Part 3 (1/2)
”Okay,” said Dan. He paused. ”I'm sorry,” he went on. ”You're right. s.h.i.+t, oh well. I deserve it. Soon, soon, you know? Can you do me a favor?”
”Depends,” Laura said cautiously, dreading him asking her to come outside and do it on the porch.
”Can you look out the window and wave, just so I can see you tonight? Right, I'm off then. Bye, my darling. I wish...”
”Bye, Dan,” Laura said softly. ”I love you.”
The intercom went dead as she stuffed her fist into her mouth. I love you? Why? Why had she said that? d.a.m.n. She ran over to the window and gazed out over the quiet surburban North London street. The rain had stopped and the night was clear, and on the street below she could see a tall figure staring up at her. She opened the window and looked down, and there he was, his gorgeous face turned up toward her.
”I love you, too,” he shouted, and his voice echoed in the silence of the street. ”I love you.”
Laura stood there, her eyes filled with tears. And then she blew him a kiss and shut the window.
chapter five.
I n May, Amy, who had been very much in the background, suddenly came out fighting. She started making plans for her thirtieth birthday in September. She let it be known that she wanted to hire a villa in Spain for two weeks, she and Dan, and have various friends fly out at different times, all gathering together on the middle Sat.u.r.day for a huge party in the garden of the villa, which Dan was going to organize. She was back in the game. She even made an appearance at the pub.
Laura hadn't seen Amy for about six months. She had become, in Laura's mind, this vast, beauteous Amazonian woman, with tiny stick-thin wrists and a huge expensive handbag and matching shoes. She was dazzlingly beautiful, terrifyingly confident, and she knew something was up with Laura and Dan. In Laura's nightmares, Amy walked up to Laura and dragged her by the hair out of the pub, pulled all her hair out, then kicked her into the road.
The trouble was, in these nightmares, Laura kind of sided with Amy, not with herself. If she'd heard just the facts without knowing the details of it, she'd side with Amy, too. But, she kept telling herself, just a little longer, and then it'd be over. And when she and Dan had been together for twenty-five years and were as happy as ever, no one would remember the slightly murky beginnings of their relations.h.i.+p. It would be lost in the mists of time, and Amy would be off married to a billionaire banker-it wasn't even as if she and Dan were happy, after all. Laura was doing her a favor, in the long run.
So when Laura walked into the Cavendish and saw Amy, as tall and beautiful and stick-thin as ever, sitting on the sofa laughing girlishly with Jo, and realized that she was the terrifying Amazonian beauty of her nightmares, and that she, Laura, was still-well, normal, normal height, normal hair, normal everything-it was all she could do not to walk out. Amy gave her a lizardlike, thin-lipped smile, which meant nothing, as Amy pretty much hated all girls except her own, incredibly similar friends, who were kind of like the p.u.s.s.ycat Dolls mixed with the clique in Mean Girls.
”Hey, Dan,” said Chris as Laura came over to the bar. ”There's your Tube buddy!”
”Hey, Tube buddy,” said Dan, bending over to kiss Laura. How could he be so nonchalant, Laura wondered, as his hand squeezed her shoulder fleetingly and he kissed her on the cheek. ”Can I get you a drink?”
”Oh, a beer, thanks, Tube buddy!” said Laura. ”Hi, Jon. Hey, Chris. How was Morocco?”
”Haven't seen you since then, have we? Can't believe it. It was great,” said Chris, hugging her. ”Got some great photos to show you! The girls are over there, go and say hi.”
The girls. Laura went over to where Amy and Jo were sitting. Jo jumped up immediately. ”Laura, hi!” she said, her eyes sparkling. ”G.o.d, it's so good to see you, babe! How long's it been? How long? This is c.r.a.p, we mustn't leave it that long next time.”
”Hi, Laura!” said Amy. She looked down at Laura-both actually and metaphorically, thought Laura-and all three sat down again. Whoa, what an evening of direness lies ahead of me, she thought. Dan put her beer on the table and smiled at her. Amy leaned back and caught his hand. He smiled mechanically at her and released himself, walking back over to the bar to rejoin Chris. Laura didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
”I know we've had our problems over the past year,” Amy confided to Jo and Laura, an hour and a couple of drinks later. ”But lately, he's been...so different. I think he's realized.”
”Realized what?” asked Jo.
”Oh, I really hope he's realized...Gosh, it's awful saying it out loud, isn't it?”
”Oh, honey,” said Jo. She patted her hand. ”I know....”
Jo was no fan of Amy's either, but was a far more tolerant person than Laura.
”Well...” Amy blinked slowly, her huge eyes gazing at Jo with intensity. ”That, you know. He'll lose me. I'm going to finish with him if he doesn't shape up, and I've told him that.”
Laura looked round to see if Dan could hear any of this conversation. Chris and his brother were at the bar, talking to Hilary, but she couldn't see Dan anywhere. She turned back and looked at Amy, and suddenly felt the old hot flush of guilt wash over her.
”Well, that's great, Amy,” said Jo kindly. ”I hope it works out, if that's what you want.”
Laura flashed her a look as if to say, ”We hate Amy, what are you doing?” But Jo only glanced at her briefly in return.
”I really think it will,” said Amy, smoothing down her hair and smiling. ”I hope by then...well, I'm going to drop some gentle hints about what I'd like more than anything else for my thirtieth. If you know what I mean!”
”Great,” said Jo, taking a sip of her drink. ”Well, we'll just have to wait and see!”
”What?” Laura asked stupidly, thinking, What does she want? Some new shoes, probably, knowing Amy.
”Oh, Laura...!” Amy looked at Laura as if she were a little alien, or a Mexican peasant unfamiliar with her ways. Amy delicately ate an olive, and licked one of her fingers. She smiled at Laura pityingly. ”An engagement ring, of course.”
A pit from the lemon slice in Laura's gin and tonic wedged itself in her throat and she nearly choked. ”Right,” she gasped, determined not to lose control. ”Right. Aaah. Aaaaah. Loo. Excuse me.” And she got up and stumbled outside, to the clear fresh air of the spring night. She stood there taking big gulps of air, one hand clutching her throat, the other rubbing her stomach, a habit she had had since she was little. Right, indeed. She looked in through the big gla.s.s windows of the Cavendish, over to the squashy leather sofas where her friends sat, and wondered how things had come so far, got so out of control, so ridiculous. She looked at Jo, methodically folding up her cardigan, neatly stowing it in her bag, and felt helpless. She felt a million miles away from her best friend, from those she thought she knew.
As if by magic, Dan appeared around the corner. He had been to get some cigarettes. He jumped when he saw Laura standing outside, and she nearly screamed.
”What the-what are you doing out here?” Dan said testily.
”Having a breather,” Laura said, suddenly furious at him, especially at his tone. ”Listening to your girlfriend talking about her thirtieth birthday in September, how she wants all of us to fly out to Valencia and watch while you propose to her in front of all of us-oh, Dan, Dan...”
She started sobbing, great heaving sobs that shook her, and Dan pushed her away from the window and against the shop next door. He put his arms around her, holding her so tightly she thought she might not be able to breathe.
”Now, listen,” Dan said, putting a thumb up to her cheek to wipe away a tear. ”I have been such a s.h.i.+t to you. And to her, but this is about you. I promise you, that is not going to happen. I promise you I'm going to talk to her in the next couple of weeks. This has to end. I can't be with her anymore, I just can't stand it. And I want to be with you.”
He held her tighter and kissed her. She could feel him growing hard against her leg.
”I want to be with you, do you understand me?”
”Yes,” Laura whispered. ”So...it's over with her, then?”
”Yes,” Dan said solemnly. ”s.h.i.+t. I'm going to have to do something about it now, aren't I?”
”Yes, you are,” Laura said, hiccupping.
”Good. Now”-Dan bent down and kissed her again-”I'm so sorry I've been so useless. It's not fair to her, or me, and especially you. We will be together, I promise.”
”You really promise?” Laura said, wanting a final rea.s.surance.
Dan gripped her wrists and pressed himself against her. ”s.h.i.+t, Laura, I don't know what else I can say.” He looked around, shaking his head. ”I want you to believe it, I really do, but until I've talked to her, I can't...if only there was some way.”
Laura said slowly, ”How about that holiday? In July? The Florida road trip we talked about. Ending up in Miami. Two weeks, just us.”
She looked into his eyes and could see the glimmer of uncertainty, of something else-what was it?-there. He looked back at her, trying to bridge that final gap between them. Laura started to turn away, feeling powerful for the first time, and Dan grabbed her again and said, ”No, f.u.c.k it. Book it. I'm just scared. But I'm being weak and c.r.a.p. Book it.”
”Seriously?” Laura said, trying to stay calm, though a big smile broke out across her face.