Part 28 (2/2)
Begone, or by the livin' Farmer, I'll scatter the contents of this blunderbush among you.' He that wishes to have M'Carthy done for was wid us himself, and tould us in Irish to fire at the windy, which we did, and on the instant slop came a shower of bullets among us. A boy from the Esker got one of them through the brain, and fell stone dead; two others--we can't mention names--was wounded, and it was well we got them off safe. So there's our night's work for us. Howaniver, the day's comin' when we'll pay them for all.”
”I think, boys,” said a person, whose voice was evidently that of a man advanced in years, ”I think you ought to give this procthor Purcel a cardin'. He lifts the t.i.thes of four parishes, and so far he's a scourge over four parishes; himself and his blasted citations to the bishop's court and his blasted decrees--h.e.l.l purshue him, as it will. Ah, the Carders wor fine fellows, so were the s.e.xtons.”
”Bravo, Billy Bradly, conshumin' to me but I'm--I'm main proud, and that we met you com--omin' from the wake to-night; I am, upon my sow--owl.”
”I believe, Billy,” said another voice, ”you had your own fun wid procthors in your day.”
”Before the union--h.e.l.l bellows it for a union---but it has been a black sight to the counthry! Amin this night--before the union, it's we that did handle the procthors in style; it isn't a cowardly threatenin'
notice we'd send them, and end there. No--but I'll tell you what we done one night, in them days. There was a man, a procthor, an' he was a Catholic too, for I needn't tell you, boys, that there never was a Protestant procthor half as hard and cruel as one of our own ralligion, an' thas well known. Well, there was this procthor I'm tellin' of, his name was Callaghan; he was a dark-haired I'll-lookin' fellow, with a squint and a stutther; but for all that, he had a daicent, quiet, well-behaved family that offended n.o.body--not like our proud horsewhippin' neighbors; an', indeed, his daughters did not mount their side-saddles like some of the same neighbors, but sure we all know the ould proverb, set a beggar on horseback, and we needn't tell you where he'll ride to. Well, I'm forgettin' my story in the mane time. At that time, a party of about sixty of us made up our minds to pay Callaghan a nightly visit. The man, you see, made no distinction betune the rich and poor, or rather he made every distinction, for he was all bows and sc.r.a.pes to the rich, and all whip and f.a.got to the poor. Ah, he was a sore blisther to that part of the counthry he lived in, and many a widow's an' orphan's curse he had. At any rate, to make a long story short, we went a set of us, a few nights afore we called upon him--that is, in a friendly way, for we had no intention of takin' his life, but merely to tickle him into good humor a bit, and to make him have a little feelin' for the poor, that he many a time tickled an' got tickled by the sogar's bagnet to some purpose; we went, I say, to a lonely place, and we dug sich a grave as we thought might fit him, and havin'
b.u.t.toned and lined it well with thorns, we then left it covered over with scraws for fraid anybody might find it out. So far so good. At last the appointed night came, and we called upon him.
”'Is Mr. Callaghan in?' said one of us, knockin' at the door.
”'What's your business wid him?' said a servant girl, as she opened the door.
”'Tis to pay some t.i.the I want,' says the man; and no sooner was the word out of his mouth than in we boulted betther than a score of us; for the rest all stayed about the place to act accordin' to circ.u.mstances.
”'How do you do, Misther Callaghan?' says our captain, 'I hope you're well, sir,' says he, 'and in good health.'”
”'I can't say I am, sir,” said Callaghan, 'I haven't been to say at all well for the last few days, wid a pain down my back.'
”'Ah, indeed no wondher, Mr. Callaghan,' says the other; 'that's the curse of the widows and orphans, and the poor in general, that you have oppressed in ordher to keep up a fat an' greedy establishment,' says he, 'but in the mane time, keep a good heart--we're friends of yours, and wishes you well; and if the curses have come down hot and heavy on your back, we'll take them off it,' says he, 'so aisily and purtily, that if you'll only shut your eyes, you'll think yourself in another world--I mane of coorse the world you'll go to,' says he;--'we have got a few nice and aisy machines here, for ticklin' sich procthors, in ordher to laugh them into health again, and we'll now set you to rights' at wanst.
Comes, boys,' says he, turnin' to us, 'tie every sowl in the house, barrin' the poor sick procthor that we all feel for, bekaise you see, Misther Callaghan, in ordher to do the thing complate, we intind to have your own family spectawthers of the cure.'
”'No,' said one of them, a determined man he was, 'that wasn't in our agreement, nor it isn't in our hearts, to trate the innocent like the guilty.'”
”'It must be done,' said the captain.
”'No,' said the other back to him, 'the first man that mislists a hair of one of his family's heads, I'll put the contents of this through him--if this onmanly act had been mentioned before, you'd a' had few here tonight along wid you.'
”Well, sure enough, the most of us was wid the last speaker, so, instead of cardin' the sick procthor before his own family, we tied and gagged him so as that he neither spoke nor budged, and afther clappin' a guard upon the family for an hour or two, we put him on horseback and brought him up to where the grave was made. We then stripped him, and layin' him across a ditch, we got the implements, of the feadhers as we call them, to tickle him. Well, now, could you guess, boys, what these feadhers was? I'll go bail you couldn't, so I may as well tell you at wanst; divil resave the thing else, but half-a-dozen of the biggest tom-cats we could get, and this is the way we used them. Two or three of us pitched our hands well and the tails of the cats into the bargain, we then, as I said, laid the naked procthor across a ditch, and began to draw the tom-cats down the flesh of his back. G.o.d! how the unfortunate divil quivered and writhed and turned--until the poor wake crature, that at first had hardly the strength of a child, got, by the torture he suffered, the strength of three men; for indeed, afther he broke the cords that tied him, three, nor three more the back o' that, wasn't sufficient to hould him. He got the gag out of his mouth, too, and then, I declare to my Saviour his scrames was so awful that we got frightened, for we couldn't but think that the voice was unnatural, an sich as no man ever heard. We set to, however, and gagged and tied him agin, and then we carded him--first down, then up, then across by one side, and after that across by the other. * Well, when this was done, we tuk him as aisily an' as purtily as we could.
”D--n your soul, you ould ras--rascal,” said the person they called Ned, ”you wor--wor 'all a parcel o' b.l.o.o.d.y, d--n, h.e.l.l--fi--fire cowardly villains, to--to--thrat--ate any fellow crature--crature in sich a way.
Why didn't you shoo--shoo--oot him at wanst, an' not put--ut him through h.e.l.l's tor--tortures like that, you b.l.o.o.d.y-minded ould dog!”
To tell the truth, many of them were shocked at the old carder's narrative, but he only, grinned at them, and replied--
”Ay, shoot--you may talk about shootin,' Ned, avick, but for all that life's sweet.”
”Get on--out, you ould sinner o' perdition--to blazes wid you; life's sweet you ould 'shandina--what a purty--urty way you tuk of sweetenin'
it for him. I tell--ell you, Bil--lilly Bradly, that you'll never die on your bed for that night's wo--ork.”
”And even if I don't, Ned, you won't have my account to answer for.”
”An' mighty glad I am of it: my own--own's bad enough, G.o.d knows, an'
for the mat--matther o' that--here's G.o.d pardon us all, barrin' that ould cardin' sinner--amin, acheerna villish, this night! Boys, I'll sing-yes a song.”
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