Part 11 (1/2)

I don't suppose Bock or Peg get lonely, but by the bones of Ben Gunn, I do. Seems silly when Herrick and Hans Andersen and Tennyson and Th.o.r.eau and a whole wagonload of other good fellows are riding at my back. I can hear them all talking as we trundle along. But books aren't a _substantial_ world after all, and every now and then we get hungry for some closer, more human relations.h.i.+ps. I've been totally alone now for eight years--except for Runt, and he might be dead and never say so. This wandering about is fine in its way, but it must come to an end some day. A man needs to put down a root somewhere to be really happy.

What absurd victims of contrary desires we are! If a man is settled in one place he yearns to wander; when he wanders he yearns to have a home. And yet how b.e.s.t.i.a.l is content--all the great things in life are done by discontented people.

There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning, and yearning. A man should be learning as he goes; and he should be earning bread for himself and others; and he should be yearning, too: yearning to know the unknowable.

What a fine old poem is ”The Pulley” by George Herbert! Those Elizabethan fellows knew how to write! They were marred perhaps by their idea that poems must be ”witty.” (Remember how Bacon said that reading poets makes one witty? There he gave a clue to the literature of his time.) Their fantastic puns and conceits are rather out of our fas.h.i.+on nowadays. But Lord! the root of the matter was in them! How gallantly, how reverently, they tackle the problems of life!

When G.o.d at first made man (says George Herbert) He had a ”gla.s.s of blessings standing by.” So He pours on man all the blessings in His reservoir: strength, beauty, wisdom, honour, pleasure--and then He refrains from giving him the last of them, which is rest, i.e., contentment. G.o.d sees that if man is contented he will never win his way to Him. Let man be restless, so that

”If goodness lead him not, yet weariness May toss him to My breast.”

Some day I shall write a novel on that theme, and call it ”The Pulley.” In this tragic, restless world there must be some place where at last we can lay our heads and be at rest. Some people call it death. Some call it G.o.d.

My ideal of a man is not the Omar who wants to shatter into bits this sorry scheme of things, and then remould it nearer to the heart's desire. Old Omar was a coward, with his silk pajamas and his gla.s.s of wine. The real man is George Herbert's ”seasoned timber”--the fellow who does handily and well whatever comes to him.

Even if it's only shovelling coal into a furnace he can balance the shovel neatly, swing the coal square on the fire and not spill it on the floor. If it's only splitting kindling or running a trolley car he can make a good, artistic job of it. If it's only writing a book or peeling potatoes he can put into it the best he has. Even if he's only a bald-headed old fool over forty selling books on a country road, he can make an ideal of it. Good old Parna.s.sus! It's a great game.... I think I'll have to give her up soon, though: I must get that book of mine written. But Parna.s.sus has been a true gla.s.s of blessings to me.

There was much more in the notebook; indeed it was half full of jotted paragraphs, memoranda, and sc.r.a.ps of writing--poems I believe some of them were--but I had seen enough. It seemed as if I had stumbled unawares on the pathetic, brave, and lonely heart of the little man. I'm a commonplace creature, I'm afraid, insensible to many of the deeper things in life, but every now and then, like all of us, I come face to face with something that thrills me. I saw how this little, red-bearded pedlar was like a cake of yeast in the big, heavy dough of humanity: how he travelled about trying to fulfil in his own way his ideals of beauty. I felt almost motherly toward him: I wanted to tell him that I understood him. And in a way I felt ashamed of having run away from my own homely tasks, my kitchen and my hen yard and dear old, hot-tempered, absent-minded Andrew. I fell into a sober mood. As soon as I was alone, I thought, I would sell Parna.s.sus and hurry back to the farm. That was my job, that was my gla.s.s of blessings. What was I doing--a fat, middle-aged woman--trapesing along the roads with a cartload of books I didn't understand?

I slipped the little notebook back into its hiding-place. I would have died rather than let the Professor know I had seen it.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

We were coming into Woodbridge; and I was just wondering whether to wake the Professor when the little window behind me slid back and he stuck his head out.

”h.e.l.lo!” he said. ”I think I must have been asleep!”

”Well, I should hope so,” I said. ”You needed it.”

Indeed he looked much better, and I was relieved to see it. I had been really afraid he would be ill after sleeping out all night, but I guess he was tougher than I thought. He joined me on the seat, and we drove into the town. While he went to the station to ask about the trains I had a fine time selling books. I was away from the locality where I was known, and had no shyness in attempting to imitate Mifflin's methods. I even went him one better by going into a hardware store where I bought a large dinner bell. This I rang l.u.s.tily until a crowd gathered, then I put up the flaps and displayed my books. As a matter of fact, I sold only one, but I enjoyed myself none the less.

By and by Mifflin reappeared. I think he had been to a barber: at any rate he looked very spry: he had bought a clean collar and a flowing tie of a bright electric blue which really suited him rather well.

”Well,” he said, ”the Sage is going to get back at me for that punch on the nose! I've been to the bank to cash your check. They telephoned over to Redfield, and apparently your brother has stopped payment on it. It's rather awkward: they seem to think I'm a crook.”

I was furious. What right had Andrew to do that?

”The brute!” I said. ”What on earth shall I do?”

”I suggest that you telephone to the Redfield Bank,” he said, ”and countermand your brother's instructions--that is, unless you think you've made a mistake? I don't want to take advantage of you.”

”Nonsense!” I said. ”I'm not going to let Andrew spoil my holiday.

That's always his way: if he gets an idea into his head he's like a mule. I'll telephone to Redfield, and then we'll go to see the bank here.”

We put Parna.s.sus up at the hotel, and I went to the telephone. I was thoroughly angry at Andrew, and tried to get him on the wire first.

But Sabine Farm didn't answer. Then I telephoned to the bank in Redfield, and got Mr. s.h.i.+rley. He's the cas.h.i.+er, and I know him well. I guess he recognized my voice, for he made no objection when I told him what I wanted.

”Now you telephone to the bank in Woodbridge,” I said, ”and tell them to let Mr. Mifflin have the money. I'll go there with him to identify him. Will that be all right?”

”Perfectly,” he said. The deceitful little snail! If I had only known what he was concocting!