Part 7 (1/2)

Mother said, 'Oh, stop a bit!

This is _overdoing_ it!'

VII

THE CAT

(_Advice to the Young_)

My children, you should imitate The harmless, necessary cat, Who eats whatever's on his plate, And doesn't even leave the fat; Who never stays in bed too late, Or does immoral things like that; Instead of saying, 'Shan't!' or 'Bos.h.!.+'

He'll sit and wash, and wash, and was.h.!.+

When shadows fall and lights grow dim, He sits beneath the kitchen stair; Regardless as to life and limb, A shady lair he chooses there; And if you tumble over him, He simply loves to hear you swear.

And, while bad language _you_ prefer, He'll sit and purr, and purr, and purr!

PART III

_PERVERTED PROVERBS_

I

'VIRTUE IS ITS OWN REWARD'

Virtue its own reward? Alas!

And what a poor one, as a rule!

Be Virtuous, and Life will pa.s.s Like one long term of Sunday-school.

(No prospect, truly, could one find More unalluring to the mind.)

The Model Child has got to keep His fingers and his garments white; In church he may not go to sleep, Nor ask to stop up late at night.

In fact he must not ever do A single thing he wishes to.

He may not paddle in his boots, Like naughty children, at the sea; The sweetness of Forbidden Fruits Is not, alas! for such as he.

He watches, with pathetic eyes, His weaker brethren make mud-pies.

He must not answer back, oh no!

However rude grown-ups may be; But keep politely silent, tho'

He brim with scathing repartee; For nothing is considered worse Than scoring off Mamma or Nurse.

He must not eat too much at meals, Nor scatter crumbs upon the floor; However vacuous he feels, He may not pa.s.s his plate for more; --Not tho' his ev'ry organ ache For further slabs of Christmas cake.

He is commanded not to waste The fleeting hours of childhood's days, By giving way to any taste For circuses or matinees; For him the entertainments planned Are 'Lectures on the Holy Land.'

He never reads a story-book By Rider H. or Winston C., In vain upon his desk you'd look For tales by Arthur Conan D., Nor could you find upon his shelf The works of Rudyard--or myself!