Part 4 (1/2)
After a bit of a pause, Cyndi leaned in closer. ”Can I talk to you?”
I looked at her face, loaded with makeup and the reddest lipstick that ever existed adorned her lips. I smiled again, a little less awkwardly this time. ”Sure,” I said and got up to go with her.
She led me outside the dance area, until we could only hear m.u.f.fled beats. She took me to the upstairs floor. We were standing in an area where there were rooms, in a line, like a hotel. We stood in the hallway and talked in hushed voices.
”I missed you,” Cyndi said.
”Cyndi-”
”It's okay, you don't have to say it back.”
”Why did you bring me here?”
”The thing you hired me for,” Cyndi said. ”I just wanted to thank you for that. I was really in need of money back then. Your check was a big help.”
”Cyndi, you can always come to me for money.”
”I know,” Cyndi said. ”But I prefer earning my money.”
”I know that.”
”I just wanted to know if it worked.”
”It did.”
”Good. So, you're with someone?”
”It's complicated.”
She smiled. ”Isn't it always?”
”I guess.”
”Are you here for someone?”
”I'm just here for the drinks,” I said.
”No one comes here for the drinks, Thorne.”
”I do.”
”Suit yourself,” she said, and walked up to me, kissed me on the cheek. ”It was nice running into you.”
”Same here.”
When she left, I was finally able to go back to my friends. ”That Cyndi must be a lot of fun in bed,” Mark said the moment I claimed a seat on our booth. ”Maybe I could hire her next.”
”She's not going to come to you,” Jonah said. ”Everyone knows Cyndi has the hots for Ryker!”
”Jonah, please...” I tried to say but he wouldn't stop teasing me.
”Oh come on,” he said. ”Admit it! You make them fall in love with you and then you break their hearts. That's your M.O. isn't it?”
His words made me angry and I wanted nothing more than to shut him up, but then I realized I couldn't shut up every person who thought that way. My reputation was what it was, I couldn't change it. It was too late. If they thought I was some man-wh.o.r.e with zero attachments then I should just let them think that way.
No one cared about the truth.
I watched Cyndi walking past our table to go to the men on another booth. They smiled at each other and then Cyndi sat with them, started drinking with all three. I should have felt something at this, but I felt nothing for her anymore. And that was a good thing, I told myself.
It was a very good thing.
Because what I really wanted, was to have Elena here with me. That was the only thing that made sense anymore. But she didn't even know I had all these feelings about her. She didn't want anything to do with me. I needed to show her somehow, that I wanted her not because of some temporary attraction but because I knew who she was, and I knew she was perfect for me. But I had to stop thinking that way because she would not care for me much when she found out who I was, that I frequented bondage clubs. It was a secret I hadn't even confided about in most friends, let alone a girlfriend. Even if we did end up going out at some point, there was no way I could tell her about all this. She would end up hating me and that was the last thing I wanted.
ELENA.
The rain is pouring down, heavy, and there's nowhere I can find shelter. I keep glancing at the people pa.s.sing by and they all have huge umbrellas, but they won't lend me a little bit of shade. And then I see Nick, and I know it's him but he has this menacing expression on his face, as if he is going to turn into a bizarre creature or something, and he scares me so I run. But between the rain and the people, and their huge umbrellas, it is impossible to get away from him until someone grips my arm and pulls me away. Afraid that it might be Nick, I try to steal a look at the face, even though I don't want to...
...and I am left looking into a pair of soft, blue eyes.
”You don't have to run away,” he says.
And then he smiles.
And it's beautiful.
It takes away some of my fear.
”Let me help you,” he says.
I'm afraid that Nick will catch up to us and I can do nothing but fear his approach, but then the blue-eyed man just holds me and kisses me...
I got the same feeling I used to get when I had been fantasizing about movie stars too much, and ended up seeing one of them in some odd fantasy that my brain conjured up while my other senses were asleep. Only this time, it's him. The dream had so overtaken me I forgot his name...
...Thorne, I remember then.
The sight of his offering a hand to shake, of stifling that cigarette, it all came back, and so did bits and pieces of the dream. One part of me was so embarra.s.sed I didn't even know what to say. The other one wanted to resume that dream and go back to sleep, because that kiss was kind of hot. And then, I heard the phone on my nightstand, vibrating away and I picked it up before it ruined Penny's sleep on a weekend, my third week away from Nick. When I saw the phone and saw the same texts, I felt a certain amount of disappointment. Nick, who could barely wake up before four in the evening on weekends was now awake, at ten in the morning, and calling me as if the world was about to end. And suddenly, I had the urge to read through his messages. In retrospect, it might have been a bad move.
I don't know if it was the effect of the dream, or the messages themselves or some strange wave of nostalgia that brought tears to my eyes.
<nick> I LOVE YOU.
<nick> I KNOW I'VE BEEN AN a.s.sHOLE.