Part 30 (1/2)

Jared skimmed his fingers over mine in a barely-there touch. I s.h.i.+vered at the small contact, the hairs on my back sticking straight up.

He uncapped the pen, and stuck the end in his mouth, thinking. The pink of his tongue swirled around the tip before he finally pressed the marker to my cast.

He totally did that on purpose and I was definitely affected by it.

That fact, scared the bejesus out of me, but excited me at the same time. It meant that something, long dormant inside me, was waking up.

Jared finished, and I pulled my arm back. I didn't dare peek at what he'd written; for fear that I might spontaneously combust on the spot.

Our dinner came and mine was actually pretty good.

Thankfully, Rollo didn't make any more embarra.s.sing remarks.

We dropped Rollo back off at the dorm, he gave me a look that told me he'd expect to know every juicy detail of my week with Jared.

It was getting kind of late when we got back to Jared's house. Karlie went upstairs to take a shower and then said she was going to bed.

Jared collapsed onto the couch and I took the chair.

”There's plenty of room for you on the couch,” Jared motioned to the empty s.p.a.ce at his feet.

I took the spot he had indicated and immediately my heart jumped in my chest at the close proximity.

”You look like you're deep in thought,” he said, after several minutes of silence.

I guess I was. I had been since he'd told me about his past.

How could someone go through something like that, and be so completely normal? I had let my rape eat away at me, and although my rape certainly wasn't something to be taken lightly, I felt like Jared had, had it even worse.

I shrugged when he continued to wait for me to say something.

”Tell me what you're thinking, Katy. I can see the wheels turning in your head,” he crossed his arms over his chest.

I sighed and tucked my hair behind my ears. ”I just don't understand how you're so... normal.”

Jared chuckled. ”Is that a bad thing?”

”No,” I picked at a piece of lint on my jeans. ”But usually people that go through something like what you did... they usually have a lot of baggage.”

Jared chuckled. ”I've s.h.i.+pped my baggage away, Katy. There's no use in holding onto it. I know I have every right to be an angry, bitter person, but I don't want to be that way. I want to go on with my life. I want to smile, and laugh, and love,” he looked at me significantly. ”I can't do that if I hold onto my past. Sometimes, you have to sever the strings of your past, Katy. You have to set yourself free.”

24.

WAKING UP IN JARED'S BED WAS NOT SOMETHING I'D GROW USED TO... even if I was already sad at the thought of going back to my condo.

”Hey, beautiful,” Jared grinned, before yawning. He stretched his arms above his head, flexing his impressive muscles. He rolled over towards me and rested his hand on top of the blanket, but over my hip. Even through the blanket, it felt like I was being seared by his touch. ”You didn't have a nightmare,” he remarked.

I jumped a little.

He was right.

I had suffered from the same nightmare every night since my rape, except for last night.

Even on nights Rollo stayed over, I still had them.

But Jared chased them away.

”You're right,” I whispered.

He smiled and I itched to reach out and rub the heavy stubble on his cheeks and chin. ”I'm glad you didn't have one, Katy. I hated seeing you so scared.”

”You kept it away,” I said before I could stop myself.

”If there's anything I can do for you, Katy, keeping that nightmare away has to be the best. I hate that you've been reliving that every night. Our dreams are meant to be an escape.” He reached out and picked up one of my curls, playing with it.

”I've grown used to it,” I whispered.

He let go of my hair and cupped my cheek in his large calloused hand. I stiffened at first, but then relaxed.

”It shouldn't be something you have to deal with, Katy. You're so good. I hate that something like that had to happen to you,” his thumb rubbed circles over my cheek.

I reached up and put my hand over his. ”Jared, you shouldn't have had to deal with what your dad did to you. Every day, something bad happens to someone, somewhere and they don't deserve it. You just have to decide if you're going to let the bad break you... or make you. I hate that I let it break me for so long.”

”Katy, if you let it break you, you would've done something drastic,” his hand guided down my cheek to my chin.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself to admit my failure. ”But I did.”

”What did you do?” His dark brows furrowed together.

I licked my lips and sat up. The sheet dropped down to my waist. My arms were bare, the scar easily visible. I held out my arm and Jared studied it. Confused, he sat up and turned on the light. He took my arm in my hand and twisted it in the light.

”You cut yourself,” he stated.

”I did... about a week after-” I swallowed, ”-after it happened. I couldn't deal. My mom didn't believe me and I couldn't go to the cops. They wouldn't have believed me, since I destroyed any evidence in my anger.” I chuckled to myself. ”Even if I hadn't they probably still wouldn't have. I come from a very small town, Jared, a town where everyone knows everybody and their business. Preston was... is,” I amended, ”the local hero. Everybody thinks he's good as gold and wors.h.i.+ps the ground he walks on. No one can see that he's fake. Nothing about him is real; it's all a show. Underneath it all, he's sick and disgusting.”

A tear slid down my cheek and Jared immediately wiped it away.

I looked down at the scar on my arm and ran a finger over it. ”It used to look different, my scar. My mom made me go to a plastic surgeon to make it less 'ugly'. She didn't want people to notice it, and know what I had tried to do. But they knew anyway.”

Jared gently grabbed my arm. Before I knew what was happening, his soft lips were pressed against my scar. A moan of pleasure escaped my lips.

”Nothing about you, could ever be ugly,” he said, his lips brus.h.i.+ng against the sensitive skin of my arm. I s.h.i.+vered, despite the fact that my temperature had spiked a couple of degrees. He pressed another kiss to my scar before pulling away. ”I'm going to get a shower,” he said, getting out of bed. His pajama bottoms were low on his hips. He stretched and I watched the muscles in his back ripple. That, combined with his mention of a shower, had me getting all hot and bothered.

Jared. Naked. Wet.

My cheeks flamed and I wanted to crawl in a hole. Even before things went sour with Preston, I'd never had thoughts like this about him.