Volume Iii Part 17 (2/2)
And there, through the unnatural fondness of my doating mother, will she return home, and be courted for her princely fortune, not for her beauty I am sure! But then, they will hear that the bravest and most chivalrous knight in England _died for her_; and as certainly as I speak to you, will she achieve a higher marriage than Margaret, and how shall she ever show her face again?”
”A higher marriage than you, dearest lady? Then must she be married to some of the kings on the continent, for in all the dominion of England there is not a subject of such power as your lord, the Earl of Douglas and Mar, nor one whose military honours flourish so proudly.”
”My lord and husband is all that I could wish in man, only----”
”Only that he is _not dead_. That's all.”
”You had better! _Only_ I say that he is not _a prince of the blood royal_, Mary. Think of that. There are many such in England. And there to a certainty will my great and only rival be wedded to one of these.
The Duke of York or Glocester, mayhap; or to Prince Henry, the heir of the house of Mortimer, and then she'll be _a queen_! Yes, Kirkmichael!
then she will be _queen of England_!--And I--what will I be? No more than plain _Lady Douglas_! The wife of the _Black Douglas_!--Och! what shall I do, Mary? I'll go and wipe my shoes on her as long as I have it in my power.”
”Tarry for a small s.p.a.ce; there is time enough for that afterward, my dearest lady. Be staid for a little while, till I tell you a secret. A very important and profound one it is, and it behoves you to know it.
There is a certain distemper that young newly married ladies are subjected to, which, is ent.i.tled PHRENZY, or some such delightful name. Some call it _derangement of intellect_, but that is too long a name, I hate long names, or very long things of any sort. So you must know, madam, that this delightful trouble, for it is delightful in its way, produces a great deal of animation. It is quite proper you should know this grand matrimonial secret, madam. This delicious, spirit-stirring trouble then soon goes off, and when it goes all the giddy vapours of youth fly with it. The mirror of the eye is changed, its convex being thence turned inward, reflecting all nature on the soul in a different light from that in which it had ever appeared before; and, at the same time the whole structure and frame of the character is metamorphosed, and the being that is thus trans.m.u.ted becomes a more rational and respectable creature than it was previously, and at the same time a more happy one, although it must be acknowledged its happiness is framed on a different model. This is my secret, and it is quite proper that every _young_ lady who is married should be initiated into it. As for the old ones, they are too wise to be initiated into any thing; or for any thing to be initiated into them.”
”Now, you imagine you have said a very wise thing; and it is not without shrewdness. But I can add a princ.i.p.al part which you have wholly left out, and it is this: When the patient is labouring under this disease, it is absolutely necessary that she be indulged, and humoured in every one of her caprices, else her convalesence is highly equivocal. Don't you acknowledge this?”
”I grant it. And the first case that comes under my care I promise to abide by this prescription.”
”That is spoken like yourself,--like the trusty friend and confidante. What then is to be done? for something must be done, and that suddenly.”
”That is easily decided. She must be kept in confinement. Kept here a prisoner at large, until she turn an old maid and lose a few of her fore-teeth. That will be delightful! Eh! Then make her believe all the time that it is a duty inc.u.mbent on her to remain in that widowed state for the sake of Musgrave--Hoh! beg pardon, madam!”
”I charge you never to let that triumph of hers sound in my ears again. It creates the same feeling within me as if you informed me that an adder was laced in my stays. Kirkmichael, you never took any thing in hand that you did not accomplish for me. This lady must be retained for the present, till we can determine on some other course.
I gave my lord a lesson about it already, but his reply was not only unsatisfactory but mortifying in the extreme. It has almost put me beside myself, and my pride will not suffer me to apply to him again.
”My dearest love,” said he, ”I pray that you will not shew a a sense of any inferiority by a jealousy of that unfortunate lady.”
Inferiority! I never had such a sentiment as a feeling of inferiority!
What absurd notions these men imbibe. Is it possible, Mary, that I can have a sense of inferiority?”
”No, no! quite impossible! Think no more of such antiquated and absurd apothegms as these. I will manage it for you. I take in hand to keep her as long as I live, if that will satisfy you. But are you sure that your brother will not fall in love with her, and marry her, and then she will be queen of Scotland?”
”Ooh!--Oooh! Give me a drink, Mary. I am going into fits! Ooh!--Yes: as sure as you stand there, he will. The prince is his mother all over, newfangled and volatile in the extreme, and amorous to an intolerable degree. Disgustingly amorous, she is the very sort of food for his pa.s.sion. Then her princely fortune, and the peace of the two realms! Oh! give me another drink, Mary; and bathe my hands--and my brow--That is kindly done. Queen of Scotland! Then I must pay court to her,--perhaps be preferred as lady of the bed-chamber. No, no. To the Scottish court she _must not go_!”
”Be calm, my sweet lady! I have it. You shall a.s.sume your brother's character once more--pay court to her--seduce her, and have her disgraced.”
”What did you say, Kirkmichael? repeat that again. What did you say about disgracing? I am so very ill.”
”O no! That scheme will not do. It will end ill! it will end ill! You are lady Douglas now, not the maiden princess. Why, I will get her married to one of your footmen for you. That will do.”
”Prithee speak of things possible, and within some bounds of probability. If she were but married to a knight but one step below my lord in dignity, I would be satisfied. Nay, were that step only ideal it would give my heart content.”
”Is that then so much to make such a pother about? I will accomplish it in two days. So difficult to get a maid of her complexion to marry?
Difficulty in fattening--a pig! baiting a hook for a bagrel!--a stickleback!--a perch! I'll do it in two days--in one day--in half a day, else never call me Mary Kirkmichael of Balmedie again. Difficulty in marrying a maid with light blue eyes--golden locks and rosy cheeks--with a languis.h.i.+ng smile always on her countenance? and that maid an English one too? Peugh! Goodbye, my lady, Lady Black Douglas.
I'm off. (Opening the door again.) It is a shame and a disgrace for any gentleman not to _die_ for his mistress! I say it is! Young Spinola would have died for me cheerfully if I would have suffered him,--that he would! Goodbye, madam.”
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