Part 10 (1/2)
You were too little to remember I know I told you about it One Christmas You never saw the bullet hole in the kitchen tile by the stove?
I thought Daddy was cleaning a pistol Why'd she shoot at him?
The better question is, Lecia adds, why'd she shoot at anybody?
There was a pause, and we said in unison, To get their attention To get their attention
Which had been her standard explanation over the years
I know a lot of people, Lecia says I know a lot of people who're drunks I even know a lot of drunks with guns-and grudges Our mother's the only person I know ever shot at anybody
It see with her
In fairness to her, Lecia says, she sounds contrite
Maybe we could check her in the sao in on the buddy system, like the navy
Later, Tex calls to announce he's shepherding Harold through the hospital's recoveryevery day (such loyalty ed weekly visits to Daddy in the hoister on him) Tex can't keep the beuess what she wound up doing this s?
Yes, ma'am
Like a witch in church, I say
So her husband's ass, and Mother claiot sick to her sto across the hall with all the drunks Everybody laughing and raising hell So she wound up crossing over
She went to aof sober drunks?
She did
Will wonders never cease, I say If this winds up taking, I owe you big
She's going to anothertoo much, I say She's only there because he is- Don't be too sure, he says They give out these white chips to anybody sober a day Desire chip, it's called Looks like a poker chip She raised her hand and stood up in front and got herself one She raised her hand and said, I'm Charlie, and I'm an alcoholic
Tomorrow she'll wake up and say, I'm Charlie, and I'm the fire chief I'm Charlie, and I'm the fire chief
Tex says one of the lecturers at the detox was the very guy she'd called thirty years back, the guy who said she wasn't sick enough to be an alcoholic
I'd like to give that bastard a piece of my mind, I say
But cynical as I try to sound about Mother's stab at norh talk gets thinner, the pauses in the conversation longer We're starting-reluctantly-to hope
Afterward, I go into Warren's study and lean on the door fralances up, saying, I never thought she drank that ape at him, and he says, I knohen you were little, she was bad
Later, Mother calls, sounding chastened, and I scold her and hang up, for when she's in no iet to spill onto her the black bile I feel
Eventually, I get drunk at her again, driving to the liquor store for a bottle of Jack Daniels like my poor old daddy used to drink (no scrap of awareness in the sihpictures, where Mother looks walleyed and very pleased with herself I could drag her behind my car, I think Instead, I drain the poison that I hope will kill her
13
Ho white cloud,Sunset like the parting of old acquaintancesWho bow over their clasped hands at a distanceOur horses neigh to each otheras we are departing-Li Po, ”Taking Leave of a Friend” (trans Ezra Pound) Two years after the wedding-five years after we met-Warren meets my invalid daddy on a summer day when the humid Texas air is saturated from the local oil refineries with a fluorocarbon stench that could peel paint It's their sole encounter
I lead Warren into the urine-drenched air of Daddy's nursing ho the nurses on duty as if we're long lost sorority sisters But inside, I'o right or wrong between two ulfs between them and such silence inside them-Warren bred to it, Daddy broken to it
A with a thin pink blanket over his legs alk up When he sees s down He's shaking his head with a stiff, persistent fraction of a smile Truly, he's a man split in half, neither fully dead nor fully alive
His eyes are black as a crow's, though, and they sparkle and go hen he sees ht, I say It's Mary I kiss his whiskery neck, asking does he want ister the offer-a relief, since I whinge at inflicting the slightest razor nick
His good hand grabs rips it with the old iron he had in my youth I stand next to him while Warren waits off to the side
A little old lady in cat's eye glasses with hair woven atop her head wheels up to me She says, Are you his wife?
No,if maybe Mother doesn't visit as often as she's told us, else this old bird was also too out of things to remember Mother
His sweetheart?
No, oodness, she says I'o my hand a second and waves over toward the lady She wheels to his other side, then puts her hand on one wheel of his chair protectively, saying, He buys me cokes He stays with me all day, so I never have to wonder where he's at
He's good that way, I say
He's never lied to me, not once
From the half of Daddy's face I can see, his old slances off mine in cahoots I can, for an instant, see hi, Don't tell your mama and sister You and me'll sneak off for a strawberry freeze Don't tell your mama and sister You and me'll sneak off for a strawberry freeze
I start to rip I wave Warren over Daddy, I say, this is Warren
Daddy glances at him