Part 10 (1/2)
Ann sat quite still; she had a feeling that if she moved to make any other sound, however slight, than that of speech some spell would be broken. In the darkness Bart had awakened out of the stupor of his injury; and although Ann could not have expressed it, she felt that his voice came like the speech of a soul that is not a part of the things we see and touch. It was so strange to her that he did not ask her where he was. For a few minutes more at least she did not want to bring the least rustle of material surroundings into their talk. She was still incredulous; it is only a very weak mind that does not take time to grow into a new point of view.
”Bart, was G.o.d with father when he tried to kill you and tied you to the tree?”
”Yes.”
”How do you know?”
”You can't think of G.o.d being less than something else. If G.o.d was not in your father, then s.p.a.ce is outside G.o.d's mind. You can't think that G.o.d wanted to save your father from doing it and didn't, unless you think that the devil was stronger than G.o.d. You can't think that you are more loving than G.o.d; and if He is so loving, He couldn't let any one do what wasn't just the best thing. I tell you, it's a love that's awful to think of that will go on giving men strength to do wrong until through the ages of h.e.l.l they get sick of it, rather than make them into machines that would just go when they're wound up and that no one could love.”
”Do they know all this in church, Bart?” Ann asked. It had never occurred to her before to test her beliefs by this standard, but now it seemed necessary; she felt after tradition instinctively. The nakedness of Bart's statements seemed to want tradition for a garment.
Bart's words were very simple. ”When I was fastened on that log and saw all this, I saw that Jesus knew it all, and that that was what all His life and dying meant, and that the people that follow Him are learning to know that that was what it meant; it takes them a long, long time, and we can't understand it yet, but as the world goes on it will come clearer. Everybody that knows anything about Him says all this in church, only they don't quite understand it. There's many churches, Ann, where the people all get up and say out loud, 'He descended into h.e.l.l.'
I don't know much, for I've only read the Bible for one year; but if you think of all that Jesus did and all that happened to Him, you will see what I mean. People have made little of it by saying it was a miracle and happened just once, but He knew better. He said that G.o.d had been doing it always, and that He did nothing but what He saw G.o.d doing, and that when men saw Him they would know that G.o.d was like that always.
Haven't I just been telling you that G.o.d bears our sins and carries our sorrows with us until we become blessed because we are holy? We can always choose to be that, but He will never _make_ us choose. Jesus never _made_ anybody do anything; and, Ann, if there are things in the Bible that we don't understand to mean that, it is because they are a parable, and a parable, Ann, is putting something people can't understand in pictures that they can look at and look at, and always learn something every time they look, till at last they understand what is meant. People have always learned just as much from the Bible as they can take in, and made mistakes about the rest; but it is G.o.d's character to make us learn even by mistakes.”
Ann's interest began to waver. They were silent awhile, and then, ”Bart, do you know where you are?” she asked.
”I don't seem to care much where I am, as long as you are here.” There was a touch of shyness in the tone of the last words that made all that he had said before human to her.
”If it hadn't been that I thought it was father, I'd have taken you home.” She told him how she had brought him. ”If it had been a boat,”
she said, ”I'd have found out who it was before we got here, but the canoe was too narrow.”
CHAPTER XVI.
Ann dosed where she sat. Toyner slept again. At length they were both aware that the level light of the sun was in the room.
Ann sat up, looking at the door intently. Then her eyes moved as if following some one across the room.
”What is it?” asked Toyner.
Ann started up with one swift look of agonised entreaty, and then it seemed that what she had seen vanished, for she turned to Bart trembling, unable to speak at first, sobs struggling with her breath.
”It was father--I saw him come to the door and come in. He's dead now.”
”What did he look like?” Toyner's voice was very quiet.
”He looked as if he was dead, but as if he was mad too--his body as if it was dead, and himself wild and mad and burning inside of it.” She was crouching on the floor, shaken with the sobs of a new and overwhelming pity. ”O Bart! I never cared--cared anything for him before--except to have him comfortable and decent; but if I thought he was going to be--like that--now I think I would die to save him if I could.”
”Would you die to save him? So would G.o.d; and you can't believe in G.o.d at all unless you know that He does what He wants to do. And G.o.d does it; dies in him, and is in him now; and He will save him.”
Bart's eyes were full of peace.
”Can't you trust G.o.d, Ann? When He is suffering so much for love of each of us? He could make us into good machines, but He won't. Can't you begin to do what He is doing for yourself and other people? Ann, if He suffers in your father and in you, He is glad when you are glad. Try to be glad always in His love and in the glory of it.”
Ann's mind had reverted again to the traditions of which she knew so little. ”I don't want to go to heaven,” she said, ”if father is in some place looking like he did just now.”
”Heaven” (Bart repeated the word curiously), ”heaven is inside you when you grow to be like G.o.d; and through all ages and worlds heaven will be to do as He does, to suffer with those that are suffering, and to die with those that are dying. But remember, Ann, too, it means to rejoice with those who are rejoicing; and joy is greater than pain and heaviness. And heaven means always to be in peace and strength and delight, because it is along the line of G.o.d's will where His joy flows.”