Part 21 (2/2)
”What!” exclaimed Mr Easy, ”is it possible?-yes, it is my son John! I'm glad to see you, John,-very glad, indeed,” continued the old gentleman, shaking him by both hands-”very glad that you have come home; I wanted you-wanted your a.s.sistance in my great and glorious project, which, I thank Heaven, is now advancing rapidly. Very soon shall equality and the rights of man be proclaimed everywhere. The pressure from without is enormous, and the bulwarks of our ridiculous and tyrannical const.i.tution must give way. King, lords, and aristocrats; landholders, t.i.the-collectors, church and state, thank G.o.d, will soon be overthrown, and the golden age revived-the millennium-the true millennium-not what your poor mother talked about. I am at the head of twenty-nine societies, and if my health lasts, you will see what I will accomplish now that I have your a.s.sistance, Jack”; and Mr Easy's eyes sparkled and flashed in all the brilliancy of incipient insanity.
Jack sighed, and to turn the conversation he observed, ”You have made a great change in this room, sir. What may all this be for? Is it a machine to improve equality and the rights of man?”
”My dear son,” replied Mr Easy, sitting down and crossing his legs complacently, with his two hands under his right thigh, according to his usual custom, when much pleased with himself,-”why, my dear son, that is not exactly the case, and yet you have shown some degree of perception even in your guess; for if my invention succeeds (and I have no doubt of it), I shall have discovered the great art of rectifying the mistakes of nature, and giving an equality of organisation to the whole species, of introducing all the finer organs of humanity, and of destroying the baser. It is a splendid invention, Jack, very splendid. They may talk of Call and Spurzheim, and all those; but what have they done? nothing but divided the brain into sections, cla.s.sed the organs, and discovered where they reside; but what good result has been gained from that? the murderer by nature remained a murderer-the benevolent man a benevolent man-he could not alter his organisation. I have found out how to change all that.'
”Surely, sir, you would not interfere with the organ of benevolence.
”But indeed I must, Jack. I, myself, am suffering from my organ of benevolence being too large: I must reduce it, and then I shall be capable of greater things, shall not be so terrified by difficulties, shall overlook trifles, and only carry on great schemes for universal equality and the supreme rights of man. I have put myself into that machine every morning for two hours, for these last three months, and I feel now that I am daily losing a great portion.”
”Will you do me the favour to explain an invention so extraordinary, sir?” said our hero.
”Most willingly, my boy. You observe that in the centre there is a frame to confine the human head, somewhat larger than the head itself, and that the head rests upon the iron collar beneath. When the head is thus firmly fixed, suppose I want to reduce the size of any particular organ, I take the boss corresponding to where that organ is situated in the cranium, and fix it on it. For you will observe that all the bosses inside of the top of the frame correspond to the organs as described in this plaster cast on the table. I then screw down pretty tight, and increase the pressure daily, until the organ disappears altogether, or is reduced to the size required.”
”I comprehend that part perfectly, sir,” replied Jack; ”but now explain to me by what method you contrive to raise an organ which does not previously exist.”
”That,” replied Mr Easy, ”is the greatest perfection of the whole invention, for without I could do that, I could have done little. I feel convinced that this invention of mine will immortalise me. Observe all these little bell-gla.s.ses which communicate with the air-pump; I shave my patient's head, grease it a little, and fix on the bell-gla.s.s, which is exactly shaped to fit the organ in length and breadth. I work the air-pump, and raise the organ by an exhausted receiver. It cannot fail. There is my butler, now; a man who escaped hanging last spring a.s.sizes on an undoubted charge of murder. I selected him on purpose; I have flattened down murder to nothing, and I have raised benevolence till it's like a wen.”
”I am afraid my poor father's head is an exhausted receiver,” thought Jack, who then replied, ”Well, sir, if it succeeds it will be a good invention.”
”If it succeeds!-why, it has succeeded-it cannot fail. It has cost me near two thousand pounds. By-the-bye, Jack, you have drawn very liberally lately, and I had some trouble, with my own expenses, to meet your bills; not that I complain-but what with societies, and my machine, and tenants refusing to pay their rents, on the principle that the farms are no more mine than theirs, which I admit to be true, I have had some difficulty in meeting all demands.”
”The Governor was right,” thought Jack, who now inquired after Dr Middleton.
”Ah, poor silly man! he's alive yet-I believe doing well. He is one who will interfere with the business of others, complains of my servants-very silly man indeed-but I let him have his own way. So I did your poor mother. Silly woman, Mrs Easy-but never mind that.'
”If you please, sir, I have also a complaint to make of the servants for their insolence to me: but we will adjourn, if you please, as I wish to have some refreshment.”
'Certainly, Jack, if you are hungry; I will go with you. Complain of my servants, say you?-there must be some mistake-they are all shaved, and wear wigs, and I put them in the machine every other morning: but I mean to make an alteration in one respect. You observe, Jack, it requires more dignity: we must raise the whole machinery some feet, ascend it with state as a throne, for it is the throne of reason, the victory of mind over nature.”
”As you please, sir; but I am really hungry just now.” Jack and his father went into the drawing-room and rang the bell; not being answered, Jack rose and rang again.
”My dear sir,” observed Mr Easy, ”you must not be in a hurry; every man naturally provides for his own wants first, and afterwards for those of others. Now my servants-”
”Are a set of insolent scoundrels, sir, and insolence I never permit. I knocked one down as I entered your house, and, with your permission, I will discharge two, at least, to-morrow.'
”My dear son,” exclaimed Mr Easy, ”you knocked my servant down!-are you not aware, by the laws of equality-”
”I am aware of this, my dear father,” replied Jack, ”that by all the laws of society we have a right to expect civility and obedience from those we pay and feed.”
”Pay and feed! Why, my dear son,-my dear Jack,-you must recollect-”
”I recollect, sir, very well; but if your servants do not come to their recollection in a very short time, either I or they must quit the house.”
”But, my dear boy, have you forgotten the principles I instilled into you? Did you not go to sea to obtain that equality foiled by tyranny and despotism here on sh.o.r.e? Do you not acknowledge and support my philosophy?”
”We'll argue that point to-morrow, sir-at present I want to obtain my supper'; and Jack rang the bell furiously.
The butler made his appearance at this last summons, and he was followed by Mesty, who looked like a demon with anger.
”Mercy on me, whom have we here?”
”My servant, father,” exclaimed Jack, starting up; ”one that I can trust to, and who will obey me. Mesty, I wish some supper and wine to be brought immediately-see that scoundrel gets it ready in a moment. If he does not, throw him out of the door, and lock him out. You understand me.”
”Yes, Ma.s.sa,” grinned Mesty; ”now you hab supper very quick, or Mesty know the reason why. Follow me, sar,” cried Mesty, in an imperative tone to the butler: ”quick, sar, or by de holy poker, I show you what Mesty can do;” and Mesty grinned in his wrath.
”Bring supper and wine immediately,” said Mr Easy, giving an order such as the butler had never heard since he had been in the house.
The butler quitted the room, followed by the Ashantee. ”My dear boy-my Jack-I can make every allowance for hunger, it is often the cause of theft and crime in the present unnatural state of society-but really you are too violent. The principles”
”Your principles are all confounded nonsense, father,” cried Jack, in a rage.
”What, Jack!-my son-what do I hear? This from you-nonsense! Why, Jack, what has Captain Wilson been doing with you?'
”Bringing me to my senses, sir.” ”Oh dear! oh dear! my dear Jack, you will certainly make me lose mine.”
”Gome already,” thought Jack. ”That you, my child, so carefully brought up in the great and glorious school of philosophy, should behave this way-should be so violent-forget your sublime philosophy, and all-just like Esau, selling your birthright for a mess of pottage. Oh, Jack, you'll kill me! and yet I love you, Jack-whom else have I to love in this world? Never mind, we'll argue the point, my boy-I'll convince you-in a week all will be right again.”
”It shall, sir, if I can manage it,” replied Jack. ”That's right, I love to hear you say so-that's consoling, very consoling-but I think now, I was wrong to let you go to sea, Jack.”
”Indeed you were not, father.” ”Well, I'm glad to hear you say so: I thought they had ruined you, destroyed all your philosophy-but it will be all right again-you shall come to our societies, Jack-I am president-you shall hear me speak, Jack-you shall hear me thunder like Demosthenes-but here comes the tray.”
The butler, followed by Mesty, who attended him as if he was his prisoner, now made his appearance with the tray, laid it down in a sulky manner and retired. Jack desired Mesty to remain.
”Well, Mesty, how are they getting on in the servants' hall?” ”Regular mutiny, sar-ab swear dat they no stand our nonsense, and dat we both leave the house to-morrow.”
”Do you hear, sir? your servants declare that I shall leave your house to-morrow.”
”You leave my house, Jack, after four years' absence!-no, no. I'll reason with them-I'll make them a speech. You don't know how I can speak, Jack.”
”Look you, father, I cannot stand this; either give me a carte-blanche to arrange this household as I please, or I shall quit it myself to-morrow morning.”
”Quit my house, Jack! no, no-shake hands and make friends with them; be civil, and they will serve you-but you know, upon the principles-”
”Principles of the devil!” cried Jack, in a rage. ”Of the devil, Jack; dear me! I wish you had never gone to sea.” ”In one word, sir, do you consent, or am I to leave the house?”
”Leave the house! O no; not leave the house, Jack. I have no son but you. Then do as you please-but you must not send away my murderer, for I must have him cured, and shown as a proof of my wonderful invention.”
”Mesty, get my pistols ready for to-morrow morning, and your own too-do ye hear?”
”All ready, ma.s.sa,” replied Mesty; ”I tink dat right.” ”Right!-pistols, Jack! What do you mean?”
”It is possible, father, that you may not have yet quite cured your murderer, and therefore it is as well to be prepared. I will now wish you good-night; but, before I go, you will be pleased to summon one of the servants, that he may inform the others that the household is under my control for the future.”
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