Part 1 (2/2)

CONSIDERING Dr. Johnson's definition of wine-the fermented juice of the grape-and in contrast with the EU diktat, we might pause to ask ourselves what else wine can legitimately, though possibly ill-advisedly, be made of other than grapes. Mead-which will crop up again later-springs to mind, though it's a bit of a stretch to consider honey a vegetable. But the truth is that it's hard to find anything that grows that Dr. Johnson's definition of wine-the fermented juice of the grape-and in contrast with the EU diktat, we might pause to ask ourselves what else wine can legitimately, though possibly ill-advisedly, be made of other than grapes. Mead-which will crop up again later-springs to mind, though it's a bit of a stretch to consider honey a vegetable. But the truth is that it's hard to find anything that grows that hasn't hasn't at some time or another been made into something that might be described as wine. at some time or another been made into something that might be described as wine.

We have before us as we write detailed instructions for the making of carrot wine, ”corn squeezins,” cuc.u.mber wine, wine from Jerusalem artichokes, onion wine, pea wine, peapod wine, parsnip wine, wine from pumpkins, wine from zucchini, sweet potato wine, sugarcane wine, and tomato wine. Most alarming of all, here is a recipe that begins: Put water on to boil. Shred Brussels sprouts and place in primary. Chop raisins and add to primary. When water boils, pour over cabbage and raisins. Add sugar, stirring to dissolve. Let sit overnight.

Brussels sprout wine. But sprouts are famously among the three things-the others being eggs and asparagus-that do not go do not go with wine. All we require now is asparagus wine and wine made from eggs, and we will have the top three self-canceling wines imaginable. Admittedly, the supplier of this recipe, Roxanne's Wine Cellar, begins with a disclaimer: with wine. All we require now is asparagus wine and wine made from eggs, and we will have the top three self-canceling wines imaginable. Admittedly, the supplier of this recipe, Roxanne's Wine Cellar, begins with a disclaimer: I developed this recipe by request. A search of the Internet for a Brussels Sprout Wine recipe only yielded a note on a website that there are no recipes on the Web for Brussels sprout wine!

But who would request such a thing? And surely the exclamation mark at the end, suggesting surprise at the absence of such a recipe on the Internet, is completely inexplicable.

However, de gustibus non est disputandum de gustibus non est disputandum-a Latin phrase meaning ”there's no accounting for taste,” useful to deploy when someone turns up for dinner bearing a bottle of homemade Brussels sprout wine.

Apple wine, pear wine, bilberry wine, cherry wine, elderflower wine, ginger wine, coriander wine, plum wine: if it grows, if it produces sugar (or if it can have sugar added to it), someone, somewhere, will have produced wine from it, even if only once.

But why the unquestioned supremacy of real real wine, by which we mean (siding with Dr. Johnson's first definition and that of the EU) wine made from grapes? wine, by which we mean (siding with Dr. Johnson's first definition and that of the EU) wine made from grapes?

It used to be a mystery. Why should grapes be superior to strawberries, peaches, or rhubarb? There seems inherently no reason-or there did not until 1998, when a Cornell scientist, Robert Kime, came up with what appears to be a very good reason.

It's the other thing about wine that's the problem. The alcohol.

Grape-based wines can be allowed to develop an alcohol content of up to 14.5 percent and still be considered excellent by many. But the aromatic compounds in other fruits and vegetables are less robust, and alcohol is, after all, a solvent. Allow the percentage of alcohol to rise to 11 percent, and the aromatics will be dissolved and evaporate literally overnight.

The answer? Halt fermentation at about 10.5 percent alcohol by refrigeration to 28F.

And now we wish we had never repeated this information, lest it encourage anyone to make a Brussels sprout wine that captures the true, the unspeakable flavors of the things.

How did wine help Marduk become king of the G.o.ds?

THE BABYLONIAN creation epic creation epic Enuma Elish Enuma Elish tells how Marduk, ”the bull calf of the sun” and a young but mighty storm G.o.d, vanquished and destroyed Tiamat, the great mother G.o.ddess of Sumer. Tiamat and her son and consort Kingu, an evil pair, were the sea dragons of Chaos. Marduk was inclined to indulge in pranks, such as putting the winds on a leash, and a number of the lesser G.o.ds grew resentful. They decided to ask Tiamat to destroy him. She in turn decided to make war on Marduk and on those G.o.ds who were her enemies and who supported him. She created eleven monsters and put Kingu at the head of her forces. Her enemies wanted her destroyed, but who was to lead their forces? She was so powerful that none wished to go into battle against her. In desperation Ea, the G.o.d of wisdom and father of Marduk, decided that his son had the best chance of defeating her. Therefore, he asked Marduk to fight her as the champion of her enemies. Marduk tells how Marduk, ”the bull calf of the sun” and a young but mighty storm G.o.d, vanquished and destroyed Tiamat, the great mother G.o.ddess of Sumer. Tiamat and her son and consort Kingu, an evil pair, were the sea dragons of Chaos. Marduk was inclined to indulge in pranks, such as putting the winds on a leash, and a number of the lesser G.o.ds grew resentful. They decided to ask Tiamat to destroy him. She in turn decided to make war on Marduk and on those G.o.ds who were her enemies and who supported him. She created eleven monsters and put Kingu at the head of her forces. Her enemies wanted her destroyed, but who was to lead their forces? She was so powerful that none wished to go into battle against her. In desperation Ea, the G.o.d of wisdom and father of Marduk, decided that his son had the best chance of defeating her. Therefore, he asked Marduk to fight her as the champion of her enemies. Marduk opened his mouth, saying unto [Ea], ”If I indeed, as your avenger,Am to vanquish Tiamat and save your lives,Set up the a.s.sembly, proclaim supreme my destiny!”

In short, the a.s.sembly of the G.o.ds had to agree that if he won, he would be their chief forever.

This would be difficult: in general the G.o.ds would be loath to concede supreme power to any of their number, let alone to a young G.o.d. Ea decided that he should invite the G.o.ds who were the enemies of Tiamat to a banquet. He had his servants prepare mounds of pancakes, a favorite food of the Mesopotamian G.o.ds, and placed beside each of them a huge vessel br.i.m.m.i.n.g with a fragrant and delicious wine-or alcoholic beverage-made from dates. To encourage their drinking, he gave each G.o.d a tube through which he could drink his wine without needing to move. To encourage their relaxation, he had musicians play soft music on their pipes, and he brought into the hall many sheep, whose bleating further lulled the G.o.ds into restfulness. When the time came for the G.o.ds to vote on Marduk's proposal, the entire a.s.sembly agreed to his terms.

Arming himself with bow and arrows, a bludgeon of thunder, and a flail of lightning, the young storm G.o.d marched against the ancient G.o.ddess. One by one he defeated her monsters, and after a terrible battle he destroyed her and imprisoned the monsters in the bowels of the earth. He then tore the body of Tiamat into two pieces. He flung one piece up into the air, which formed the firmament; the other piece became the foundation of the earth.

The losing G.o.ds were punished by being forced to serve the other G.o.ds, digging the earth and sowing the crops. They eventually rebelled, burning their baskets and spades. Marduk killed Kingu and used his blood and bones to create a puppet, man, to do all of the work. In grat.i.tude, the G.o.ds built the city of Babylon, the center of wors.h.i.+p of Marduk as the leader of the pantheon of the G.o.ds of the Babylonian Empire.

What is terroir, and should we care?

TERROIR is one of those words that can only be translated by a sentence. For the more mystical among French winemakers and their equivalents in other countries, it is almost the spirit of the place, incorporating any and everything that makes up or influences a vineyard. Let us imagine that you want to buy a good vineyard, and, after due consideration of what is on offer-both in the market and in your bank account-you visit your choice. Stand in the middle of it: what do you see and feel? There's the climate, for one. In fact, it's for three, because grape growers divide it into macroclimate, which covers a region; mesoclimate, which covers a vineyard; and microclimate, which covers a vine. Is it hot, warm, cool, or cold, or a combination? Then there's the soil: what is it made of, and can water drain through it easily-most vines prefer keeping their feet dry-but can it retain just enough water for when the vine needs it? There's the alt.i.tude: is it high up or low down? There's the aspect: is it on a hillside-often better-or on flat land? How many hours of sunlight does a season provide, and how much warmth does the vineyard retain at night? Are there small rocks that are heated during the day and then radiate this warmth onto the vines at night? Is it near bodies of water, which moderate the heat or cold? In short, is one of those words that can only be translated by a sentence. For the more mystical among French winemakers and their equivalents in other countries, it is almost the spirit of the place, incorporating any and everything that makes up or influences a vineyard. Let us imagine that you want to buy a good vineyard, and, after due consideration of what is on offer-both in the market and in your bank account-you visit your choice. Stand in the middle of it: what do you see and feel? There's the climate, for one. In fact, it's for three, because grape growers divide it into macroclimate, which covers a region; mesoclimate, which covers a vineyard; and microclimate, which covers a vine. Is it hot, warm, cool, or cold, or a combination? Then there's the soil: what is it made of, and can water drain through it easily-most vines prefer keeping their feet dry-but can it retain just enough water for when the vine needs it? There's the alt.i.tude: is it high up or low down? There's the aspect: is it on a hillside-often better-or on flat land? How many hours of sunlight does a season provide, and how much warmth does the vineyard retain at night? Are there small rocks that are heated during the day and then radiate this warmth onto the vines at night? Is it near bodies of water, which moderate the heat or cold? In short, terroir terroir refers to all of the natural elements of a place. This means that the place matters. Furthermore, it means that some places are better than others. And most of all, it means that wines made from grapes grown in the best refers to all of the natural elements of a place. This means that the place matters. Furthermore, it means that some places are better than others. And most of all, it means that wines made from grapes grown in the best terroirs terroirs can command much higher prices than those wines made by less fortunate proprietors. can command much higher prices than those wines made by less fortunate proprietors.

Many growers and winemakers in the New World continue to deny that such a thing exists. Some years ago, a California farmer reputedly insisted that it is all just dirt: give the wine-maker the grapes and he or she will make good wine. Certainly, size can make a difference as to whether or not you have a terroir terroir to celebrate, in that the owner of a thousand-acre ranch in Australia spread out over a flat terrain is more likely to dismiss the concept than the Burgundian owner of four hectares whose soil differs markedly from that of the vineyard across the road. Nevertheless, it is the case that increasing numbers of New World winemakers are now, rightly, insisting on the quality of their own to celebrate, in that the owner of a thousand-acre ranch in Australia spread out over a flat terrain is more likely to dismiss the concept than the Burgundian owner of four hectares whose soil differs markedly from that of the vineyard across the road. Nevertheless, it is the case that increasing numbers of New World winemakers are now, rightly, insisting on the quality of their own terroirs terroirs.

So the real question is not ”What is terroir?” but ”Does terroir matter?” Except for the wrapped-up and blindfolded, it must be clear to any human being that terroir terroir exists. After all, why plant grapes in one field, cotton in another, and wheat in another? It is because the conditions are right for the respective crops. Can the winemaker really overcome obstacles provided by grapes that are not quite ripe, relatively tasteless, or too watery? If he wants to provide a drinkable wine, probably so. If she wants to produce a premium wine, almost certainly not. In other words, is great wine made in the vineyard or in the winery? Will you as an owner pay more for a great vineyard or a great winemaker? If you want to make a great wine, you must first acquire the great vineyard. Without that, even a great winemaker will struggle to make a great wine. To maintain both your vineyard and your winemaker, you need your wine to command a great price. And therefore, across the world, all those who aspire to this position celebrate their unique exists. After all, why plant grapes in one field, cotton in another, and wheat in another? It is because the conditions are right for the respective crops. Can the winemaker really overcome obstacles provided by grapes that are not quite ripe, relatively tasteless, or too watery? If he wants to provide a drinkable wine, probably so. If she wants to produce a premium wine, almost certainly not. In other words, is great wine made in the vineyard or in the winery? Will you as an owner pay more for a great vineyard or a great winemaker? If you want to make a great wine, you must first acquire the great vineyard. Without that, even a great winemaker will struggle to make a great wine. To maintain both your vineyard and your winemaker, you need your wine to command a great price. And therefore, across the world, all those who aspire to this position celebrate their unique terroirs terroirs. Desire makes believers of us all.

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Why did Omar Khayyam write so much about wine?

CONSIDERING that he was one of the greatest mathematicians of the medieval period (he lived from 1042 to 1131) as well as a notable astronomer and philosopher, why did Omar Khayyam write so much about wine? As a mathematician, he has exerted an influence that still exists today. His treatise on the theory of Euclid's that he was one of the greatest mathematicians of the medieval period (he lived from 1042 to 1131) as well as a notable astronomer and philosopher, why did Omar Khayyam write so much about wine? As a mathematician, he has exerted an influence that still exists today. His treatise on the theory of Euclid's Elements Elements advanced the theory of numbers, but of even more fundamental importance, in his mid-twenties he wrote a famous treatise on algebra, demonstrating, for the first time, how to solve cubic equations. Remember quadratic equations from school (e.g., x advanced the theory of numbers, but of even more fundamental importance, in his mid-twenties he wrote a famous treatise on algebra, demonstrating, for the first time, how to solve cubic equations. Remember quadratic equations from school (e.g., x25x=6=0, which is solved by x=2 or x=3)? Khayyam was the first to show how one would solve cubic equations such as x3=5x2=3x81=0 (of which one solution is x =3). But this was not enough: hidden for years from all but his circle of friends, he was a poet-and not only a poet, but a Persian poet who did not conform to Islam.

Islam had been brought to Persia by the Arabs in 642, barely ten years after the death of the Prophet. In northeast Persia, where Khayyam was born, the orthodox principles of Islamic law were determinedly enforced. Islam forbade its followers from drinking wine, a prohibition strengthened in the eleventh and twelfth centuries by the growth of religious factions, many of which were fanatical in support of their beliefs. Omar ibn Ibrahim al-Khayyam-Omar the son of Ibrahim the tentmaker-was nominally a Muslim, but he was secular in his bones and had little time for turbulent religious controversies. Nevertheless, it was safer to wear an outward conformity, and the ruba'i ruba'i provided a vehicle with which to express his disdain. provided a vehicle with which to express his disdain.

The ruba'i ruba'i was a two-line stanza of Persian poetry set out as a quatrain, of which the first, second, and fourth lines must rhyme. It was epigrammatic: beginning with a reflection or description, it drew a moral in the final line. Witty and intelligent people could express their feelings and opinions. Circulating anonymously and often voicing criticism of imposed doctrines or prohibitions, they were a favorite verse form among intellectuals, who might meet in each other's home and recite a was a two-line stanza of Persian poetry set out as a quatrain, of which the first, second, and fourth lines must rhyme. It was epigrammatic: beginning with a reflection or description, it drew a moral in the final line. Witty and intelligent people could express their feelings and opinions. Circulating anonymously and often voicing criticism of imposed doctrines or prohibitions, they were a favorite verse form among intellectuals, who might meet in each other's home and recite a ruba'i ruba'i or two. Persia had for centuries been a wine-drinking culture, but Islam prohibited wine; what could be more natural than to use verses about taverns, the grape, and wine both as descriptors and as metaphors for private opposition to the attempts to stamp out suspicious opinions? or two. Persia had for centuries been a wine-drinking culture, but Islam prohibited wine; what could be more natural than to use verses about taverns, the grape, and wine both as descriptors and as metaphors for private opposition to the attempts to stamp out suspicious opinions?

This is what Omar Khayyam did. Everyone knows his most famous one, as translated and remodeled by the Englishman Edward FitzGerald in The Ruba'iyat of Omar Khayyam The Ruba'iyat of Omar Khayyam in 1859 and subsequent editions (the standard version of this particular verse is from the fifth edition of 1889): in 1859 and subsequent editions (the standard version of this particular verse is from the fifth edition of 1889): A Book of Verses underneath the Bough, A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread-and Thou Beside me singing in the Wilderness- Oh, Wilderness were Paradise enow!

This one is harmless enough. But what about this one, which has a touch of anti-Islam about it: And much as Wine has play'd the Infidel, And robb'd me of my Robe of Honour-well, I often wonder what the Vintners buy One half so precious as the Goods they sell.

This is even clearer in a near-literal translation (not by FitzGerald) of another verse: Drinking wine and consorting with good fellows Is better than practising the ascetic's hypocrisy; If the lover and drunkard are to be among the d.a.m.ned Then no one will see the face of heaven.

But according to Khayyam, heaven probably does not exist-and this in itself might have been enough to condemn him, had the authorities known: When the world is filled with the rumour of the fresh rose Command, love, the wine to be copiously poured; Don't bother about houris, heavenly mansions, Paradise, h.e.l.l-they're all rumour, too.

For Khayyam, wine was a metaphor for life: drink it while you can, because you will eventually die and there is nothing more: YESTERDAY This Day's Madness did prepare; This Day's Madness did prepare; TOMORROW's Silence, Triumph, or Despair: Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why: Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.

Yet he was not always so ridden with anguish or such a sense of finality. His ruba'iyat ruba'iyat must also have struck sparks because of their occasional devil-may-care cynicism: must also have struck sparks because of their occasional devil-may-care cynicism: You know, my Friends, with what a brave Carouse I made a Second Marriage in my house; Divorced old barren Reason from my Bed, And took the Daughter of the Vine to Spouse.

With sentiments like these, and the ability to craft them into memorable verses, it is perhaps no wonder that he, and others like him, recited them to trusted friends while sipping from goblets of wine. Were they the earliest samizdat?

What was the truth about Cleopatra's pearl?

IN ORDER TO impress Mark Antony, Cleopatra supposedly dissolved a fabulously valuable pearl in her cup of wine and drank it. Anyone who has tried this will realize that any wine you might be able to stomach would not be acidic enough to destroy a pearl. Pliny, on the other hand, wrote that ”the servants placed in front of her only a single vessel containing vinegar, the strong rough quality of which can melt pearls” (IX.58). This is certainly more plausible, for the acetic acid concentration in vinegar might be sufficient to dissolve a pearl, which is mostly calcium carbonate; however, unless it was crushed first, the process would take rather a long time, and Mark Antony might have lost interest and left. Furthermore, the residual acetic acid would have made the drink distinctly unpleasant. Perhaps she looked into his eyes in a sultry manner in order to distract him while she drank the wine and just swallowed the pearl. impress Mark Antony, Cleopatra supposedly dissolved a fabulously valuable pearl in her cup of wine and drank it. Anyone who has tried this will realize that any wine you might be able to stomach would not be acidic enough to destroy a pearl. Pliny, on the other hand, wrote that ”the servants placed in front of her only a single vessel containing vinegar, the strong rough quality of which can melt pearls” (IX.58). This is certainly more plausible, for the acetic acid concentration in vinegar might be sufficient to dissolve a pearl, which is mostly calcium carbonate; however, unless it was crushed first, the process would take rather a long time, and Mark Antony might have lost interest and left. Furthermore, the residual acetic acid would have made the drink distinctly unpleasant. Perhaps she looked into his eyes in a sultry manner in order to distract him while she drank the wine and just swallowed the pearl.

What was Falstaff expecting when he called for more sack?

SACK, OR SACKE, or sherris-sack, or a number of other variations, was a very popular drink from the early Tudor period throughout the next century or so, but it bore only a partial resemblance to the sherry of today. The plays of Shakespeare are littered with references to sack, but probably the most famous, as these things go, is Falstaff's paean in Act IV of or sherris-sack, or a number of other variations, was a very popular drink from the early Tudor period throughout the next century or so, but it bore only a partial resemblance to the sherry of today. The plays of Shakespeare are littered with references to sack, but probably the most famous, as these things go, is Falstaff's paean in Act IV of Henry IV, Part II Henry IV, Part II. He had been challenged for cowardice by Prince John of Lancaster, a son of Henry IV, because ”when everything is ended, then you come”-he had managed to miss partic.i.p.ating in the crus.h.i.+ng of a rebellion. Falstaff denies to Prince John that he is a coward, but he afterward admits to himself that he might be but for sack: The ... property of your excellent sherris is the warming of the blood; which before, cold and settled, left the liver white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity and cowardice; but the sherris warms it, and makes it course from the inwards to the parts extremes ... [S]kill in the weapon is nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work.

But sack did more than make men brave: it also ascends me into the brain; dries me there all the foolish and dull and crudy vapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full of nimble, fiery, and delectable shapes; which delivered o'er to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit.

So sack was a wine which could make the drinker-depending on the point of view of the spectator-garrulous and foolhardy, or witty and brave.

There is general agreement as to its origins as a Mediterranean wine. The English, who had a centuries-long love affair with the wines of Iberia for reasons of taste and politics-centuries of wars with France had rendered access to claret less than straightforward-were the most notable devotees of sack. In due course, they settled on the sack from southwest Spain. The outcome was general agreement that ”sherris-sacke”-and later sherry-could only come from Jerez de la Frontera (as did the name), but in Shakespeare's time and later, sack could also come from the Spanish-dominated Canary Islands. Indeed, in his Dictionary Dictionary, Samuel Johnson defined sack as ”a kind of sweet wine, now brought chiefly from the Canaries,” adding that ”the sack of Shakespeare is believed to be what is now called Sherry.”

Sack could be both dry and sweet. Fundamentally, sack was a dry wine, but it could be sweetened by the addition of concentrated juice from a very sweet grape, the Pedro Ximenez (as is the case with sherry today). In Falstaff's day sack was normally sweet, but often the English-who had a notoriously sweet tooth-themselves added sugar or honey to it. It was white or gold or tawny, but never red. It could be harsh and strong, and this wine was often called the sherry sacke, or the sherris-sacke to which Falstaff referred. Bad wine could be doctored by lime, the acid of the wine being neutralized by the alkali, but Falstaff for one forcefully objected to this. In Act II of Henry IV, Part I Henry IV, Part I, after calling for a cup of sack, he shouted: ”You rogue, there's lime in this sack too! There is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous man; yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it”-clearly, to Falstaff a comparison of the utmost contempt. While not precisely a connoisseur, he had his standards.

Sack was the wine of a single year, unlike the sherry of today, which is blended from the wines of a number of years by the solera system. Nowadays the buyer knows what to expect, because sherry producers have house styles; then, it was unpredictable, with wines from the same vintage developing differently in different casks: more or less dry, more or less rich. The conclusion of the writer William Younger was that ”Sherry-Sack was Sherry before Sherry became civilized.”

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