I can't help it.. because it's what you are. It's what you always be to me. You are... my Joy. ”

She tried to hold back both the sob and the laughter, but it burst forth, anyway, a gasp, a liquid chuckle, a few more tears. She touched his face, gazing at him as if he were the sun itself, and whispered with the solemnity of a vow, ”Then that's who I am.. who I'll be... as long as I'm with you .”

He sighed deeply and kissed her with so much tenderness it made her ache all over. Then he eased himself away from her and went into the bathroom, leaving her s.h.i.+vering and bereft. But in a few minutes he was back, stretching out beside her and pulling her into his arms, covering them both with the comforter. She snuggled into his warmth with a profound sense of belonging.

Oh, G.o.d, she thought, how I wish I could stay here, just like this, forever.

How easy it would be to pretend that it was forever. She caught herself just as she was sinking into oblivion, and gave her head a sharp shake to wake herself. MacDougal nudged her with his chin and murmured sleepily, ” ” Hey, what's wrong? ”

”Nothing,” she whispered, squirming a little in the curve of his arm and chest. ”I was just dozing off.”

”That's okay... go ahead and sleep. I will, too....”

Her hand was resting on his chest. Slowly she drew her fingers through his hair, then tightened them into a fist. ”I don't want to sleep. I don't want to lose-” her voice caught ” ” - a single minute. ” ” ”Hey..” His finger stroked her hair, his hand coaxed her face against his shoulder. ”You're not going to lose anything. We're gonna have all the time in the world: '

Fear settled over her like a heavy, suffocating blanket. She closed her eyes tightly and felt cool moisture seep between her lashes. ”I just ... don't want this to end. I don't ... want to lose you: '

She could hear his chuckle, deep down inside his chest. ”Honey, you're not going to lose me, that I can promise you: His arms encircled her and tightened, and his voice grew harsh with emotion. ” I know this has all been rough on you. But I don't want you to be afraid anymore, okay? I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, lady. I don't want to lose you, either: '

She lay silent, listening to his accelerated heartbeat and wis.h.i.+ng with all her heart that she could believe that what he was saying was true.

He began to rub her back with long, soothing strokes, though she could tell by the way he held her that he was az calming himself as much as he was her. fighting his own emotions.

After a while he said in a soft, somber voice, ” ” We haven't el talked about this thing enough, Joy. That's pretty much my fault. I haven't known quite. how to talk to you about it.

How to get you to talk to me. And that's kind of funny, you know? Because it's one of the things I'm usually pretty good at. As a cop, that is. But see-that's the problem. I haven't been able to deal with you like a cop would. I realize that now. Right from the beginning of this, from the first moment I met you, I knew I didn't want to force you, or use pressure to get you to tell me what you knew. What I wanted-I kept hoping you'd eventually trust me enough to talk to me on your own. And the more I got to know you, ) the more feelings I had for you, the more frustrating it got that you couldn't seem to do that. Do you understand? ” , Again his arms tightened around her; she could feel him quivering with the power of what was inside him, and what it was costing him to hold it back. ” Can you understand how much it hurts to want so badly to help you. and know that you can't trust me enough to let me? G.o.d. Joy. ”

She pressed her knuckles against her mouth and drew a ragged breath, balancing her voice on a fragile bubble of air.

”It's not that I don't trust you. I want to tell you. I do.”

”Then for G.o.d's sake, tell me. Just ... tell me, Joy. Please.

Let's put this nightmare behind us. ”

The entreaty in his voire pierced her 11kc a knife. She pulled away from him and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Her voice came out through her tightly clenched teeth sounding low and sad and even, though inside she was screan1ing with pain.

”That's where you're wrong, MacDougal. You have this idea everything's going to be all right as soon as I tell you who killed Belle, right? But it won't be.” She began to rock herself back and forth with a small, jerky motion. ”It won't be.”

Doug watched her in silence for a few moments, aching for her, for the struggle he knew she must be going through, the betrayal she must have felt. Her shoulders looked hunched and defensive, as if she expected blows; when he touched her, she actually flinched.

He began to rub her back again, gently ma.s.saging, while in a voice filled with gravel he said, ”Joy, I know why you think that, but it's not true.” Beneath his hand, her body had gone very still. He kept rubbing, stroking her with his love and rea.s.surance. ” ” Honey, I know why you don't want to tell me: '

She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. He saw her swallow hard before she whispered, ”You do?”

”Yeah, I think I do. Come on, baby, I'll make it easier for you: His voice got rougher, rockier, but he forced the words out. ” It's a cop, isn't it? ”

For a fraction of a second her body seemed to turn to stone beneath his hand. He'd have sworn her heart, her breathing, all her life signs, simply. stopped. Then he felt her relax, grow warm and vital again. She let go of her knees and turned half-around so he could see her eyes, her lush and wlnerable mouth. She looked at him for along time, while he held his breath. Then she smiled, a tremulous ghost of her usual radiance.

”Yeah,” she said on an exhalation, closing her eyes as if in great relief, ”You're right. It was a cop.”

He should have felt a sense of triumph. of victory. But he didn't. Something wasn't right. He knew it. He could feel it. hear it. He was used to hearing what people tried not to say, listening to their slightest inflections, reading their eyes, their gestures, their body language, learning more from their silences than from their words. He was good at it, like a piano master with perfect pitch. He was hearing a sour note now, and it sent a cold chill down his spine.

He let go of the breath he'd been holding and swore quietly under his breath. Then he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.