Part 110 (1/2)

THE GULLS: Kaw kave kankury kake.

BLOOM: The friend of man. Trained by kindness.

_(He points. Bob Doran, toppling from a high barstool, sways over the munching spaniel.)_

BOB DORAN: Towser. Give us the paw. Give the paw.

_(The bulldog growls, his scruff standing, a gobbet of pig's knuckle between his molars through which rabid sc.u.mspittle dribbles. Bob Doran fills silently into an area.)_

SECOND WATCH: Prevention of cruelty to animals.

BLOOM: _(Enthusiastically)_ A n.o.ble work! I scolded that tramdriver on Harold's cross bridge for illusing the poor horse with his harness scab.

Bad French I got for my pains. Of course it was frosty and the last tram. All tales of circus life are highly demoralising.

_(Signor Maffei, pa.s.sionpale, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his s.h.i.+rtfront, steps forward, holding a circus paperhoop, a curling carriagewhip and a revolver with which he covers the gorging boarhound.)_

SIGNOR MAFFEI: _(With a sinister smile)_ Ladies and gentlemen, my educated greyhound. It was I broke in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores. Lash under the belly with a knotted thong. Block tackle and a strangling pulley will bring your lion to heel, no matter how fractious, even _Leo ferox_ there, the Libyan maneater. A redhot crowbar and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the thinking hyena. _(He glares)_ I possess the Indian sign. The glint of my eye does it with these b.r.e.a.s.t.sparklers.

_(With a bewitching smile)_ I now introduce Mademoiselle Ruby, the pride of the ring.

FIRST WATCH: Come. Name and address.

BLOOM: I have forgotten for the moment. Ah, yes! _(He takes off his high grade hat, saluting)_ Dr Bloom, Leopold, dental surgeon. You have heard of von Blum Pasha. Umpteen millions. _Donnerwetter!_ Owns half Austria.

Egypt. Cousin.

FIRST WATCH: Proof.

_(A card falls from inside the leather headband of Bloom's hat.)_

BLOOM: _(In red fez, cadi's dress coat with broad green sash, wearing a false badge of the Legion of Honour, picks up the card hastily and offers it)_ Allow me. My club is the Junior Army and Navy. Solicitors: Messrs John Henry Menton, 27 Bachelor's Walk.

FIRST WATCH: _(Reads)_ Henry Flower. No fixed abode. Unlawfully watching and besetting.

SECOND WATCH: An alibi. You are cautioned.

BLOOM: _(Produces from his heartpocket a crumpled yellow flower)_ This is the flower in question. It was given me by a man I don't know his name. _(Plausibly)_ You know that old joke, rose of Castile. Bloom. The change of name. Virag. _(He murmurs privately and confidentially)_ We are engaged you see, sergeant. Lady in the case. Love entanglement. _(He shoulders the second watch gently)_ Dash it all. It's a way we gallants have in the navy. Uniform that does it. _(He turns gravely to the first watch)_ Still, of course, you do get your Waterloo sometimes. Drop in some evening and have a gla.s.s of old Burgundy. _(To the second watch gaily)_ I'll introduce you, inspector. She's game. Do it in the shake of a lamb's tail.

_(A dark mercurialised face appears, leading a veiled figure.)_

THE DARK MERCURY: The Castle is looking for him. He was drummed out of the army.

MARTHA: _(Thickveiled, a crimson halter round her neck, a copy of the_ Irish Times _in her hand, in tone of reproach, pointing)_ Henry!

Leopold! Lionel, thou lost one! Clear my name.

FIRST WATCH: _(Sternly)_ Come to the station.

BLOOM: _(Scared, hats himself, steps back, then, plucking at his heart and lifting his right forearm on the square, he gives the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft)_ No, no, wors.h.i.+pful master, light of love.

Mistaken ident.i.ty. The Lyons mail. Lesurques and Dubosc. You remember the Childs fratricide case. We medical men. By striking him dead with a hatchet. I am wrongfully accused. Better one guilty escape than ninetynine wrongfully condemned.

MARTHA: _(Sobbing behind her veil)_ Breach of promise. My real name is Peggy Griffin. He wrote to me that he was miserable. I'll tell my brother, the Bective rugger fullback, on you, heartless flirt.