c17 (1/2)
Ooof, this chapter hurts. This chapter of Yun Zhong Ge really really hurts. I think this kind of heartbreak cuts to the core even worse than what Yu Er must’ve felt when Jiu Ye was rejecting her over and over again. Yun Ge finally learns the truth about Meng Jue, and then sees with her own eyes a moment that can’t ever be erased. I can say Meng Jue brought it all on himself, but I adore his complicated personality and mult.i.tude of issues that I know sometimes he can’t be honest with himself. And perhaps he doesn’t yet know what he really wants, but like his adoptive father Jiu Ye learned the hard way, sometimes a split second action can have a lifetime of consequences. We’re one chapter away from the end of volume 1, so hold on to your hats.
Chapter 17: A Flower Matter
Liu Bing Yi and Meng Jue sat before a Go board but neither was playing. Liu Bing Yi placed white pieces all around the center of the board, and then placed a lone black piece right in the middle. One single black piece surrounded by white pieces, with seemingly no chance of escape.
Meng Jue laughed “The outer ring is the Yu Lin Army, the inner ring is the Imperial Army. Both are now controlled by Huo Guang.”
Liu Bing Yi then took the black pieces and started placing it around the border, signifying the royal forces currently set patrolling the borders. While there are white pieces here and there, now it appeared the black pieces controlled the board once again.
Meng Jue nodded “This Empire still belongs to the Liu family, and the Emperor in the hearts of the people is still named Liu. But……” Meng Jue pointed to the white pieces “The white pieces have the most strategic position. If the black pieces at the border starts to move, the white pieces sense danger and can strike first.” Meng Jue removed the lone black piece in the center of the board.
Liu Bing Yi placed another black piece inside “These last few years he’s worked hard to reform, lower taxes, lower punishments, stop using military expansion, letting the citizens rest. In the eyes of the scholars and the people, he is a sage ruler. Right now it seems the white pieces simply want more power. Huo Guang is very concerned with his reputation, and someone like that will never want to be remembered in the history books as an evil official.”
Meng Jue laughed “Huo Guang may be capable, but Liu Fu Ling is not a stupid Emperor. Liu Fu Ling also isn’t the only Liu family male progeny. If Huo Guang revolts, it will force the world to turn against him. So unless Liu Fu Ling pushes him to that point, he will not and will dare not revolt. He holds Liu Fu Ling’s life in his hands, but conversely Liu Fu Ling holds Huo Guang’s life in his hands. Right now it’s the Infantes that can’t wait for Huo Guang to make a move against Liu Fu Ling, so they can ride the wave and dispatch their armies and reap the easy rewards.”
Liu Bing Yi pointed to the lone black piece in the middle “What about him? What do you think about Liu Fu Ling?”
Meng Jue thought about it before answering “He’s an Emperor that doesn’t act like an Emperor. Earlier he could have used the impa.s.se between Shang Guan Jie and Huo Guang and at the same time moved his forces from the border region back to Chang An. So when the two sides went after each other, he could sweep in and take both of them out. Afterwards he can truly rule the entire world.”
Liu Bing Yi replied “This method could become an all out war. Since the Han dynasty started to wane, the other Xi Yu tributaries have started to make noise, and could take advantage of any civil war in Chang An. Liu Fu Ling cares more about the people than he cares about his throne, so his only choice is to do nothing.”
Meng Jue smiled “What if it was you? What would you do? Would you choose to sacrifice tens of thousands of lives just to cement your power? Or would you do as Liu Fu Ling did?”
Liu Bing Yi laughed but did not answer the question “I am not him, I will never face this choice.”
Meng Jue smiled and picked up his tea “In the past you paid attention to Han politics, but today………you are not your usual self.”
Liu Bing Yi lowered his head and placed with a piece “Probably because I’m about to become a father. I don’t want my son to follow my path in life, so……….” Liu Bing Yi raised his head and looked at Meng Jue “I think I will try to fight, try to change my fate in life. I don’t ask for much, but the least I can do is allow my son not to live a life hiding like a turtle in a sh.e.l.l.”
Meng Jue smiled “Today, the only two people who can give you such an opportunity is Huo Guang and Liu Fu Ling. Huo Guang must already know you are in Chang An yet he does nothing, so you can’t rely on him. If you can let go of the past, you should go see him” as Meng Jue pointed to the lone black piece in the center of the board.
Liu Bing Yi’s smile was very hopeless “What right do I have to not let it go? The question is not whether I can’t let it go, but whether he will believe that I’ve let it go.”
He received a summons that Huo Guang wanted to see him. Meng Jue knew it was a big deal, but he had to go if he still wanted to stay in Chang An. He cannot afford to offend Huo Guang.
His communications with the Infante of Yen was kept between them, but now Meng Jue wasn’t so sure Huo Guang didn’t somehow know about it. He couldn’t know how much about him Huo Guang knew, so all he could do was be wary and prepared for anything.
In the past when Huo Guang received guests, it was over a yard away so that it was safe. Now after the Shang Guan Jie a.s.sa.s.sination attempt, it was now two yards away, impossible for any a.s.sa.s.sin to strike.
“How’s the tea?” Huo Guang was dressed casually at home, impossible to tell that he held the fate of all of Chang An in his hands. Meng Jue smiled and replied “The fragrance is like a cloud. This is the Wu Yi Mountain tea that the former Emperor once complimented. This is the tea for true gentlemen.”
Huo Guang was pleased with his response and stared at him, finally saying “This tea is the finest of tea, but if its not brewed using the best wood chips, the clearest mountain spring water and placed in the finest tea cup, then it wastes half of its excellence.”
Huo Guang lightly coughed and someone emerged and placed a few sheep skin letters before Meng Jue. Meng Jue took a look and then placed it back on the table, smiling despite being wary and alert inside.
Huo Guang smiled and said “You must not have known that this tea was brewed by Cheng Jun. She is my most precious daughter. If you treat her well, I will give you the best wood chips, the best water, the best tea cup, so that you can become the best cup of tea.”
Meng Jue smiled and picked up his tea. Rather than saying he needed to be good to Huo Cheng Jun, what Huo Guang was saying was that he needed to be good and loyal to the Huo family. Huo Guang waited for Meng Jue’s response but Meng Jue remained silent.
Huo Guang looked more and more annoyed. Meng Jue was a genuine talent. His own son could not compare to Meng Jue, and the more Huo Guang studied him, the more Huo Guang liked him. But the more Huo Guang liked Meng Jue, the more dangerous it was for Meng Jue. Huo Guang will not allow Meng Jue to remain as a potential threat.
Huo Guang was about to call a servant and ask Meng Jue to leave when suddenly he heard a rustling from outside. He sighed “Daughters are the most mischievous, and also the most easy to spoil.” Huo Cheng Jun stopped eavesdropping and walked right in “Daddy, you are saying mean things about me.”
Since Gan Quan Mountain, Meng Jue only saw Huo Cheng Jun once more, and that time she was still mad at him. But right now she wasn’t mad at all. She smiled at him shyly. Huo Guang looked between Meng Jue and Cheng Jun and he inwardly sighed. They did make such a beautiful couple.
Huo Cheng Jun used jasmine oil today in her hair and Huo Guang could smell the faint scent of jasmine. He looked at Huo Cheng Jun silently standing there and he felt a pang of pain in his heart. It felt like long ago, another girl stood there and looked at him. He wasn’t sure if it was the scent of her toiletry, or the scent of the jasmine bushes behind her, but he could smell the jasmine.
Huo Guang also thought about his Lian Er, the pain of a white-haired person saying goodbye to a black-haired person. He softened and decided to give Meng Jue another chance. Huo Guang stood up and smiled at Huo Cheng Jun “Dad needs to go take care of some matters, can you walk Meng Jue out?”
Huo Cheng Jun happily nodded, her smile like a just bloomed jasmine flower. Huo Guang lovingly looked at her before leaving. Huo Cheng Jun and Meng Jue walked down the corridor. Meng Jue said “Thank you, my lady, for being so considerate.”
Huo Cheng Jun smiled “I told daddy that you and I, you and I……plus my daddy really likes you.” Meng Jue was silent and said nothing. Huo Cheng Jun continued, her face bright red and looking wistful “Even though my daddy says one needs to let go in order to gain, but I don’t believe that. Yun Ge…..Yun Ge is very good. Daddy has a lot of women, too. And my brother-in-laws all have concubines. If you want……I am willing to be with Yun Ge and together……with you………..” Huo Cheng Jun’s face was so red and her voice trailed off.
Meng Jue still said nothing so Huo Cheng Jun also remained silent. The two of them walked to the front door in silence. Huo Cheng Jun stood there with her lead lowered, tugging on her robe. Meng Jue said his farewell and left. Huo Cheng Jun stared at him until his figure disappeared from view.
Madam Huo walked past and she waved her maid away and said with a sigh “Cheng Jun, did you get what you wanted?” Huo Cheng Jun grabbed her mother’s arm “Yes, but it happened so suddenly so Meng Jue needed some time to process it. He didn’t answer daddy right away and daddy was about to get mad, but then he saw me and decided to give Meng Jue another chance. Mommy, why did you have me wear jasmine oil in my hair today, and wear a yellow robe?”
Madam Huo glared at Huo Cheng Jun “Why so many “whys”. You are much too spoiled.” Huo Cheng Jun grabbed her mother like a little girl and said “Mommy, mommy…..” Madam Huo patted Huo Cheng Jun on the back “Mom understands, and I hope you picked the right person. Who to marry is the most important decision in a woman’s life. You can make a mistake on anything, but you can’t marry the wrong man by mistake.”
Huo Cheng Jun replied “I understand, so I don’t want to marry a guy who matches up to our family. One Shang Guan An is enough. I want to be like the other sisters, marry men who rely completely on daddy.”
Madam Huo didn’t respond, but her expression revealed that she agreed with Huo Cheng Jun. She was once angry because her husband didn’t select her daughter to marry Shang Guan An, but now she was so thrilled the daughter who married Shang Guan An was not her own. “Cheng Jun, from now on, you can’t dress like this in front of your dad. This time your dad relented, but in the future he won’t change his mind just because of the way you are dressed.”
Huo Cheng Jun nodded.
Xiao Qing was helping Huo Cheng Jun wash up. She stared at the pretty face in the mirror and said “My lady, you’re different than before.”
If someone who witnessed her own sister and brother-in-law die in front of her could stay the same, that would be the odd thing. Huo Cheng Jun asked “In what way different?” Xiao Qin shook her head “I don’t know, just that you are even more beautiful.”
Huo Cheng Jun have a wry smile “Did you smear your lips with honey today?”
Xiao Qing helped Huo Cheng Jun brush her head and could see she was in a good mood. She asked “My lady, if you’ve agreed to let Meng Jue take Yun Ge as a concubine, why did you go see Yun Ge that day and say those things to her?”
Huo Cheng Jun laughed and walked over to the pallet “These things, you don’t need to know. All you need to do is be loyal. If I’m doing well, you’ll do well. My sister’s maid, Shang Guan Lan’s maid, you know what happened to them. Time to sleep, we have lots to take care of in the coming days.”
Yun Ge was walking in and out of the room, like a headless chicken. It appeared she was busy, but it wasn’t clear what she was so busy about. Meng Jue sat before the light reading a book, but his eyes unconsciously followed Yun Ge.
Yun Ge checked herself out in the mirror, making sure her hair was in order and her face was not dirty “Hey, King of the Jades, is there something wrong with me?” Meng Jue smiled and shook his head “There is nothing wrong with you.”
Yun Ge pointed at her nose “Then why do you keep staring at me?” Meng Jue suddenly pulled Yun Ge into his arms, holding her snugly. She wriggled “I’m not done with my ch.o.r.es!”
Meng Jue softly murmured “Yun Ge”, as soft as water, but as heavy as lead, sinking immediately into Yun Ge’s heart. Yun Ge was still feeling odd but she quieted down and then wrapped her arms around Meng Jue. She rested her head on his shoulder and tenderly said “I’m here.” Meng Jue replied “Don’t do ch.o.r.es any more, come with me for a walk.”
Yun Ge and Meng Jue slowly walked hand-in-hand, heading towards the countryside and the farm lands. In the dark of the night, a soft breeze brought the scent of fresh produce.
Their footsteps alarmed the frog by the pond and it jumped back in with a plop. It triggered a wave of frog calls which dwindled down to silence once again.
Yun Ge was so mischievous, so that when the frogs quieted down, she called out like a frog, causing them to start once again. She laughed and asked Meng Jue “Did I mimic them well? I can fake a lot of different animal calls!”
Meng Jue laughed and then flicked her forehead “The frogs will think a pretty new female frog is here and they all want to pursue her.” Did he call her a female frog? If she was a pretty female frog, that would make her an ugly human. Yun Ge made a face at Meng Jue and then called out to the pond again. “I just told them that the female frog is currently with an even more goodlooking male frog so they needn’t bother.”
After walking for a long time, Meng Jue still didn’t suggest they head back. Even though Yun Ge was sleepy, but if Meng Jue said nothing, then she wasn’t going to say anything, just keeping him company.
As the road became narrower, harder for them to walk side-by-side, Meng Jue kneeled down “I’ll carry you.” Yun Ge laughed and climbed on his back “I was just getting tired!”
Some tall branches dangled down over the road so Yun Ge would reach up and move it aside. The moonlight shone down and Yun Ge’s hand was as translucent as a jade. “Yun Ge, sing me a song.” Yun Ge rested her head on Meng Jue’s shoulder and started humming a song.
Under the canopy of trees, the moonlight was especially gentle. Yun Ge’s song would rise and fall with the melody, almost like a dream. Meng Jue felt Yun Ge softly kissing him on the neck and he smiled, but before the smile could become wider, it froze in its place.
When Meng Jue carried Yun Ge home it was already late and Yun Ge was fast asleep. He placed her on the bed and sat down in the yard to think.
When Yun Ge slept, she was all over the place. Her blanket got kicked half off the pallet, so Meng Jue would cover her up and then resume sitting in the dark.
When Liu Bing Yi walked into Yun Ge’s courtyard at dawn, he saw Meng Jue sitting on a stool looking tired. The bottom of his robe was wet, as if he sat outside the entire night.
Liu Bing Yi saw Yun Ge’s door still closed, likely she was still asleep. He asked in a low voice “What happened?” Meng Jue raised his head and looked at Liu Bing Yi “So it’s not just an Emperor who struggles with the choice between the Empire or the Beauty. If there was a day when you had to pick between the Empire, or the Beauty, which would you pick?”
Liu Bing Yi seemed like he wanted to answer, but in the end he didn’t “I will never be faced with that choice.” Meng Jue smiled and got up “Yun Ge slept late last night so don’t wake her. I might be home late tonight, tell her not to wait for me to eat dinner.”
His tall figure walked away, without his usual confidence but with more exhaustion.
Inside the room, Yun Ge stood barefoot next to the window. She slowly walked back to the pallet and wrapped herself tightly in the blanket.
The thick blanket was not enough to keep her warm, the coldness seeped out from inside her heart, it was so cold she started sneezing.
Her body was shaking, as if she was a lone Autumn leaf that would fall off the tree at the slightest gust of wind.
When Meng Jue returned that evening, Yun Ge’s face was a tad pale but otherwise she was normal as usual. She brought out her usual array of strange foods and Meng Jue ate it as usual as well.
Yun Ge quietly sat beside him, watching Meng Jue finish the food she made. “Is it good?” Meng Jue ate the final bite and then raised his eyes “I don’t know. I don’t taste any food I eat, everything tastes the same.” Yun Ge didn’t look surprised, just nodding her head.
Meng Jue asked “How long have you known? When you started making those weird dishes for me?” Yun Ge smiled “Its my fault for being so useless. You ate all those weird dishes I cooked but it hasn’t cured you.”
Meng Jue grabbed Yun Ge’s hand “My adoptive father’s medical skills are beyond compare and he tried many different ways but could never cure me. He told me that it wasn’t an illness of the body as much as it was an illness of the heart. Since he said no medicine could treat me, you shouldn’t feel bad.”
Yun Ge stared at their entwined hands and felt tears coming to her eyes, so she quickly averted her face. Meng Jue thought she was upset about his illness and grabbed her shoulder “I’m used to it now, so don’t think anymore about it. As long as you don’t dislike me for it. You are a world famous chef yet I cannot taste your food. It’s like a blind man marrying a beauty, all he can do is hear other people complimenting his wife but he can never understand why.”
Yun Ge turned back, her tears gone, and she smiled. When Meng Jue saw her smile, he had this odd feeling that he couldn’t bear to face her smile. He pulled her head into his chest and nervously held her.
In his embrace, the smile on Yun Ge’s face disappeared and she stared straight ahead. At what she was looking at, she didn’t even know.
In these coming days, when Meng Jue left the house, she never asked him where he went. When he came home, she was always very needy towards him. Meng Jue felt that it was because of his illness, plus he always wanted Yun Ge to be this way around him, so he didn’t suspect the real reason why.
When they were alone, they were extra solicitous of each other. They were so sweet that Xu Ping Jun couldn’t stand it, while Liu Bing Yi just looked conflicted.
Liu Bing Yi stood by the gate to the courtyard for some time, but Yun Ge never moved once from her seat. She also never noticed Liu Bing Yi had long arrived. Liu Bing Yi pushed the gate open and the sound alerted Yun Ge. She immediately jumped up with a bright smile. But when she saw it was Liu Bing Yi, she couldn’t hide the emotional exhaustion in her eyes.
Liu Bing Yi pulled Yun Ge under the tree shade “You already know?”
Yun Ge finally couldn’t keep her fake smile on any longer and her face was desolate as she nodded “Big brother, don’t tell him.” Liu Bing Yi felt this sadness in his heart and he didn’t know how to console Yun Ge. This very moment, he truly hated that he was so useless. He also felt deeply once again how things would be different if he had power.
Yun Ge was silent for some time before she smiled “Big brother, I’ll be fine. He hasn’t made his decision, right? Maybe he’ll pick me, and he won’t pick the Empire!” Liu Bing Yi wanted to ask “And if he doesn’t pick you?” but when he saw Yun Ge’s forced smile, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He nodded his head “He will.”
Yun Ge used every hour to calculate the pa.s.sing of time with Meng Jue. She very carefully treasured his every warmth, his every embrace. She often thought that this might be the last time. With their every laugh, she would think to herself that this might be the last time.
She tried valiantly to grab onto as much happiness as she could hold onto. She tried so hard to leave more memories and marks in Meng Jue’s life. She didn’t know how much longer she had, and in the agony of her wait, she didn’t know how much longer she could endure it. But right now, she didn’t bear to let him go, to let go of his hand.
The streets of Chang An have gone from foreign to familiar to her. In this city, she’s made so many memories with Meng Jue. Yun Ge didn’t know how she walked to the Huo Estate, or why she was hiding in the bushes, staring at the estate in a daze. Perhaps she wanted to see clearly what thing inside was eating away at her happiness.