Part 39 (1/2)
He smiled again, and shook his head once more. ”I do not think so,” he answered.
”You do not?”
”No, the contrast is too sharp and startling.”
”What do you mean by that?”
”I hardly like to discuss the matter at present,” he said, diffidently; ”I do not know sufficiently well where I am. Only I am conscious of this, that while Jesus wins my a.s.sent, the Church does the opposite.”
”That is because of your upbringing.”
”I do not think so. I have stood apart from all creeds and from all sects. At present I am a humble searcher after truth. I want some great principle to guide me. Some philosophy of life that shall appeal to the best that is in me.”
”Well?”
”I turn to the Church, and I find a great bishop addressing such questions as these to his clergy: 'What ecclesiastical dress do you wear when celebrating the Holy Communion? Do you ever use any ceremony such as the Lavabo, or swinging of the incense immediately before or after the service? Do you have cards on the holy table? If so what do they contain? Do you ever read the first of the three longer exhortations? Do you ever have celebrations without communicants?' with a dozen other questions--to me--equally trivial and unimportant.”
”To the bishop such questions would not be trivial at all, but vastly important.”
He smiled a little sadly. ”Isn't that the pity of it,” he said, ”that trifles are treated as though they were matters of life and death? I notice that a neighbouring vicar has even closed the church because women go into it with their heads uncovered.”
”I admit that that seems straining at a gnat.”
”But he does not think so. He is evidently righteously indignant, complains of the house of G.o.d being desecrated, because people go into it without some piece of millinery on their heads. One wonders whether it is a woman's hair or her head that is the offence.”
[Ill.u.s.tration: ”THEN SUDDENLY FROM OUT THE SHADOW GERVASE APPEARED AND STOOD BEFORE THEM.”]
”I think it is rather insulting to women, of course,” she answered, with a laugh. ”But he is only one, and n.o.body need mind very much.”
”But how do these things help me? Think of the men who are wrestling with the great problems of life, who are fighting temptation and bad habits, who are groping in the darkness, and crying for the light, and the Church meets them with petty discussions about Lavabos and stoles and chasubles and incense, and hats off or on in church?”
”But are they not parts of religion?”
”I do not know. If they are, it is not to be surprised at that religion gets water-logged.”
”But such things may be helpful to some people.”
”In which way?”
”Oh, I don't know! But some day you will see things differently, perhaps.”
”Perhaps so. I see some things differently already.”
”Then you are not an infidel?”
”You can call me by any name you like. I do not mind so long as you understand me, and I have your sympathy.”
”My sympathy, I fear, can be of no help to you.”
”It will help me more than you can understand.”