Part 19 (1/2)

aIam sorry, Judas, my brother,a Jesus said, abut it is necessary.a aIave asked you before, Rabbia”is there no other way?a aNo, Judas, my brother. I too should have liked one; I too hoped and waited for one until nowa”but in vain. No, there is no other way. The end of the world is here. This world, this kingdom of the Devil, will be destroyed and the kingdom of heaven will come. I shall bring it. How? By dying. There is no other way. Do not quiver, Judas, my brother. In three days I shall rise again.a aYou tell me this in order to comfort me and make me able to betray you without rending my own heart. You say I have the endurancea”you say it in order to give me strength. No, the closer we come to the terrible moment ... no, Rabbi, I wonat be able to endure!a aYou will, Judas, my brother. G.o.d will give you the strength, as much as you lack, because it is necessarya”it is necessary for me to be killed and for you to betray me. We two must save the world. Help me.a Judas bowed his head. After a moment he asked, aIf you had to betray your master, would you do it?a Jesus reflected for a long time. Finally he said, aNo, I do not think I would be able to. That is why G.o.d pitied me and gave me the easier task: to be crucified.a Jesus took him by the arm and spoke to him softly, enticingly. aDo not abandon me; help me. Didnat you speak to the high priest Caiaphas? The Temple slaves whoall seize me, arenat they ready and armed? Hasnat everything happened just as we planned, Judas? Let us therefore celebrate the Pa.s.sover tonight all together, and I shall give you a sign to rise and fetch them. The dark days are only three; they will pa.s.s by like lightning, and on the third day we shall exult and dance all togethera”at the resurrection!a aWill the others know?a Judas asked, pointing with his thumb to the flock of disciples in back.

aIall tell them tonight. I donat want them to offer any resistance when the soldiers and Levites seize me.a Judas wrinkled his lips in contempt. aThey offer resistance! Where did you find them, Rabbi? One is worse than the next.a Jesus lowered his head and did not reply.

The moon rose and flowed over the earth, anointing stones, trees and men. Dark blue shadows fell on the land. In back the disciples, flocked together, talked and bickered. Some licked their chops at the thought of the banquet, some spoke with concern of Jesusa piercing words; and Thomas remembered the poor old rabbi. aItas all over with him. Hereas to our turn!a aWhat, will we die too?a said Nathanael, surprised. aDidnat we say we were headed for immortality?a aRight, but it seems we first have to go by way of death,a Peter explained to him.

Nathanael shook his head. aWeare taking a bad route to immortality,a he grumbled. aMark my words, weall find it d.a.m.ned unpleasant down there in h.e.l.l!a White and diaphanous like a ghost, Jerusalem now towered all moonlit in the air before them. The houses, in the moonlight, seemed to be detached and suspended above the ground. A din compounded of men singing psalms and animals being slaughtered rose more and more clearly into the night.

Peter and John stood waiting at the eastern fortress gate. Their faces flas.h.i.+ng under the brilliant moon, they ran out happily to receive them. aEverything happened just as you said it would, Rabbi. The tables are set. Dinner is served!a aAnd if you ask for the master of the house,a John added, laughing, ahe prepared everything and then disappeared.a Jesus smiled. aThat is the supreme hospitality: for the host to disappear.a They all quickened their pace. The streets were full of people, lighted lanterns and myrtles. The Pa.s.sover psalm resounded triumphantly from behind the closed doors: When Israel went forth from Egypt, when the house o f Jacob was delivered from the barbarians, The sea looked and fled, Jordan reversed its course; The mountains skipped like rams, the hills like lambs.

What ailed you, sea, that you fled, and you, Jordan, that you turned front to back?

What ailed you, mountains, that you skipped like rams, and you, hills, like lambs?

Tremble before the Lord, O Earth, before the G.o.d o f Israel, Who with his touch turns the rocks into lakes; and stones spout cool waters!

As the disciples marched through the streets they too began to chant the Pa.s.sover psalm. Peter and John went in front and led them. All, with the exception of Jesus and Judas, had forgotten their cares and fears and were running toward the waiting tables.

Peter and John halted, pushed open a door marked with a fingerprint made with the blood of the slain lamb, and entered. Jesus and the hungry procession followed. Pa.s.sing through the yard, they climbed up a stone staircase to the upper story. The tables were set. Three seven-branched candelabra illuminated the lamb, the wine, the unleavened bread, the appetizers, even the staffs they were supposed to hold as they ate, as though they were ready to depart on a long journey.

aWeare delighted to meet you!a said Jesus. He lifted his hand and blessed the invisible host.

The disciples laughed. aWhom are you greeting, Rabbi?a aThe Invisible,a Jesus answered, and he looked at them severely.

He tied a large towel around his waist, took water, knelt, and began to wash the disciplesa feet.

aRabbi, Iall never agree to let you wash my feet!a Peter cried.

aPeter, if I do not wash your feet, you will not join me in the kingdom of heaven.a aWell, in that case, Rabbi, wash not only my feet but my hands and head too.a They seated themselves around the tables. They were famished, but no one dared put out his hand. The teacheras face was stern this evening and his lips embittered. He looked at the disciples one by one: at Peter on his right, John on his lefta”all; and opposite him, at his grave, unaccommodating accomplice with the red beard.

aFirst of all,a he said, awe must drink the salt water, to remember the tears which our fathers shed in the land of slavery.a He took the pitcher with the salt water and started by filling Judasas gla.s.s to overflowing, then poured a few sips into the gla.s.ses of the others, and lastly filled his own brimful.

aMay we remember the tears, the pain and the anguish men suffer for the sake of freedom!a he said, and he emptied his brimful gla.s.s in a single gulp.

The others drank with contorted mouths. Like Jesus, Judas emptied his gla.s.s in one gulp. He showed it to the master and turned it upside down. Not a single drop remained.

aYouare a brave warrior, Judas,a Jesus said, smiling. aYou can endure even the most severe bitterness.a He took the unleavened bread and divided it. Next, he served the lamb. Each one put out his hand and took his share of the bitter herbs prescribed by the Law: oregano, bay and savory. Then, red gravy was poured over the meat in remembrance of the red bricks which their ancestors manufactured during their captivity. They ate hurriedly, as the Law prescribed, and each one grasped his staff and kept one foot raised in the air, prepared to depart.

Jesus watched them eat, not eating himself. He too held his staff and kept his right foot in the air, ready for a great journey. No one spoke. The only sounds were from the clacking of jaws, the clinking of winegla.s.ses, and tongues licking the bones. The moon entered through the skylight above them. Half of the tables were brightly illuminated, half plunged in purple darkness.

After a deep silence Jesus opened his mouth. aPa.s.sover, my faithful fellow voyagers, means pa.s.sagea”pa.s.sage from darkness to light, from slavery to freedom. But the Pa.s.sover that we celebrate tonight goes even further. Tonightas Pa.s.sover means pa.s.sage from death to eternal life. I go in the lead, comrades, and clear the way for you.a Peter shuddered. aRabbi,a he said, ayouare speaking about death again, and again your words are a double-edged knife. If any calamity hangs over you, speak freely. Weare men.a aItas true, Rabbi,a said John. aYour words are bitterer than these bitter herbs. Have pity and speak to us clearly.a Jesus took his still-untouched portion of bread and divided it mouthful by mouthful among the disciples.

aTake it and eat,a he said. aThis is my body.a He also took his gla.s.s of wine, which was still full, and pa.s.sed it from mouth to mouth. They all drank.

aTake it and drink,a he said. aThis is my blood.a Each of the disciples ate his mouthful of bread and drank his sip of wine. Their minds reeled. The wine seemed to them thick and salty, like blood; the portion of bread descended like a burning coal into their very bowels. Suddenly, terrified, they all felt Jesus take root within them and begin to devour their entrails. Peter leaned his elbows on the table and began to weep.

John bent over to Jesusa breast. aYou want to depart, Rabbi, you want to depart ... to depart ...a he mumbled over and over, unable to utter anything more.

aYouare not going anywhere!a Andrew yelled. aThe other day you said, aLet him who has no knife sell his cloak to buy one!a Weall sell our clothes, weall arm ourselves; and then let Charon come ina”if he darea”to touch you!a aYou shall all abandon me,a Jesus said uncomplainingly. aAll.a aI never!a shouted Peter, wiping away his tears.

aPeter, Peter, before the c.o.c.k crows, you will deny me three times.a aI? I?a Peter bellowed, beating his chest with his fists. aI deny you? Iam with you to the death!a aTo the death!a groaned all the disciples, jumping to their feet in a trance.

aSit down,a Jesus said tranquilly. aThe hour has not yet come. This Pa.s.sover I have a great secret to confide to you. Open your minds, open your hearts, do not let yourselves be afraid!a aSpeak, Rabbi,a John murmured, his heart trembling like a reed.

aYou have eaten? You are no longer hungry? The body is filled? Will it finally allow your soul to listen in peace?a Trembling, they all hung on Jesusa lips.

aBeloved companions,a he cried, afarewell! I depart!a The disciples cried out, fell upon him and held him so that he would not leave. Many were weeping. But Jesus turned calmly to Matthew.

aMatthew, you know the Scriptures by heart. Get up and in a strong voice tell them Isaiahas prophetic words in order to steady their hearts. You remember: aHe grew up in the eyes of the Lord like a small, frail tree ...a a Rejoicing, Matthew jumped to his feet. He was stoop-shouldered, bow-legged, desiccated, and his long, slender fingers were endlessly smudged; but suddenly, how straight he stood! His cheeks caught fire, his neck swelled, and the words of the prophet echoed in the high-ceilinged attic, full of bitterness and strength: He grew up in the eyes of the Lord like a small, frail tree which sprouts out o f unwatered ground.

He had neither beauty nor l.u.s.ter that we should turn our eyes to see him; his face had nothing to please us.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.

We turned away our faces and esteemed him not.

But he took upon himself all our pains; He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; And with his stripes we are healed.

He was scourged, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; Like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, he opened not his mouth. ...

aThatas enough,a said Jesus, sighing.

He turned to the companions. aIt is I,a he said quietly. aThe prophet Isaiah is speaking about me: I am the lamb that is being led to the slaughter, and I shall not open my mouth.a After a pause, he continued. aThey have been leading me to the slaughter ever since the day of my birth.a The amazed disciples stared at him with gaping mouths, struggling to understand what he had told them; and suddenly, all together, they hid their faces against the tables and raised the dirge.

For a moment even Jesus lost heart. How could he abandon these wailing companions? He lifted his eyes and looked at Judas. But the otheras hard blue eyes had been pinned on Jesus for a long time. He had divined what was happening inside the master and how easily love could paralyze his strength. The two glances joined and wrestled in the air for a split second, the one stern and merciless, the other beseeching and afflicted. A split second onlya”and straightway Jesus shook his head, smiled bitterly at Judas, and turned again to the disciples.

aWhy do you weep?a he asked them. aWhy are you afraid of Death? He is the most merciful of G.o.das archangels, the one who loves man the most. It is necessary that I be martyred and crucified, and that I descend to h.e.l.l. But in three days I shall jolt out of my tomb, ascend to heaven and sit next to the Father.a aAre you going to leave us again?a John shouted, weeping. aTake us with you to h.e.l.l and heaven, Rabbi!a aThe task on earth is also a heavy one, John, beloved. You must all stay here on the soil, and work. Fight, here on the earth; love, waita”and I shall return!a Jacob had already become reconciled to the rabbias death and was spinning in his mind what they would do when they were left on earth without him.

aWe cannot oppose G.o.das will and the will of our master. As the prophets tell us, Rabbi, it is your duty to die, ours to live: to live so that the words you spoke shall not perish. Weall establish them firmly in new Holy Scriptures, weall make laws, build our own synagogues and select our own high priests, Scribes and Pharisees.a Jesus was terrified. aYou crucify the spirit, Jacob,a he shouted. aNo, no, I donat want that!a aThis is the only way we can prevent the spirit from turning into air and escaping,a Jacob countered.

aBut it wonat be free any more; it wonat be spirit!a aThat doesnat matter. It will look like spirit. For our work, Rabbi, thatas sufficient.a A cold sweat flowed over Jesus. He threw a quick glance at the disciples. No one lifted his head to object. Peter looked at Zebedeeas son with admiration. His was a creative mind: head taken on all the s.h.i.+ning traits of his father, the captain; and now you would seea”he was going to set everything in order for the master himself. ...

Jesus, despairing, lifted his hands. He seemed to be asking for help. aI shall send you the Comforter, the spirit of truth. He will guide you.a aSend us the Comforter quickly,a John cried, aso that we wonat be led astray and fail to find you again, Rabbi!a Jacob shook his hard, obstinate head. aIt tooa”this spirit of truth youare talking abouta”it too will be crucified. You must realize, Rabbi, that the spirit will be crucified as long as men exist. But it doesnat matter. Something is always left behind, and that, I tell you, is enough for us.a aItas not enough for me!a Jesus shouted in despair.

Jacob felt troubled when he heard this painful cry. He approached and took the masteras hand. aYes, itas not enough for you, Rabbi,a he said. aThat is why you are being crucified. Forgive me for contradicting you.a Jesus placed his hand on the obstinate head. aIf G.o.d wills it thus, let the spirit be eternally crucified upon this earth, and may the cross be blessed! Let us bear it with love, patience and faith. One day it will turn to wings on our shoulders.a They did not speak. The moon was now high in the heavens, and a funereal light spilled over the tables. Jesus crossed his hands.

aThe dayas work is done,a he said. aWhat I had to do, I did; what I had to speak, I spoke. I think I have done my duty. Now I cross my hands.a He nodded opposite him to Judas, who rose, tightened his leather belt and grasped his crooked staff. Jesus waved his hand at him, as though saying goodbye.

aTonight,a he said, awe shall be praying under the olive trees of Gethsemane, past the Cedron Valley. Judas, my brother, goa”with G.o.das blessing. G.o.d be with you!a Judas parted his lips. He wanted to say something, but changed his mind. The door was open. He rushed out, and his large feet were heard stamping heavily down the stone stairs.

Peter felt uneasy. aWhere is he going?a he asked. He started to get up in order to follow him, but Jesus held him back.

aPeter, the wheel of G.o.d has begun to roll. Do not step in the way.a A breeze had arisen. The flames on the seven-branched candelabra flickered. Suddenly there was a vehement gust of wind and the candles went out. The entire moon entered the chamber.

Nathanael was frightened and leaned over to his friend. aThat wasnat the wind, Philip. Someone came in. Oh G.o.d! do you think it was Charon?a aAnd what do you care if it was!a the shepherd answered him. aHe isnat looking for us.a He slapped the back of his friend, who still had not recovered his equilibrium.

aBig s.h.i.+ps, big storms,a he said. aThank G.o.d weare only rowboats and walnut sh.e.l.ls.a The moon had seized Jesusa face and devoured it. Nothing remained but two pitch-black eyes. John was frightened. He stealthily held his hand to the rabbias face to see if it still existed. aRabbi,a he murmured, awhere are you?a aI havenat left yet, John, beloved,a Jesus replied. aI was lost for a moment because I thought of something an ascetic on holy Mount Carmel once told me: aI was immersed in the five troughs of my body,a he said, alike a pig.a a aAnd how were you saved, Grandfather?a I asked him Was it a great struggle?a a aNot at all,a he answered me. aOne morning I saw a flowering almond tree and was saved.a ...