Part 17 (2/2)
”No, Micah's a good leader in a mainstream kind of way. He makes good decisions and he's good at human politics.”
He was being so reasonable. It made me hopeful. ”He is.”
”I'm not a good man, Anita, not like that.”
”Most people aren't that good,” I said.
”Is he as good in bed as he is as a person?”
”What?” I asked.
”Is he better in bed than I am, is that it?”
I just blinked at him. ”Don't do this.”
”Is he?”
”Haven, don't . . .”
He yelled, ”Is he?”
I so didn't want to do this, but . . . ”Yes.”
”Because he's bigger.”
”No, it's not size. He's not that much bigger than you are. It's that he listens in bed. You act like anytime I ask for you to change something, it's a criticism. It's not, it's just that some nights I want it gentle, some nights I want rougher. I don't want the same thing every time I make love.”
”I've never been with a woman who wants so many different things in bed.”
I shrugged. ”s.e.x is my only hobby, or so friends tell me.”
”It's not your hobby, Anita, it's your pa.s.sion. You like s.e.x, really like s.e.x, more than any woman I've ever been with. I think back now and wonder how many of the strippers and other women were faking it in bed with me just like they do on stage. They all wanted something from me. Pay their rent, buy them clothes, jewelry, but you don't want anything from me. There's nothing I can buy you that you can't buy yourself.”
”It's not about buying me things, Haven.”
”Jean-Claude gives you roses every week.”
”I buy him presents, too,” I said.
”You've given most of the men flowers, jewelry. You date like a guy, Anita.”
I thought about that, shrugged again. ”I guess so, I don't know. I've never understood why all the presents are supposed to be just one way.”
”You don't let a guy be a guy, Anita. You take that away from us.”
”I don't even know what that means,” I said, and I didn't.
”I could live with the other men, but not the other lions, Anita. Do you understand how weak that makes me look to the other males? I could even live with you f.u.c.king Payne, or Jesse, but Noel and Travis?” He stood up and his power spilled through the room as if someone had turned the thermostat to broil.
”Last night was the first time with Noel, Haven, I swear.”
”I don't believe you.”
”You should be able to tell truth from lie, Haven.”
He shook his head. ”I can't tell anymore. It's like my own anger is blinding me.”
”The only lion besides you that I'm sleeping with is Nicky.”
”Why won't you let us fight? Are you afraid I'll kill him?”
”I'm afraid one of you will kill the other and it will be my fault.”
”We're lions, Anita, not people. You need to let us be lions.”
”What does that mean?” I asked.
”It means a pride only has one Rex and one Regina. You can't keep Nick and me. You can't f.u.c.k the weakest lions in my pride and not f.u.c.k me at all.”
I gave up trying to explain that I hadn't touched Noel and Travis before last night. I'd learned a long time ago that it's almost impossible to prove you didn't do something, especially if someone is determined that you did it. Innocent until proven guilty only works in court, and even then every jury has its prejudices. We all judge.
”What would it take to get me back in your bed?”
The change in topic was too fast for me. ”I thought we were fighting.”
”Yeah, but you don't do makeup s.e.x. If you're mad at someone you stay mad. Everything I thought I knew about women and dating them doesn't work with you. So tell me what does work. Tell me how to win this one.”
I took in a lot of air and let it out slow. ”It's not about winning, Haven. I'm not a prize to be won. I'm not the princess that needs rescuing from the dragon. I'm the prince and I kill my own monsters. You need to be okay with that.”
”I got that the day you fought beside the other men against me. I got that last night when you cut me with a silver blade. If you and Jean-Claude hadn't put so much energy out I'd still be hurt.” He studied my face, and something about the seriousness of that look made me want to look away, but I didn't. I could look at it if he could feel it. ”Would you really have killed me last night to keep Noel alive?”
”We're supposed to protect those weaker than us,” I said.
”Is that a yes, you would have killed me to save Noel?”
”Fine, yes,” I said.
”Is he better in bed than I am?”
”I'll say this one more time. I don't know. I didn't have intercourse with him last night so I still don't know. I doubt if he'd be as good; he's too soft. I prefer my men with more life experience.”
”I hear Nathaniel had plenty of experience.”
”Are you going to throw Nathaniel's past in my face?”
”If you were a guy, I'd tell you the love of your life was a wh.o.r.e.”
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