Chapter 21 Part2 (2/2)
In the past few months, Meng Jue used all his information networks and contacts from the desert region to Xi Yu but could find no trace of Yun Ge. It was almost like she evaporate into thin air without leaving a single trace. He couldn’t even find out who the two sides were that was fighting that night.
From his initial shock to his worry, he started to wonder if Yun Ge actually escaped that night. Did something unexpected happen to her? Was she dead or alive? His fear and worry caused him to be sleepless every night.
After they searched the area and couldn’t find her, the two of them stood outside the ceramic store and looked dejected. Liu Bing Yi sighed “Perhaps it was a mistake.” Meng Jue was silent for a moment before his palm shot out and shattered the ceramic store display “Not, it must be her.”
Yun Ge, who was hiding in the urn, subconsciously shuddered. Liu Fu Ling quickly reached out and embraced her with both of his arms, as if he wanted to s.h.i.+eld Yun Ge from anything that could hurt her.
The store owner came running out all angry but he shut up when Meng Jue glared darkly at him and tossed him a gold leaf “None of your business, go back to sleep.” The owner grabbed the gold leaf and ran into the store and hid under the counter.
Meng Jue said to Liu Bing Yi “She disappeared around here, so order all the stores nearby searched.” Meng Jue then personally walked into the ceramics store. No matter how big or small the urn, he shattered each one he encountered with a resounding bang.
Yun Ge didn’t understand what Meng Jue was thinking. He was the one who used her. He was the one always at the Huo Estate. He was the only seeking more power and connections. He was the one embracing Huo Cheng Jun tenderly. Since he wanted Huo Cheng Jun, why does he want to find her? He can’t be thinking that she would agree to share a husband with Huo Cheng Jun?
Liu Fu Ling saw Yun Ge’s ashen face and knew that Meng Jue was still very important in Yun Ge’s heart. Because he was important, that was why he affected her, and why she was afraid to see him. She was afraid she would still have feelings for him.
The sound of breaking urns got closer and closer to them. Liu Fu Ling whispered in Yun Ge’s ear “If you don’t want to see him, I can send him away.” Yun Ge shook her head.
On the outside Meng Jue looked like a gentleman, but in truth he was brazen and fearless. And right now, he wasn’t even pretending to wear his gentlemanly facade. It was clear that he was going to tear this neighborhood apart until he found her. Ling gege was just an ordinary man and didn’t know any martial arts. How could he block Meng Jue and send him away?
Yun Ge suddenly grabbed Liu Fu Ling’s hand “Can you tell a fib with me? Be my husband. I’ll tell him we’re engaged, tell him to stop coming to bother me…..” Liu Fu Ling’s eyes were filled with heartbreak as he interjected “Yun Ge, we already are engaged to each other.”
Yun Ge was stunned to remember. Yes, they had exchanged their tokens and are an engaged couple………… Yun Ge’s hand weakened and slowly slid down from his hand, but Liu Fu Ling tightly gripped her hand again.
The footsteps got closer and Yun Ge’s heart was a jumbled mess. Fear, pain, anger, frustration, shame, sadness, aching, everything gathering in her heart and tore at her and pulled at her. She felt like her heart was being rendered into pieces. But at this moment, only the hand tightly holding onto her could protect her.
She tightly clasped Liu Fu Ling’s hand back and smiled at him. Her eyes were no longer filled with nervous worry and fear.
Yun Ge heard Meng Jue break the urn right next to theirs and knew he was about to see them. She took a deep breath and conjured up all her courage to face him. Meng Jue raised his palm and was about to strike the urn when he heard a voice call out “Isn’t that Mr. Meng?”
Meng Jue stopped and turned around, waving back with a smile “Yu……..” Yu An quickly gestured “We’re out and about, no need for formalities. Since I’m older than you, if you don’t object, you can call me Brother Yu!”
Meng Jue smiled “I shall be honored to. Why is Brother Yu here?” Yu An laughed “Out running some errands and when walking past here and saw you breaking urns, I got curious and came in to check. If you need any help, let me know.”
Meng Jue smiled and turned to walk out “Nothing important. The store owner upset me and I flew into a momentary rage. Since Brother Yu is out, if you have time, can I take you out for a drink?” Meng Jue and Yu An chatted happily as they walked out of the store.
The moment they stepped out, a few eunuchs ran in to escort Liu Fu Ling and Yun Ge out, where a carriage was waiting to whisk them back to Lu Mountain.
Yun Ge’s mind was a confused mess. Meng Jue and Yu An knew each other. And Meng Jue was very deferential to Yu An and slightly fearful. In fact, he was as deferential to Yu An as he was to Huo Guang. Yet Yu An was simply Ling gege’s personal servant.
Yun Ge silently sat in the carriage, and Liu Fu Ling also sat there in silence. The only sound was the carriage as it rumbled over the mountain roads.
When they returned to the residence, Liu Fu Ling ordered everyone out “Yun Ge, is there something you want to ask me?”
Yun Ge grabbed her hair pin and poked at the lamp fire “In the past, I thought that if I treated someone well, they would treat me well back. If I treated someone with honesty, they would treat me with honesty back. But I’ve now learned that isn’t the case. People in this world are complicated – they lie, cheat, betray, hurt others. I won’t ever lie to someone, but now I now longer people believe so easily. But…….” Yun Ge turned and stared at Liu Fu Ling “………..Ling gege, I believe you. So if even you are lying to me, then who can I believe? I just want to know the truth, please tell me.”
Liu Fu Ling silently stared at Yun Ge. Yun Ge saw in his eyes the familiar look of dark despair he always had, containing a sense of helplessness. Yun Ge’s heart ached. All she wanted was to make him happy, since she was a child and even now, that is all she wanted. “Ling gege, if you don’t want to tell me, then forget it. Maybe later……….”
Liu Fu Ling shook his head “My name has three characters, not two. Between Liu and Ling there is another character of Fu.”
Yun Ge dropped the hair pin she was playing with the lamp fire with and it doused the flame, sending the room into darkness. Yun Ge murmured to herself “Liu Fu Ling, Liu Fu Ling……….Ling gege, your name…..you have the same name as the Emperor of the Han dynasty!”
Liu Fu Ling moved over to sit next to Yun Ge and he grabbed her hand “Yun Ge, no matter who I am, I am still me, I am always your Ling gege.”
Yun Ge felt like her world was spinning. How could Ling gege be the Emperor? How could this be? “Ling gege, you’re not the Emperor, right?”
She stared at him wide-eyed, hoping and praying his answer would be that he wasn’t. Liu Fu Ling couldn’t bear to return her pleading look and he pulled Yun Ge into his embrace. He paid no heed to her struggles and held her tightly “Yun Ge, I am me. In the past, in the present, in the future, I am forever your Ling gege.”
Yun Ge hit Liu Fu Ling’s chest repeatedly, trying to push him away. But Liu Fu Ling continued to hold her tightly, letting her strike him as she wanted, but refusing to let her go. After Yun Ge hit him a few times, she finally started crying “I don’t like the Emperor. I don’t like it! Can you not be the Emperor, okay? Can’t we just live like this? Build a home in the mountains, we can live peacefully and quietly. You love reading exploration books and there aren’t many written. We can travel and gather experiences and you can write it all down. I can write my recipe book as well………….”
Liu Fu Ling pulled Yun Ge’s face into his shoulder while his eyes showed a gutwrenching type of despair. He could only repeat over and over again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry……….”
Because of his ident.i.ty, his life was already filled with so much hopelessness, things he could not change. So he did his best to not let his ident.i.ty create more hopelessness for anyone else around him.
When he ate Zhu Gong Zhi’s food, he didn’t want to own the chef because as the Emperor he could. He didn’t want the chef to feel hopeless and constrained because of his own whim. But right now, he was letting Yun Ge feel this same sense of hopelessness. This was the one thing he never wanted to happen, and yet, it has become something he cannot change.
………………………………………
It's already the dead of night, silence all around. Yun Ge suddenly sat up on the pallet and deftly put on her clothes. She looked around the room to make sure nothing belonged to her. As she was moving to leave, she suddenly turned around and took the notebook from the table, the one that Liu Fu Ling would fill out for her.
Yun Ge left the room by flipping through the window. She ran a short distance, running and running, but then she stopped and looked back towards his residence. It was dark there, the lights having been turned off. He's likely deep in his sleep.
All these years in her mind, the Ling gege she was looking for so long, he turned out to be exactly like she remembered and imagined he would be. She doesn't need to say anything, and he already knows everything she's thinking. But then why is he the Emperor? If he's the Emperor, does that make him not her Ling gege anymore?
Yun Ge didn't want to answer her own question. Call her cowardly, call her selfish, but right now she just wanted to escape from it all. Since she was injured, it felt like her mind was never fully clear. Before one shock was absorbed, another shock arrived. Right now she just wanted to be far away from the people and the things that were happening.
She finally made up her mind and turned to leave. She didn't know when, but Liu Fu Ling was silently standing behind her. In the dark night, his eyes are also dark, unable to show what he's thinking. Yun Ge stared numbly at Liu Fu Ling, and after some time, she abruptly lowered her head and tried to walk past him.
”Yun Ge” Liu Fu Ling was holding something which he handed to her. In that moment, Yun Ge's heart thumped and she couldn't take another step. A tiny leek green embroidered shoe rested in Liu Fu Ling's palm, on top of the shoe was a pearl the size of a thumb. It was glittering a soft light under the stars.
Yun Ge slowly reached out and took it, the warmth still remaining, likely he kept it against his body always.
”Okay, I'll wait for you in Chang An.”
”Pinky swear, promise, one hundred years, it won't change.”
”Do you know what it means when a girl gives an embroidered shoe to a man?”
”I accept it. Yun Ge, you also must remember!”
”With the stars as witness, no regrets or change.”
That night was also like tonight, the sky full of stars. Under the same star-filled sky, the same person standing there. Such stars, such a night, wasn't this what she had imagined countless times. But why, why was it so bittersweet.
Liu Fu Ling's eyes landed on the embroidered shoe in Yun Ge's hand ”Yun Ge, I just want one year's time. I've waited for nine years, please at least give me time to hear your stories. In these nine years you must've been to even more places. I just want to know and understand the things you've done. And give me a chance, to tell you what I've been doing here for the past nine years. Don't you care?”
”I……”
Yun Ge couldn't finish. How could she not care? Countless night she laid on the roof looking at the stars, thinking of what Ling gege was doing. She even purposely kept track of what she was doing on specific hours of specific days of specific years, so when she reunited with Ling gege, she would ask him what he was doing at the exact same time. And whether he was thinking of her? There were so many words acc.u.mulated over the years she wanted to say to him……
Liu Fu Ling took the embroidered shoe back from Yun Ge ”Just one year. If you still want to leave after one year, I will return this pearl embroidered shoe to you. At that time you and I will no longer have any promise to each other. But right now, I want you to fulfill the promise you made years ago.”
Yun Ge suddenly laughed ”Ling gege, you are so smart. It's my fault for being such a dummy years ago, and now that I'm all grown I'm still a dummy. Fine! One year's promise.” She turned towards her residence ”One year from now when I leave, you don't need to send me off.”
Liu Fu Ling stood there, with his hands tightly gripping the embroidered shoe, staring as Yun Ge's figure slowly disappeared into her room. Long after she had entered her room, he was still standing in place. He raised his head and looked at the night sky. The darkness was low and it was dotted with stars, an everlasting type of beauty. Such stars, such a night.
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