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Yun Zhong Ge Chapter 34: Your Heart My Heart

Koala has already translated Chapter 33, so here's 34.

I was reminded of something I read on my friend's facebook recently: Should we forgive someone if they didn't mean any

harm?

Liu Fu Ling told one harmless lie, not knowing it would lead to a lifetime of pain for Yun Ge. Later on, he was thinking that if only he didn't met Yun Ge, she would have probably be soaring in the open skies with her partner by now, and came to the conclusion that Man shouldn't lie.

Yun Ge didn't mean any harm when she kept pressing Xiao Mei about Liu Fu Ling and whether he truly loved Xiao Mei, not caring that she was further twisting the knife deeper into Xiao Mei's heart. She didn't mean it, but that doesn't mean the pain inflicted was any less.

Meng Jue didn't mean to turn Yun Ge away, he just wanted to rise, to take revenge, but in the process, he caused so much hurt and pain to those around him. Was it worth it? Should we hate him because of that?

How many times in our lives do we actually do something that causes hurt but didn't mean it? Then why do we judge others so harshly when they do the same to us?

Update: CHAPTER COMPLETE I've recently gotten a job so updates won't be as frequent, but I'll do my best

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After she climbed the mountain with Liu Fu Ling, Yun Ge thought everything would be like before. But, she was wrong.

Every day after court was dismissed, the first place Liu Fu Ling would go to was still Jiao Fang Hall. He would tour the Imperial Gardens with Xiao Mei by his side, even plucking a fragrant flower for her. Xiao Mei now was like a different person compared to when Yun Ge first met her, her shyness and awkwardness had left, her charm displayed to the fullest.

Yun Ge only grew thinner as each day pa.s.sed in silence; in the stillness, she waited for her heart to turn into ash. Sometimes she would wake early, or sleep late, waiting for Liu Fu Ling in the garden, in between the palace walls, staring at his departure and return. She used her silence to protect her last bit of pride, but each time she stared at him, her eyes had already betrayed her.

If Liu Fu Ling was willing to look into her eyes, he would definitely be able to see it. When he saw her, he would stop for a moment, but everything they had together was only worth making him stop for just that one moment. He silently walked past her, walking far away. Leaving her to be torn apart and wither in the wind.

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A big red lantern hung in Xuan s.h.i.+ Hall, the carpet and the wall decorations were peppered with drawings of the dragon and phoenix flying together. No one was willing to tell Yun Ge what was about to happen. “Fu Yu, go find out for me, is the palace about to celebrate some happy occasion?”

“His and her majesty are about to go through the ceremony to consummate their marriage.” When Fu Yu came back, his voice was as small as an ant. Yun Ge felt like her organs were being torn apart, silently, she bent down, unmoving, a small smile seemed to play on her lips but cold sweat dripped down her forehead. Liu Fu Ling returned at night, finished was.h.i.+ng up and was just about to get onto his pallet when he saw a small person curled up under the heavy silk curtains. He stared at the tiny green figure beneath the curtains, and stiffened where he was.

“Ling Ge Ge, are you still going to give up the throne?” Her tiny voice held a final entreaty. Liu Fu Ling opened his mouth with difficulty “This position comes with difficulties that not one else would be able to understand, but it also comes with everything everyone knows about. I wouldn’t rest easy pa.s.sing my throne to Liu He or Liu Xun; I want to pa.s.s it to my own son.” “You want Xiao Mei to be your ‘true’ Empress?”

After a period of silence, Liu Fu Ling squeezed out the few words through his gritted teeth “Yes! At least for now.”

“What about me?” Yun Ge lifted up her head. Her face was behind the curtains, vague and unclear, but her pained, sorrowful gaze pierced Liu Fu Ling straight through his heart. Liu Fu Ling clenched his hands into fists in his sleeves “I will treat you well, protecting and showing favour on you for the rest of my life. At the moment besides the t.i.tle of the Empress, I can give you anything else you wish for.” Yun Ge suddenly pulled the silk curtains down, her body trembling uncontrollably. “Ling Ge Ge, in the end, was it you or I who was at fault? You shouldn’t have behaved like that in the beginning if you knew what the result would be.” “You were wrong, and so was I. I was wrong because after walking on all these curved bends, I only realized I was being too naïve just as I was about to give up. You were wrong because up till now, you still cannot compromise a bit. The G.o.ds play jokes on us mortal, what in the world is truly perfect? Why do you refuse to grow up? Why can’t you just take a step back?”

Yun Ge stared at Liu Fu Ling, her eyes full of disbelief, but as she searched his frank, expressionless face, it disappeared bit by bit. Finally all the hurt, pain and anger in her eyes were completely buried, and only lifeless darkness remained. She slowly stood up and walked across the stone path barefoot.

The pain in Liu Fu Ling’s chest crashed in around him, and he abruptly closed his eyes.

Just when she was about to walk out of the hall, Yun Ge suddenly remembered something, turned back and said coldly “Your majesty, our promise of old is dead, please return me by pearl embroidered shoe.” Liu Fu Ling’s body trembled slightly; after a moment, he reached into his robe and slowly drew out a pearl embroidered shoe. He seemed to want to give it back, yet didn’t, so

Yun Ge s.n.a.t.c.hed it away and floated out of the hall.

Liu Fu Ling’s hand still hung mid-air in a strange ‘holding’ position, but his hand only held air.

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Yun Ge felt like she didn’t know herself any more. Her parents and brothers were all terribly proud people, she too thought she would be like Zhuo Wen Jun.

“They're telling me Your thoughts are double:

That's why I've come

To break it off”

“Broken silk string, imperfect mirror, I swear into the swirling Jin Jiang River, that I will leave your side forever.”

Yet it turned out that she couldn’t cut it off as easily as she thought she could. Maybe it was because this was her “Ling Ge Ge”, or maybe this was because her feelings were already out of her control, no matter what she witnessed or heard, there was still that disbelief in her heart. Purely because of that tiny ray of hope deep down in her heart, she threw aside her pride, cast aside her self-respect, and stood in front of Xiao Mei. Her skirt rippled, her temples held dark clouds of hair, her slim waist accented by the sash tied across. She exuded poetic grace, her charm displayed to the fullest. This was the first time Yun Ge realized that though Xiao Mei’s frame was pet.i.te, her features were so exquisite.

Xiao Mei couldn’t control her happiness and twirled a few rounds in front of Yun Ge. “Yun Jie Jie, is it pretty? The skirts are new; his majesty said I didn’t suit those heavy, complicated court robes, so he specially chose this for me.” Yun Ge had never seen Xiao Mei like this, charming, radiant, happy.

Xiao Mei used to look like a stagnant puddle of water under the shadow of the roof, but now she looked like a fresh blooming flower. Yun Ge asked herself, was there still any need to ask? The answer was already so obvious. She should smile and leave, at least salvage her tattered pride. But, her heart wasn’t under her control.

“Xiao Mei, does his majesty truly like you?” Xiao Mei’s face darkened, and looked sharply at Yun Ge, but she hid her displeasure quickly and smiled “Yun Jie Jie, I know that in his majesty’s heart, no matter what I do, I will never surpa.s.s you. However, I have been trained from young to get along well with the other sisters in the harem. As long as Yun Jie Jie treats me well, I will treat Yun Jie Jie well too, not adding on to his majesty’s troubles. Yun Jie Jie needn’t worry about the future.” The hidden meaning behind her words was, if she dared to cross the line, Xiao Mei wouldn’t go easy on her.

Yun Ge pressed on, unconcerned “Xiao Mei, does his majesty treat you well?”

Although Xiao Mei did feel a little angry, more than that, she felt embarra.s.sment and happiness, like a fourteen or fifteen year old young woman in the bloom of her first love. Her fingers played with the sash around her waist as she bowed her head and smiled.

After a long while, she said softly “His majesty treats Yun Jie Jie even better.” Xiao Mei couldn’t understand “Yun Jie Jie, what are you thinking of? Are you still afraid I will s.n.a.t.c.h his majesty away?” Yun Ge smiled “No, he was yours in the first place. I was the one at fault.” So be it! Wasn’t her original plan to match him with Xiao Mei? But…..why did her heart hurt so? “I never intended to be the only one claiming favour in the palace; his majesty belongs to us, as well as to all the people under the heavens. It just isn’t a convenient time for his majesty to confer the t.i.tle of concubine on you yet. After out consummation ritual, his majesty will definitely hasten to confer a t.i.tle on you, and I too will help you, you needn’t worry about Huo Guang objecting.” Xiao Mei’s face was full of shyness as she picked up a few accessories to show Yun Ge “Yun Jie Jie, help me take a look at these, what accessories should I wear today?” “He has you in his heart, so no matter what you wear; it will be beautiful to him.” Yun Ge bobbed a curtsy at Xiao Mei, then turned and left.

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Yun Ge sat alone at the riverside, quietly staring at the lotus flowers that stretched towards the horizon. The official Astronomer said today was an auspicious day. Today was Liu Fu Ling’s and Shang Guan Xiao Mei’s auspicious day, but it wasn’t hers.

The sound of glad tidings could be heard from afar. Yun Ge stretched out to pick a lotus leaf, tore it apart bit by bit, then slowly put it in her mouth and chewed. A sweet scent from the lotus leaf should have burst into her mouth, but everything was bitter. I shall accompany you? I shall accompany you! The words from the past still rang loud and clear. He only forgot to say that he would hold someone else’s hand to accompany her. But her boat was too small, and couldn’t sit a party of three. Yun Ge shouted towards the whole pond full of lotus leaves and flowers “You heard what he said that day too right? Yes or no?”

The flowers were silent, the moonlight lonely.

Looking at the time now, the auspicious hour would be anytime soon. Yun Ge was about to throw away all the remaining uneaten leaves when her heart contracted in pain, and so she retracted her hand and carefully placed the leaves in her bag.

She rose to walk towards Xuan s.h.i.+ Hall and Jiao Fang Hall, she must witness all the proceedings clearly. Now that their promise of ten years has been reduced to ashes, she must extinguish all the sparks from the ashes. The hall was completely filled with dragon phoenix candles as wide as an arm and a colourful picture embroidered with peac.o.c.k feathers showed the dragon and phoenix soaring together.

Silken gold was used as thread and carved jade as decoration, the big red ‘Xi’ palace lanterns were hung from Xuan s.h.i.+ Hall to Jiao Fang Hall, fiery red carpet was laid out on the floor; red lanterns hung in the sky, everywhere was covered in red. From afar, it looked tacky, but upon a closer look, one could truly feel the overwhelming sense of happiness the tacky decorations exuded. The proclaimer proclaimed “The auspicious hour is here.”

The instruments played as one, the voices of those singing were deafening.

Liu Fu Ling had a red sash across his waist, and was clad in a red robe. He slowly walked out from Xuan s.h.i.+ Hall and walked along the red carpet towards Jiao Fang Hall. Suddenly, he stopped. Only to see a glimpse of green skirts softly billowing in the wind not far away. The only bit of green among all that red, stood out so much it caught his eye. She was in the dark, he was in the light. He couldn’t see her clearly, but each action of his would be seen by her.

With his majesty standing there unmoving, the proclaimer became fl.u.s.tered but didn’t dare to rush the Emperor, so he only bade the musicians to play even louder with a wave of his hand. With the music pus.h.i.+ng him on, Liu Fu Ling walked step by step towards Jiao Fang Hall with a slight smile on his face.

One stretch of red carpet, felt like an entire lifetime. Yet no matter how slowly he walked, he still ended up in front of Jiao Fang Hall. The doors slowly opened, Shang Guan Xiao Mei wore a red phoenix cape, and sat prettily on the phoenix pallet.

An old palace maid threw large handfuls of gra.s.s stalks, bran, melon seeds, peanuts, walnuts, chestnuts at Xiao Mei’s feet, and read out auspicious phrases loudly as she did so. Liu Fu Ling stepped across all those auspicious fruits that represented many children and sat by Xiao Mei’s side.

The official of rites presented the wedding wine; Liu Fu Ling and Xiao Mei side by side, with their arms across each other, raised their cups and drank it together. Before he could finish the wine in his cup, the green skirts in the pavilion suddenly fluttered in the wind, then disappeared from view. Liu Fu Ling’s hand shook, and all his remaining wine splashed onto Xiao Mei’s sleeves. Shang Guan Xiao Mei s.h.i.+vered, then silently finished her cup of wine.

Step by step, Yun Ge walked away. Behind her, the red doors of Jiao Fang Hall slowly closed behind her; in front of her stood darkness, the rest of her life splayed out in front of her, without any ray of hope. The red, celebrations, drum music, all disappeared; only the silence of the night cloaked her.

When she was out of Wei Yang Palace, she stood on the palace bridge, Yun Ge stopped. In front of her was the path to leave Chang An, behind her, was the majestic Han palace. With a strong tear, Yun Ge suddenly tore the embroidered shoe she was holding apart, the pearl on top falling soundlessly into the water below. With the two parts of the shoe in her hands, she stretched them out, tipped them and they fell from her hands, swept along by the river.

Yun Ge didn’t turn back anymore, and walked right out of Chang An.

Not long after she walked out of the city gates, Meng Jue came with horses “Yun Ge.” Yun Ge looked coldly at him, and brushed past his side. Meng Jue led a horse and quietly walked by her side. After a long while, Yun Ge stared into the darkness and finally spoke “What did you come here for?”

“To send you off.”

Yun Ge stopped talking. A small pavilion after one large, Meng Jue walked by her, stretch after stretch of road. They were already well out of Chang An, but he showed no intention to go back. Yun Ge said “Go home! I’m on my way home, I won’t get lost.” Meng Jue didn’t say anything, continuing to walked by her.

Yun Ge sighed, then pointed to the road that led out to the horizon “Are you going to accompany me all the way?”, then pointed to Chang An city behind her “Could you bear to leave that behind?” Meng Jue thought for a while, then stopped. “Pa.s.s my regards to your Third Brother when you see him.”

Surprised, Yun Ge asked “You know my Third Brother?”, then almost as quickly scoffed “’If you wish to accomplish your task fully, you must first gather the right weapons.’ You really covered all bases on this one! I think you might know more about my family than I do. I’m still mulling over why my father and mother left Han, do you know the reason why? Tell me.” “I did ask around, but my search reached a dead end every time. Liu Che was ruthless and cruel, during the Crown Prince Ju rebellion, tens of thousands of people died in Chang An, so not many know the old matters. Even those that know have become beings hidden in the shadows, leaving no trace.” Yun Ge laughed mockingly “So there are things that Mister Meng can’t do either.”

Meng Jue’s smile held bitterness “Yun Ge, in this world, not everyone can be like you, growing up peacefully and contentedly. Each time I walk one step, if I’m not careful, the result would not be me veering unto the wrong path, but death. And not everything can be judged clearly as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, more often than not, most people are walking along that thin line of right and wrong, like how I treated Huo Cheng Jun, how Liu Fu Ling is treating Shang Guan Xiao Mei. We can only make a choice facing reality head on.” Yun Ge hit herself hard on the head “We met in Chang An, and will part in Chang An. From now on, you are you, and I am me. What is the point of me getting entangled into such matters with you?” Meng Jue smiled and gazed at Yun Ge. “Yun Ge, everything I planned in Chang An wasn’t to ‘meet’ you but to ‘reunite’ with you. As for our entanglement, it had already started years ago; it’s ending?” Meng Jue’s voice was tender but resolute “Never.” Yun Ge was stunned “Reunite?”

Meng Jue pa.s.sed the reins in his hands to Yun Ge “Rest well at home, I’ll give you a period of time to lick your wounds. Once I’m done settling matters here, and have a residence of my own, I will go fetch you.” “Meng Jue, speak clearly. Are you plotting something?”

Meng Jue said lightly “You just found out that the perfect man of your dreams was only a mere mortal like any other man; you definitely wouldn’t be in the mood to listen to a long story of growing up. In the future, I will tell you everything bit by bit, you can’t escape from it.” The pain she was trying to ignore reared its head, and Yun Ge doubled over in pain. She only managed to stand firm after holding her breath. She tiredly replied “You and him are different people. Meng Jue, I won’t see you again.” She held the horse's reins. “Thanks for your horse.” Meng Jue said coldly “You only think we’re different, but he is not different from me at all.”

All of Yun Ge’s strength was already spent on suppressing the pain in her heart and couldn’t muster the strength to speak any more. She gripped the saddle tightly and jumped onto the horse, flying off into the night like an arrow.

Meng Jue stared at the green person on the horse.

This time, she didn’t even turn back! The memory of a small green child, hurriedly chasing after her brother yet not forgetting to kindly remind him to see a doctor while turning back repeatedly, flashed across his mind.

When the horse started to gallop, all pent up tears started to fall fiercely. So their meeting in the desert was only to end like this in a final farewell. Why didn’t she listen to her parents? Why did she come to Chang An?

If she didn’t come to Chang An, everything would forever remain stopped at their meeting under the stars, and Ling Ge ge would forever live in her heart. She stubbornly said ‘You and him are different’ to Meng Jue, but in her heart, she understood that Liu Fu Ling wasn’t all that different from Meng Jue. She merely didn’t have the courage to look at her injuries properly. Every road, every patch of forest was all familiar. Liu Fu Ling had often brought her out on this road out of Chang An. As she looked towards Lishan, each memory spent there surfaced in her mind. The more she tried to tell herself not to think about them, the more she thought.

Yun Ge abruptly reined the horse in. her chest heaved and her thoughts whirled urgently. She quickly turned the horse back, and galloped back into Chang An.

No! Ling Ge Ge was not like Meng Jue. The confusion in her heart settled, and all the doubt surfaced.

That day in Lishan, she tried to run away but Ling Ge Ge was already outside waiting for her. Yet this time, from beginning to the end, Ling Ge Ge never even tried to hold her back. When Huo Cheng Jun presented her dance, Ling Ge Ge specially ordered someone to head into Xuan s.h.i.+ Hall to fetch his flute, then discussed how to counter Huo Guang with her later. Yet thiss time, Ling Ge Ge didn’t tell her anything. Unless Ling Ge Ge already felt nothing for her, but this was impossible, for even Ling Ge Ge himself didn’t dare to deny this either. What was most important was that Ling Ge Ge was definitely different compared to Meng Jue, Liu Bing Yi and Liu He. Yun Ge really wanted to give herself a tight slap, how could she have believed Ling Ge Ge’s words?

Meng Jue heard the sound of horse hoofs behind him, and thought it was a pedestrian, and moved to the roadside to give way. Yun Ge flew across him, and he called out in surprise, “Yun Ge?”

Yun Ge didn’t decrease her speed, only turning back to shout “He is different from all of you, and I’m the world’s greatest idiot!”

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After racing back to the palace gates, she wondered how she could get in. This blasted place, it truly was hard getting out, even tougher getting in! Two eunuchs morphed out of the darkness and asked with surprise “Hadn’t missy already left?”

Yun Ge said “I’ve come back again. Are you disappointed, or happy about that? Quick, help me think of a method to get in, or I will peel Yu An’s skin off his back.” The two eunuchs hurriedly brought Yun Ge into the palace, whispering “My dear missy, we have already reported to Yu An that you had already left Chang An; now that you’ve appeared again out of nowhere, if Supervisor Yu admonishes us….” “I will talk to Yu An about this, he has to first worry about his own life, so he’s not going to have time to worry about yours.”