Part 28 (1/2)
”But how can ya take it home?”
”Well, why not?”
”Think about it - you can't say you've been down here, now, can ya?”
She moaned. ”You're right. They'd never expect me to come here by myself.”
”They'd suspect you were here with me,” he said. ”And the bishop or Barbara might've seen us ridin' up the road together earlier.”
Rose was torn now, because she couldn't show her mother or take the tin and the money safely home again. She could not even tell Mamm she'd found it. And if word got out to Silas's father, or to Silas himself, who knew what might happen? ”Guess I have no choice but to leave it here.” She felt like crying.
”It's just like everything else, Rosie.”
She raised her ap.r.o.n hem to dab at her eyes, listening. ”What is?”
He looked at the boulder, his gaze rising up the steep ravine. ”We can't be honest and show anyone what we know. Or how we feel.”
What do you mean? she almost said, but she knew. She knew all too well. Tears welled up in her eyes.
”We have to hide our feelings behind a boulder, like that tin box. Keep them hidden away like Mr. Browning kept his daughter a secret out of fear.” Nick looked into her eyes, pleading. ”Come with me to the modern world, won't ya, Rosie? For gut.”
”Leave the People?”
”We'll disappear before dawn.” He reached for her hand.
She hesitated, shocked by his request. ”What are ya sayin', Nick?” She stared at him, aware of the ache in her throat.
”We've known each other nearly all our lives. I know how you are with me. I saw you lookin' my way when your cousins were talkin' and flirting with me at Singing. Aw, Rosie, I know you care for me.”
”Sure, I care, but ...”
”What?” His eyes urged her to continue.
”I belong to . . .” She stopped.
Nick took both her hands in his and drew her near. Her cheeks felt too warm, and a strange feeling nearly took her over ... like the night they rode Pepper together. ”It's always been you, Rosie. Always.”
She felt so horribly confused in his arms. ”But ... we're just friends!”
He nodded. ”The best kind of friends, jah. I'm the one who's listened to you talk a blue streak since we were kids. I know you better than anyone. Come away with me. We can live in Philly.”
”But that's where you long to be.” She shook her head. ”My life is here.”
”Shh. Just listen.” He cupped her chin, his eyes searing hers. ”Think ahead twenty years from now,” he whispered. ”Who do you see yourself with?”
How dare he ask me this!
”Think, Rosie ... whose wife are you - and are ya happy?”
”Nick, don't.” She pulled away.
”Please, just let me have this moment - the two of us together.” He caressed her cheek, then pressed her face gently to him. She felt the rise and fall of his chest. ”Not a single day goes by that I don't think of you - us - this way. I can hardly wait to see you every afternoon. And I remember each place we've ever explored together.”
Oh, she could rest in his arms for always, embrace this strange, exuberant feeling. Yet Rose felt wicked for even thinking she should allow herself this pleasure.
But he'd said it himself: They truly were best friends! ”I do care for you, Nick.”
”Then come with me,” he said again. ”It's that simple.”
Rose searched his eyes, this familiar face she'd grown so accustomed to. A long moment pa.s.sed between them, and in that span of time, she felt it, too - she wanted to be with him, to be where he was. How many years had she cherished their friends.h.i.+p? Nick was the one she'd run to first when she had something to share.
Her heart was beating much too fast. Was this how Hen had felt with Brandon? Her dear, dear sister, who'd thrown her life away for the world? She thought also of Beth's father, who'd rescued his daughter from a boy who would surely have taken advantage of her innocence. Was Nick any different from either of them? Could she trust her heart to him?
No, she thought. This is just like the books I read - it's not real!
”It wouldn't be right,” she said at last. ”I can't go with you.”
Nick drew a slow breath. Her heart was breaking for him, for the rejection he must feel. ”Then I'll stay here and join church.”
”No, you'll never be happy unless you take the kneeling vow for the right reason. I see you livin' your life for the bishop, miserable day in and day out. I can't let you do that for me ... for the rest of your life. I won't.” She stopped to brush back tears. ”Besides, I'm sure you must know - I belong to Silas Good. I'm his steady girl.”
Nick never even flinched - he simply refused to acknowledge what she'd said. ”I know you love me, Rosie.”
If that's true, what kind of woman falls for two men? She shook her head.
Nick leaned down to kiss her forehead, her cheek. ”Have you saved your lips for your beau?” His voice was raspy, his breath near.
She kept her head bowed. ” 'Tis best, jah.”
He sighed audibly. ”I loved ya first....”
Rose knew in her core this was the last time she could ever show him any depth of affection. Raising her hands to his shoulders, she stood on tiptoe and gently kissed his face. It was wet with tears.
He reached for her so quickly, it took her breath away. She yielded to his strong embrace, thinking of poor Beth Browning, who'd loved and lost when her father had intervened. ”Daddy says it was for my own good,” Beth had told her in a quivering voice.
What would my father say if he saw me now? Rose wondered.
”I'm leavin' the Amish.” Nick's dark eyes shone with resolve. ”If I can't have you, I don't want to stay.” He sighed again, his head resting on hers. ”I couldn't bear it.”
”How soon?” Rose asked.
He shuddered and released her. ”When the time is right.”
Their eyes locked; Rose stepped back slightly. ”Then G.o.d be with ya, Nick Franco.”
”And with you, my sweet Rosie.”
Sunday morning, Hen held Mattie Sue's hand in the long line of women and girls who waited to enter the deacon's house for Preaching. She was filled with a great sense of joy to be attending church for the first time in years. It seemed like longer than five years since she'd heard the old Ausbund hymns or listened to the sermons.
Looking now at Mattie Sue - beautiful in her blue dress and white ap.r.o.n, her Kapp atop her head - Hen wondered how her little girl would manage the nearly three-and-a-half-hour service. Hen had already decided to sit close to the back, if she could, not being a member anyway. A good choice for Mattie's first time.