Part 18 (2/2)
We were just putting the finis.h.i.+ng touches on our smoky eyes and ruby-red lips when my doorbell rang. I opened it to find Marco standing on the other side.
He'd done his own version of gothic chic with a pair of black leather pants, a fitted turtleneck s.h.i.+rt and black boots. He'd gone double thick with the eyeliner tonight, and over his shoulder he'd slung a big leather bag.
”Let's do this,” he said by way of greeting, stepping into the room.
I sniffed the air as he walked past me. ”Did you have garlic for dinner?” I asked.
”No. I rubbed raw cloves all over my body,” he informed me. ”Just in case.”
I rolled my eyes. ”They're not real,” I told him for the millionth time.
”Says you.”
”Dana?” I called for backup.
”Hey, it never hurts to be prepared,” Marco argued. ”In fact, I've got a whole satchel of vampire hunting items here,” he said, digging into his bag.
I had to admit, morbid curiosity won me over. ”Like what?” I asked, leaning forward.
”Rosary beads, of course. And a bible,” he said, pulling out a pocket sized version. ”And then just the essentials for killing vampires,” he said, more items coming out of his bag.
I looked down at a dozen wooden kabob skewers, a bottle of Evian, and a can of tanning spray. I looked up at Marco and gave him the raised eyebrow. ”And these are deadly how?”
Marco rolled his eyes at me. (Yeah, seriously. The guy in leather pants that smelled like an Italian restaurant thought I was crazy.) ”Uh, h.e.l.lo? Wooden stake to the heart, holy water, and sunlight. The trinity of vampire hunting.”
I picked up the bottled water. ”Evian?”
Marco shrugged. ”Gunnar said a Nordic prayer over it. It was the best I could do on short notice.”
”And tanning spray?”
”What? It says 'suns.h.i.+ne in a can' on the label.”
”Okay, are we ready?” Dana asked, emerging from the bathroom, eyes super smoky.
”Almost,” Marco said. ”I was nervous, so I drank the other bottle of Evian on the way over. Can I use the little boys' room?”
I pointed down the hallway. ”Be my guest.”
”Gracias,” he called after himself as he skipped toward it.
”What is all this stuff?” Dana asked looking down at Marco's slayer kit.
”You don't want to know,” I told her, fairly confident it was true.
”Maddie?” I heard from the bathroom. ”Help!”
Dana and I made our way to the door to find Marco bent over the toilet, his legs crossed. ”I can't get this lock thingie off,” he whimpered.
Oh, brother. I leaned down and looked at the plastic contraption that my mom had installed, trying to remember how she'd worked it earlier. There was a b.u.t.ton, a lever, a little red indicator window, and a latch. I pushed the b.u.t.ton. Nothing. I flipped the latch, and the indicator turned green, but the lid was still securely stuck. I pushed the b.u.t.ton and flipped the latch. Nada.
”OhmiG.o.d, I'm gonna pee my pants,” Marco whined dancing from foot to foot.
”Go use the other bathroom,” I said, gesturing to the master.
Marco bolted, running down the hallway as quickly as a man crossing his legs could.
”Maybe you need to move the lever?” Dana suggested.
I tried that, and the indicator turned red again.
”Maybe move the lever and flip the latch?” she said, doing just that. But the lid didn't move.
”Did this thing come with instructions?” she asked.
”This one's locked, too!” Marco screamed from the master bathroom. ”I'm gonna burst!”
”Wow, your mom is really taking this baby safety things seriously. I'm impressed,” Dana said, nodding.
”Hurry, oh G.o.d, please hurry!” Marco yelled, pee-pee dancing back down the hallway. ”These pants are Versace, and I'm two seconds away from tinkling on them!”
”Okay, we can do this,” I said, staring the gadget down. We were three smart, educated, intelligent people. More importantly, we were all over the age of two. We would conquer the baby proof lock.
I moved the lever, flipped the latch and pushed the b.u.t.ton. Nothing. I pushed the b.u.t.ton, moved the lever, then flipped the latch. Nada.
”OhmiG.o.d. My bladder. She's gonna burst.”
”You have a female bladder?” Dana asked, giggling.
”Shut up. Don't make me laugh!” Marco commanded.
”Wait, I think I got it,” I said, feeling the tip of my tongue protrude from my mouth in extreme concentration. I flipped the latch, moved the lever, pushed the b.u.t.ton and watched in awe as the little indicator window turned green and the lock fell away in my hand.
”My hero,” Marco yelled, pus.h.i.+ng me out of the way and unzipping his pants all in one motion.
Dana and I jumped out of the bathroom, barely getting the door closed before the sound of Niagara Falls. .h.i.t our ears.
”Oh, sweet mother of all that is liquid, that is heaven,” Marco moaned from the other side of the door.
Well, as long as my baby wasn't any smarter than Marco, I guess she'd be safe.
We managed to arrive at Sebastian's without further incident and parked in the circular drive beside the other party-goers' cars. Marco shoved his hand in his satchel, clutching his rosary beads as we entered through the large, wooden, front doors, the sounds of music and laughter was.h.i.+ng over us.
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