Part 14 (2/2)
The lovemaking turned ugly, as she raced to a climax that he had no part of except as meat. He wondered if this was what it was like to be raped and realized no, this was even more fundamental. This was what it was like to be taken, like a predator takes its prey: helpless, in pain, to be used and consumed. . . .
The thought shriveled him instantly. He deflated, slipped out of her.
And Nora lost her mind.
”G.o.d d.a.m.n!!” she bellowed. She rolled off of him and stood, panting, crackling like a downed power line. Syd grabbed his throat instinctively, half-expecting to feel the gush of his own blood cascading through some great ragged fissure.
”s.h.i.+T!” Nora turned, punched the wall. ”Why did you stop?” she demanded. ”G.o.ddammit, Syd, we were so f.u.c.king close! Couldn't you feel it?”
Syd stared at her, aghast. There was no blood. His throat was still intact. ”What are you talking about?” he croaked.
”Why did you stop?”
”I don't know,” he blurted. ”I . . .”
”You what?”
”I thought I was going to hurt you!”
”HA!” she scoffed. ”You couldn't hurt me if your life depended on it!” She began pacing back and forth. ”I can't believe what a f.u.c.king p.u.s.s.y you are sometimes,” she muttered.
”Hey, f.u.c.k you-”
”Oh, great, now you're tough,” she ripped into him. ”Now you can get it up. So where were all those b.a.l.l.s five minutes ago, when they could've done some good?”
Syd's mouth opened, closed again. That one scored a direct hit, kicked his legs right out from under him. ”I'm sorry,” he said, looking away. His head w.a.n.ged, a knot of tension blossoming behind his eye sockets. ”Everything just got weird all of a sudden. . . .”
”Says who?” she countered. ”Did you see me complaining? I wanted you to bite me, Syd. I needed you to.”
”You don't understand. . . .” he began.
”What's to understand?” she spat.
”I wanted to kill you!” he exploded. ”I swear to G.o.d, Nora, for a second there I was gonna seriously hurt you.”
”Good!” she said. ”That's what I wanted you to feel.”
”What the h.e.l.l for?” Syd was stymied. ”I don't want to hurt you, Nora. I don't want to hurt anybody.”
”Oh, yeah? What about Karen?”
The remark came from out of nowhere, took him totally off-guard. ”What the f.u.c.k are you talking about?!” Syd said defensively. ”I don't want to hurt Karen. . . .”
”Yeah, right,” Nora gave him a deadly look. ”Tell me you don't dream about ripping her smug, lying little face off.” She watched his reaction, knew she'd hit a nerve. ”And what about whats.h.i.+sname-” Nora smiled viciously, drew the name out for maximum sarcasm, ”-Vauuuughn.”
”Shut up.”
But Nora wouldn't shut up, and Nora wouldn't back off. ”Tell me you don't lay awake nights thinking about him,” she continued. ”Tell me you don't think about your wife lying there with her legs spread, about the look on her face when he slid his d.i.c.k inside her. . . .”
Syd closed his eyes, trying to contain his mounting rage as Nora methodically twisted the knife. ”The one she put in her mouth . . .” She leaned in close, practically whispering in his ear. ”. . . the mouth she kissed you with-”
”WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?” he shouted in her face. ”WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??”
”I want to know if you've got what it takes,” she said flatly. ”And I want to know,” she said, ”can you let it out?”
”Let what out?” he asked, incredulous.
”Don't be stupid,” she answered. ”What do you think is going on here, Syd? What do you think happened last night? Do you think this is all an accident?”
”I don't know what you're talking about. . . .” Syd muttered. His head was throbbing now, as if his brain had just grown too big for his skull. He brought a hand to his temples, ma.s.saged them gingerly.
”It's not chance that we met, Syd,” she said. ”It's fate. I chose you. You've got it in you.
”But you've got to let it out.”
”LET WHAT OUT?!”.
”Your strength,” she said. ”Your power. The thing you've kept strapped down your whole G.o.ddam life.
”I want it, Syd. I need it. And if you can't give it to me, then you're no f.u.c.king good to me at all.”
The last line hit him like a roundhouse punch; Syd glared at her through the pain. ”So what,” he muttered sarcastically, ”you want me to bite chunks out of you and beat the s.h.i.+t out of people on your behalf? Anything else? Do you want me to kill for you, too?”
”If need be,” Nora replied. She was dead serious. ”I at least want to know that you can.” A rueful light shone in her eyes. ”I need somebody who can take care of me, Syd, somebody who'll be there when I need him with more than just the best of intentions, not just another well-meaning wimp who can't get it up in the clinches.”
The insult was targeted, absolutely intentional. Syd sulked and smoked as she threw on her jeans, then her s.h.i.+rt, then her sweater. Every article of clothing she donned put another layer between them, until finally Syd was alone in his nakedness.
”Well,” he said at last, ”I guess maybe you need someone else.”
”I guess I do,” she replied. Her tone was both caustically brutal and threaded with regret. ”I guess I do.”
Nora's boots were at the foot of the bed; she stepped into them in silence, then turned and scooped her jacket off the chair by the door.
She paused on her way out, and they regarded each other defiantly. Syd stubbornly met her gaze, refusing to give an inch. The look on her face as she turned her back on him was at once haughty and contemptuous and incredibly sad. He listened to the clack of her boot heels and the jingle of keys as she moved across the living room.
There was a moment of silence after she rounded the corner, and his heart leapt, thinking she's coming back! Then he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing behind her.
And she was gone.
”f.u.c.k!!!” he roared, vaulting off the bed. The ashtray tumbled off, spilling its smoldering contents onto the floor as he grabbed his jeans, fumbled into them.
”NORA!!”.
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