Part 128 (1/2)

THE BOOTS: _(Jogging, mocks them with thumb and wriggling wormfingers)_ Haw haw have you the horn?

_(Bronze by gold they whisper.)_

ZOE: _(To Florry)_ Whisper.

_(They whisper again)_

_(Over the well of the car Blazes Boylan leans, his boater straw set sideways, a red flower in his mouth. Lenehan in yachtsman's cap and white shoes officiously detaches a long hair from Blazes Boylan's coat shoulder.)_

LENEHAN: Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brus.h.i.+ng the cobwebs off a few quims?

BOYLAN: _(Seated, smiles)_ Plucking a turkey.

LENEHAN: A good night's work.

BOYLAN: _(Holding up four thick bluntungulated fingers, winks)_ Blazes Kate! Up to sample or your money back. _(He holds out a forefinger)_ Smell that.

LENEHAN: _(Smells gleefully)_ Ah! Lobster and mayonnaise. Ah!

ZOE AND FLORRY: _(Laugh together)_ Ha ha ha ha.

BOYLAN: _(Jumps surely from the car and calls loudly for all to hear)_ h.e.l.lo, Bloom! Mrs Bloom dressed yet?

BLOOM: _(In flunkey's prune plush coat and kneebreeches, buff stockings and powdered wig)_ I'm afraid not, sir. The last articles...

BOYLAN: _(Tosses him sixpence)_ Here, to buy yourself a gin and splash.

_(He hangs his hat smartly on a peg of Bloom's antlered head)_ Show me in. I have a little private business with your wife, you understand?

BLOOM: Thank you, sir. Yes, sir. Madam Tweedy is in her bath, sir.

MARION: He ought to feel himself highly honoured. _(She plops splas.h.i.+ng out of the water)_ Raoul darling, come and dry me. I'm in my pelt. Only my new hat and a carriage sponge.

BOYLAN: _(A merry twinkle in his eye)_ Topping!

BELLA: What? What is it?

_(Zoe whispers to her.)_

MARION: Let him look, the pishogue! Pimp! And scourge himself! I'll write to a powerful prost.i.tute or Bartholomona, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt.

BOYLAN: (clasps himself) Here, I can't hold this little lot much longer.

(he strides off on stiff cavalry legs)

BELLA: _(Laughing)_ Ho ho ho ho.

BOYLAN: _(To Bloom, over his shoulder)_ You can apply your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few times.

BLOOM: Thank you, sir. I will, sir. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? _(He holds out an ointment jar)_ Vaseline, sir? Orangeflower...? Lukewarm water...?

KITTY: _(From the sofa)_ Tell us, Florry. Tell us. What.