Part 1 (1/2)

The Mental Floss History of the World Erik Sa.s.s.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

To paraphrase Yogi Berra, Steve and Erik would like to thank mental_floss editors Will Pearson and Mangesh Hattikudur for making this book necessary, along with HarperCollins editor Stephanie Meyers for making it (we hope) readable.

Steve would also like to thank his sister, Deborah Daly, for her encouragement and interest in what's been going on in the world for the last 20,000 years. And, of course, his wife, Ceil, and daughter, Erin. Just for putting up with him.

Erik would like to thank his parents, Karen and Steve, for reproducing and imparting their love of learning, and his older brother, Adam, for listening to his constant prattle with the appearance of interest. For demonstrating that reading and writing about history can actually be interesting, he owes a debt of grat.i.tude to Mary-Therese Pasquale-Bowen, Colonel Dan ”D.A.” Allen, USAF (Ret.), and Duke history professors Malachi Hacohen, Kent Rigsby, Peter English, and Kristin Neuschel. Special thanks as well to Justin and Juliet Schwab for their Cla.s.sical expertise.

Will and Mangesh would like to thank Cathy Hemming for her wise counsel, Steve Ross for his confidence in mental_floss, and the entire Collins crew for their enthusiastic support. But most of all, we'd like to thank Stephanie Meyers for being the greatest editor in the history of editors. And we've clearly been studying our history.

INTRODUCTION.

BY ERIK Sa.s.s.

We know that 99% of ”history,” as they they teach it, is mind-numbingly boring. And we're sorry about that; we can't change what happened in your youth. teach it, is mind-numbingly boring. And we're sorry about that; we can't change what happened in your youth.

But this book is about to make history, by making history interesting. Why? Because history is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride with all the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. You want action? We got action. s.e.x and violence? Plenty of both. Psychopathic ma.s.s murderers? Psychopathic ma.s.s murderers run run history! And the best part is, it's all real. history! And the best part is, it's all real.

In the following pages, you'll read about babies on opium, chicken-flavored beer, cosmetic t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e beads, undercover czars, and gin as a way of life. We've also got multibillion dollar heists, secrets from Central American jungles, a d.u.c.h.ess who rode through town naked to get her husband to lower taxes, and Roman orgies so scandalous that even the Romans were scandalized.

Of course, if it's the serious stuff you crave, we've got that, too. From the religion that gave birth to Christianity (we're not talking Judaism), to why the Black Death may not have been such such a bad thing, to the lurid details of how a country of 300 million people wasn't just conquered, but conned into thinking it was their idea, there's no shortage of substance. a bad thing, to the lurid details of how a country of 300 million people wasn't just conquered, but conned into thinking it was their idea, there's no shortage of substance.

A natural question about any single-volume history of the world should be: ”Is everything here?” The straight answer is: no. Not that we didn't try. Sadly, HarperCollins rejected our original 500 million-page ma.n.u.script as ”overenthusiastic” and ”hard on the back.” (Whether it would have been marketable as the first book visible from s.p.a.ce is still up for debate.) And while this version does omit a few details, we think we did alright. There's a wealth of fun facts here, and maybe three-quarters of the ”important” stuff. Luckily, there's a surprising degree of overlap.

On that note, some people claim history is a serious business, and we could lay some solemn jive on you, like ”those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it.”* Unfortunately, that's not necessarily true. As you'll see in the following pages, history is full of people who knew plenty about history, but kept on repeating the same stupid mistakes again and again anyway. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily true. As you'll see in the following pages, history is full of people who knew plenty about history, but kept on repeating the same stupid mistakes again and again anyway.

But that doesn't mean the past isn't worthwhile in its own right. History is funny, thrilling, heartbreaking, transcendent. There's laughing and gasping, crying, and so much more. And history gives us hope. Because maybe those solemn historians were right: with a little luck, maybe we will will learn something that helps us dodge the next bullet. learn something that helps us dodge the next bullet.

So we encourage you to read, enjoy, and try to pay attention. Because there is going to be a quiz when you're finished. It's called the future.

AFRICA AND AFTER.

(60,000 BCE1500 BCE)

IN A NUTSh.e.l.l.

If there's one thing you can say about human beings, it's that we're always always hungry. When modern humans ( hungry. When modern humans (h.o.m.o sapiens sapiens) left Africa to conquer the globe more than sixty thousand years ago, they settled near sources of food, and those areas that produced more food became more populated. Some groups found forests with game to hunt, while others wandered gra.s.slands, tending herds of cows. In Stone Age Mexico, coastal peoples subsisted on sh.e.l.lfish for thousands of years, leaving a huge heap of clam sh.e.l.ls 240 feet long, 90 feet wide, and 21 feet tall.

Another thing about us: we don't like to share. Tribes constantly battled for territory, and some were pushed into less friendly environments-but nomads made the best use of limited resources. Arabs conquered the vast Arabian Peninsula by taming the camel, a hardy desert animal that carried them between lush oases. Central Asians took to horse- and sheepherding, ranging across thousands of miles in search of rare good pastures. Inuit learned to build homes out of ice.

But in terms of calories per acre, grain cultivation feeds many more people than fis.h.i.+ng, hunting, or raising domestic animals. Grain cultivation began around 9000 BCE and soon spread around the world, and places that grew grain experienced a population explosion (oh yeah, apparently we also like to have s.e.x...a lot). Soon, there was so much food that some people could stop working in the fields and specialize in crafts. Expert potters, weavers, and masons were soon followed by tailors, leather tanners, miners, and other trades. Yes, that includes ”the world's oldest profession.”

Around 8000 BCE, the world's first civilizations-defined as people living in cities-began appearing. The craftspeople lived together in encampments for safety against rival groups and for convenience of trade. Cities also became centers of government-in most cases, likely a hereditary monarchy descended from old tribal authority. Little is known about the world's first governments, but they were probably dominated by a single family or clan pa.s.sing authority from generation to generation, with a dominant man becoming ruler each time. In prehistory, governments along matriarchal (woman-centered) or communal (leaderless) lines may have existed, but by the beginning of recorded history, these had been snuffed out. Each of the world's first civilizations was ruled by one man, a king. Men have hogged the remote ever since.

The king's job was simple: to protect his followers. In general, the people believed that the king's authority came from the immortal G.o.ds, so kings were closely a.s.sociated with religion from the get-go. In some places the king was also the high priest, in charge of sacrificial offerings and ceremonies intended to bring good harvests. In other places, the king worked closely with the high priest or employed soothsayers to help divine the future.

While rival kings could cause trouble, the biggest enemy facing early civilizations was nature itself, which operated at the will of invisible G.o.ds. Droughts, floods, and other natural disasters could destroy crops, bringing starvation and misery. Translation: If everyone had enough to eat, the G.o.ds were happy with the leader; if there wasn't enough to eat, well...It's no surprise that across the ”civilized” world, each ruler's first act was to store grain against hard times.

To make this food-insurance system work, kings ordered their subjects to turn over some grain during good times, which could be distributed again in an emergency. Grain was stored in huge stone or mud-brick silos, called granaries. Priests were in charge of keeping track of which grain had come from which landowner.

To help remember the grainy details, priests invented writing. Recording quant.i.ties, names, and dates on clay tablets in turn led to accounting and banking. Soon regular people began quantifying goods such as livestock, tools, and luxury items. As writing spread to society at large, merchants, bankers, and scribes joined the other craftsmen who lived in cities. Writing led to the first commercial contracts (e.g., ”for these four pigs, you bring me two cows in three days”-we're not saying it was glamorous).

However, not every culture chose to settle down and farm. The differences between cities and nomadic groups created a lot of friction. For one thing the cities' acc.u.mulation of wealth, in the form of surplus grain and other goods, naturally attracted attention from people living a more marginal existence outside the cities. Nomads often enjoyed a tactical advantage over city folk, and men from the wilds, skilled in horse-mounted warfare, have long terrified the simple farmer on the outskirts of town. The nomadic threat still exists today-but by 1500 BCE, the power of settled societies based on farming was already uncontestable. The history of civilization is their story.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN.

2,500,000 BCE BCE.

h.o.m.o habilis, earliest protohuman ancestor, uses stone tools in Africa.

2,000,000 BCE BCE.

Various protohuman ancestors spread out across the planet.

1,500,000 BCE BCE.

Hominids master fire.

300,000 BCE BCE.

Neanderthals live in Europe.

150,000 BCE BCE.

The Sahara is a lush gra.s.sland.

130,000 BCE BCE.

Modern humans, h.o.m.o sapiens sapiens h.o.m.o sapiens sapiens, appear in Africa.

60,000 BCE BCE.

h.o.m.o sapiens sapiens spread out over the planet. spread out over the planet.