Part 28 (1/2)

Poor, old, hombly critter, I gin her quite a lot of change one day, and she braced up and sung and drawed out faster than ever, and thinner. Though I'd have gladly hearn her stop.

When I come up out of my revery, I see Ardelia lookin' at her stiddy and kind a sot. And I mistrusted trouble wuz ahead on me, and I hurried Josiah down the street. Ardelia a sayin' she had got to turn the corner, to go to another place for her 3d cousin.

Jest as we wuz a crossin' a street my companion drawed my attention to a sign that wuz jest overhead, and sez lie, ”That means me, I'm spoke of right out, and hung up overhead.”

And sez I, ”What do you mean?”

Sez he, ”Read it -- 'The First Man-I-Cure Of The Day.' That's me, Samantha; I haint a doubt of it. And I s'pose I ort to go in and be cured. I s'pose probably it will be expected of me, that I should go in, and let him look at my corns.”

Sez I, ”Josiah Allen, I've heerd you talk time and agin aginst big feelin' folks, and here you be a talkin' it right to yourself, and callin' yourself the first man of the day.”

”Wall,” sez he firmly, ”I believe it, and I believe you do, and you'd own up to it, if you wuzn't so aggravatin'.”

”Wall, sez I mildly, ”I do think you are the first in some things, though what them things are, I would be fur from wantin' to tell you. But,” I continued on, ”I don't see you should think that means you. Saratoga is full of men, and most probable every man of 'em thinks it means him.”

”Wall,” sez he, ”I don't think it means me, I know it. And I s'pose,” he continued dreamily, ”they'd cure me, and not charge a cent.”

”Wall,” sez I, ”wait till another time, Josiah Allen.” And jest at this minute, right down under our feet, we see the word ”Pray,”

in big letters sc.r.a.ped right out in stun. And Josiah sez, ”I wonder if the dumb fools think anybody is goin to kneel down right here in the street, and be run over. Why a man would be knocked over a dozen times, before he got through one prayer, Now I lay me down to sleep, or anything.”

”Wall,” sez I, mildly, ”I don't think that would be a very suitable prayer under the circ.u.mstances. It haint expected that you'd lay down here for a nap -- howsumever,” sez I reesunably ”their puttin' the word there shows what good streaks the folks here have, and I don't want you to make light on't, and if you don't want to act like a perfect backslider you'll ceese usin'

such profane language on sech a solemn subject.”

Wall, we went into a good lookin'store and I wuz jest a lookin' at some lawn and a wonderin' how many yards I should want, when who should come in but Miss Flamm to get a rooch for her neck.

And she told me that I didn't need any lawn, and that it wuz a Garden party, and folks dressed in anything they wuz a mind to, though sez she, ”A good many go in full dress.”

”Wall,” sez I calmly, ”I have got one.” And she told me to come in good season.

That afternoon, Josiah a bein' out for a walk, I took out of my trunk a dress that Alminy Hagidon had made for me out of a very full pattern I had got of a peddler, and wanted it all put in, so's it would fade all alike, for I mistrusted it wouldn't wash.

It wuz gethered-in full round the waist, and the sleeves wuz set in full, and the waist wuz kinder full before, and it had a deep high ruffle gathered-in full round the neck. It wuz a very full dress, though I haint proud, and never wuz called so. Yet anybody duz take a modest pleasure in bein' equal to any occasion and comin' up n.o.bly to a emergency. And I own that I did say to myself, as I pulled out the gethers in front, ”Wall, there may be full dresses there to-night, but there will be none fuller than mine.”

And I wuz glad that Alminy had made it jest as she had. She had made it a little fuller than even I had laid out to have it, for she mistrusted it would shrink in was.h.i.+n'. It wuz a very full dress. It wuz cambrick dark chocolate, with a set flower of a kind of a cinnamon brown and yellow, it wuz bran new and looked well.

Wall, I had got it on, and wuz contemplatin' its fullness with complacency and a hand-gla.s.s, a seein' how n.o.bly it stood out behind, and how full it wuz, when Josiah Allen came in. I had talked it over with him, before he went out -- and he wuz as tickled as I wuz, and tickleder, to think I had got jest the right dress for the occasion. But he sez to me the first thing -- ”You are all wrong, Samantha, full dress means low neck and short sleeves.”

Sez I, ”I know better!”

Sez he, ”It duz.”

Sez I, ”Somebody has been a foolin' you, Josiah Allen! There ain't no sense in it. Do you s'pose folks would call a dress full, when there wuzn't more'n half a waist and sleeves to it.

I'd try to use a little judgment, Josiah Allen! ”

But he contended that he wuz in the right on't. And he took up his best vest that lay on the bed, and sot down, and took out his jack knife and went a rippin' open one of the shoulders, and sez I, ”What are you doin', Josiah Allen?”

”Why, you can do as you are a mind to, Samantha Allen,” sez he.

”But I shall go fas.h.i.+onable, I shall go in full dress.”

Sez I, ”Josiah Allen do you look me in the face and say you are a goin' in a low neck vest, and everything, to that party to-night?”

”Yes, mom, I be. I am bound to be fas.h.i.+onable.” And he went to rollin' up his s.h.i.+rt sleeves and turnin' in the neck of his s.h.i.+rt, in a manner that wuz perfectly immodest.