Part 34 (2/2)

Canada and the thirteen colonies, both originally ruled by Britain, parted ways during the American Revolution. Even before the beginning of hostilities, American rebels tried to spread revolutionary fervor north to Canada, but got a rather frosty reception, for a couple reasons. For one thing, the 13 colonies attracted a lot of Puritans and poor Scots-Irish, who both had their reasons for loathing the Brits. More importantly, however, Canada included a sizeable French contingent: in 1763 Britain's defeat of France in the Seven Years' War (or ”French-and-Indian War”) gave it possession of Quebec, previously the largest French colony in the New World.

The English and French coexisted uneasily, and the tension between them forced the English to rely on the British crown for security and authority. Meanwhile, the French Canadiens Canadiens harbored no illusions about their fate if they joined the American Revolution: they would simply be absorbed into a new English-speaking country. Better to stay with the Anglophone devil they knew. harbored no illusions about their fate if they joined the American Revolution: they would simply be absorbed into a new English-speaking country. Better to stay with the Anglophone devil they knew.

LEAVE IT FOR BEAVERS.

The French settlement of Canada began with Acadia, founded in 1604 near the modern border between Maine and New Brunswick. Like the English settlements at Roanoke and Jamestown (during its early days), Acadia was a miserable failure. A mere four years after its founding, the French colonists gave up, letting the explorer Samuel de Champlain lead them north to Quebec, which was more of a success, thanks to the thriving beaver pelt trade.

When it became clear the Canadians weren't going to join the Revolution, American rebels decided to ”liberate” them anyway...whether they liked it or not. But the a.s.sault on Quebec City in the winter of 17751776 ended in complete disaster for the Americans, who had neglected to bring a single cannon to besiege the walled city. Much the same fate awaited the next American invasion of Quebec during the War of 1812, when four highly disorganized American ”armies,” with no real strategy or even common goals, proved no match for the British Redcoats and Canadian militias. The ill-conceived war ended with Canada still British and Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., a smoking ruin (down south, New Orleans somehow ended up in American hands, even though the United States basically lost).

There would be a few more skirmishes that for some reason centered on pigs, including the absurd, undeclared Aroostook War of 1839 (casualty: one pig) and the also undeclared ”Pig War” of 1859 (triggered by the shooting of a pig near Vancouver), but the Americans eventually realized that Canada was, actually, not an easy country to conquer, being so huge and all; and anyway it wasn't worth antagonizing Great Britain over.

The American Revolution made a big impression in Britain, of course. To keep Canada in the imperial fold, the British made a number of extraordinary concessions in the 19th century, which became models for self-rule in other parts of the Empire. Many of these concessions were linked to popular movements in Britain that undermined the old Liberal system (where only property-owners could vote) and extended the vote to the working cla.s.s. In light of this, it's no surprise that Canada paralleled Britain's development into a parliamentary democracy with a p.r.o.nounced socialist sensibility.

Canadians also seem to have retained some of the best parts of British culture: its absurd humor and dry wit, which Americans love-but can't necessarily ”do.” Happily, they're more than ready to come south and make millions of dollars amusing Americans. The list of famous Canadian comedians who made it big in the United States includes Dan Aykroyd, John Candy (RIP), Jim Carrey, Tommy Chong, Michael J. Fox, Tom Green, Phil Hartman (RIP), the comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall, Eugene Levy, Norm MacDonald, Howie Mandel, Rick Moranis, Mike Myers, Leslie Nielsen, and Martin Short. While not particularly funny himself, Lorne Michaels, producer of Sat.u.r.day Night Live Sat.u.r.day Night Live and The Kids in the Hall, is also a Canuck. and The Kids in the Hall, is also a Canuck.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS.

An award-winning political journalist and history writer for more than three decades, Steve Wiegand Steve Wiegand has worked as a reporter and columnist for the has worked as a reporter and columnist for the San Diego Evening Tribune, San Diego Evening Tribune, the the San Francisco Chronicle San Francisco Chronicle, and the Sacramento Bee Sacramento Bee, where he currently covers state government and politics.

During his career, he has interviewed four presidents and six California governors-and has the dubious distinction of once being air-sick and throwing up on the shoes of the state attorney general's wife.

It may have been his greatest personal contribution to world history.

Wiegand is a graduate of Santa Clara University, where he majored in American literature and U.S. history. He also holds a Master of Science degree in Ma.s.s Communications from California State University, San Jose.

In addition to The mental_floss History of the World The mental_floss History of the World, Wiegand is the author of U.S. History for Dummies, Sacramento Tapestry, U.S. History for Dummies, Sacramento Tapestry, and and Papers of Permanence Papers of Permanence, a contributing author to mental_floss presents: Forbidden Knowledge mental_floss presents: Forbidden Knowledge, and a frequent contributor to mental_floss mental_floss magazine. magazine.

He lives in Northern California.

Erik Sa.s.s is a journalist who covers the media business from his main base of operations in Los Angeles, with branch offices around the country. When not writing for is a journalist who covers the media business from his main base of operations in Los Angeles, with branch offices around the country. When not writing for mental_floss, mental_floss, he reports on magazines, newspapers, radio, and billboard advertising for MediaPost.com. he reports on magazines, newspapers, radio, and billboard advertising for MediaPost.com.

A shy, withdrawn child (”loser”), Erik spent many of his formative years reading about history. Ironically, the knowledge he acquired transformed him from mopey misfit to man-about-town; now much sought after for his historical anecdotes, he is considered an indispensable conversational ornament to any party attended by persons of substance.

A giver, Erik also works with mental_floss mental_floss to share these benefits with others. In addition to the present volume, he was a contributing author for to share these benefits with others. In addition to the present volume, he was a contributing author for mental_floss presents: Forbidden Knowledge mental_floss presents: Forbidden Knowledge, and also writes about history for mental_floss mental_floss magazine. magazine.

Erik has not vomited on the shoes of government officials or their spouses; however, he has vomited on his own shoes more than once.

Will Pearson and and Mangesh Hattikudur Mangesh Hattikudur met as first-year students at Duke University. Ignoring the lures of law school and investment banking, the pair cofounded met as first-year students at Duke University. Ignoring the lures of law school and investment banking, the pair cofounded mental_floss mental_floss in 2001 and have been grinning ever since. in 2001 and have been grinning ever since.

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