Part 13 (2/2)
Later, when Kate said she needed to put Annie down for a morning nap, Rose excused herself to visit a neighbor ”up the way.” And Kate, being a busy mother, wasn't any the wiser.
Hen wound her hair into a low bun at the back of her neck in preparation for work later that afternoon. She didn't take the time to twist the sides, as she'd always done growing up. She did scrub her face, however, deciding not to apply any makeup this morning, hoping Brandon wouldn't notice. Or, if he did, that he wouldn't mind. Rachel will be pleased, she thought of her cheerful employer.
Hurrying to the kitchen, she saw that Brandon was taking his time getting off to work and was glad for the chance to cook his favorite hot breakfast - scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon, and jelly toast. She caught herself; it reminded her of the scrambled egg sandwiches her father had always enjoyed back home.
Brandon looked up and did a double take when he saw her. ”'Morning, Hen.” He stared at her.
His frown made her feel strange. ”Uh, hope you don't mind.”
”What ... that you're trying to match Mattie's hairstyle?”
She hadn't thought of that. But here came sleepy-eyed Mattie, her hair still in its little knot from yesterday. Part of it was falling out, and for a moment Hen thought of Rose's sometimes-mussedup hair.
Mattie walked over to her daddy and crawled into his lap. Without looking at Hen, he began to pull the bobby pins out of Mattie's hair, one after the other, as he whispered to her. Hen couldn't make out what he was saying.
She really wanted to share what was in her heart this morning - something she had been pondering since sending her apology letter to Arie. But the likelihood of Brandon's agreeing was slim to nothing. Regardless, she forged ahead. ”I'm hoping to visit my former bishop, Aaron Petersheim, sometime. There are certain things I want to say to him,” she said, going over to sit at the table in the breakfast nook. ”I'd like you to come with me.”
”Hen. . .” Brandon looked down at Mattie and kissed the top of her head, her hair completely loose and hanging down her back now. ”Why would I want to do that?”
”Well, can't I hope, at least?” She sighed and glanced at the table.
”Have you thought about this?”
”Yes, I have. And you're welcome to come, if you're willing.”
He shook his head and set Mattie down, sending her back to her room to get dressed. ”I guess you'd like me to say, 'Hey, thanks, Hen.' Am I right?”
”I understand why you're not interested,” she said quietly. ”I a.s.sumed as much.”
”I have nothing to say to any Amish bishop - or to your father, for that matter.” Brandon rose and went to start the coffee maker. He placed his hands flat on the counter. Then, turning his head, he looked at her from across the kitchen. ”Every day there's something new with you, Hen. Where will this end?”
”Not 'end,' Brandon. It's actually a new beginning.”
”Well, not for me.” He raked his hand through his thick hair. ”And it certainly isn't for Mattie, either.”
She stiffened, apprehensive about his serious tone. Mattie Sue was her whole life, her everything. Well, so was Brandon....
”I'd like to make an Amish dress and cape ap.r.o.n ... for myself,” she said. ”Will that annoy you, too?”
He moaned and covered his face with his hands, then left the kitchen.
Feeling duly rejected, Hen wished she knew how to make this work for her and Mattie Sue while keeping Brandon happy, too. But how? It seemed absolutely impossible.
Actually, if she were honest with herself, dressing Plain - even working at Rachel's Fabrics - was only a fraction of what Hen wanted. She longed for everything she'd grown up with - time spent with family, openly living out her faith, and adherence to a lifestyle that promoted discipline and thoughtful child rearing.
She walked back to the bedroom, wanting to let Brandon know she did not intend to annoy him further. If the Amish attire bothered him, she would simply wear it to work. But she would not make the mistake of asking his permission anymore. She'd already blown it with that - taking the new job against his wishes.
He was brus.h.i.+ng his teeth when she found him. Standing by the door to the bathroom, she figured he must view her as completely selfish, yet she didn't know how to go about changing that. She wanted him to take her into his arms and say he loved her even if she wanted to incorporate a few of the simple, peaceful ways of her childhood into her present life. That it was all right with him if she couldn't pull off being a modern woman, after all. She was still his devoted wife.
Straightening, Brandon wiped his face with a towel and started when he saw her there. ”Good grief, Hen.”
”Sorry.” She touched his arm. ”This is just so complicated.”
He stared blankly at her. ”Not for Mattie and me. We're fine.”
”What do you mean?”
”Why don't you go back to your Amish foolishness ... if you must. I'll keep Mattie here with me.”
”Brandon ... what on earth?” Her heart was throbbing.
”Isn't that what you're working toward?” He frowned hard. ”A separation?”
”That's what you think?”
”Well, isn't it?”
”Honestly ... no, Brandon.”
”So, how's this supposed to work, then? Can you explain, because I'm clueless.”
”That's just it ... I don't know. I wish I could snap my fingers and be totally on board with your English life. But the older Mattie gets, the more I feel it's not possible.”
Brandon walked to the window across the room, near the oak chest her father had made for her. Her hope chest. ”Then I don't see any other way but for us to split up.” He turned, his face pale. ”Do you?”
”I love you.” She swallowed, trying not to cry. ”But I'm torn apart ... and I don't know what to do about it.”
He went to her, and she met him partway. ”I didn't force you away from your Plain life, did I?” His arms were around her now. ”You made that choice, Hen ... as I recall.”
”Yes,” she managed to say. She'd wanted him more than her strict background. Back then.
He held her near, kissing her face. ”I don't believe in that whole locked-in-time business - you know that. I'm fine with the real world. The world you chose when you married me.”
”I really thought what I'm feeling might pa.s.s....”
Hen heard Mattie Sue giggle while playing school with her dolls out in the hallway.
”But after our daughter was born,” Hen whispered, her lips trembling, ”everything started to change for me.”
Brandon studied her, his eyes agonized. ”What will you say to the bishop?” There was a catch in his voice.
”Offer to make amends ... somehow.”
”For your sin - for marrying me?” His eyes searched hers.
”We're unequally yoked,” she murmured. ”Bishop Petersheim told me that very thing once ... with fire in his eyes.”
<script>