Part 7 (2/2)
”_Were?_” repeated Pierre.
”Oh!” said Luce, ”we always love each other;” still somewhat embarra.s.sed by the word which had escaped her without thinking. (Why must she always tell him more than she meant to? And nevertheless he did not ask, he dared not ask her. But she saw that his heart was putting the question.
And it's so nice to confide in someone when one has never had the chance! The silence of the house, the half-shade of the room encouraged her to confess.) She observed:
”There's no saying or knowing what has been going on for the last four years. The whole world is changed.”
”You mean to say that your mother, or that you have changed?”
”The whole world,” repeated she.
”In what respect?”
”That's hard to define. One feels everywhere among people who know each other, even in the family, that the relations are not the same. One is never sure of anything any more; in the morning one says to oneself: What is it I am going to experience this night? Shall I recognize it?
One is as if on a plank in the water just about to upset.”
”What is it that's happened?”
”I don't know,” said Luce, ”I can't explain it. But it has come since the war. There is something in the air. Everybody is troubled. In families one sees people who were not capable of doing without one another marching off today, each one in his own direction. And as if intoxicated each one runs along with nose on the trail.”
”Where do they go?”
”I don't know. And I believe they don't either. Either pure chance or some desire spurs them. Women take lovers. Men forget their wives. And kindly people, too, who generally appear so calm and so orderly!
Everywhere we hear of households broken up. It's the same between parents and children. My mother....”
She stopped, then ran on:
”My mother lives her own life.”
She stopped again:
”Oh, it's perfectly natural! She is still young, and poor mama has not had much happiness; she has not poured out her sum of affection. She has a right to want to make her life over again.”
Pierre inquired:
”She wants to marry again?”
Luce shook her head. One could hardly know very well.... Pierre dared not insist.
”She loves me well, still. But it's not the way it used to be. She is able to do without me at present.... Poor mama! She would be so sorry if she knew that her love for me is no longer in her heart as the first of all! She would never confess that, never.... O, how queer it is, this life!”
She wore a sweet smile, sorrowful and roguish. Upon her hands placed on the table Pierre put his hands tenderly, and sat without motion.
”We are poor creatures,” he muttered.
Luce continued in a moment:
”We two, how tranquil we are!... The others have the fever. The war. The factories. People are in a hurry. They hustle. To work hard, to live, to enjoy themselves....”
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