Part 23 (1/2)
”If the greatest sinner on earth should repent at the moment of his death, and draw His last breath in an act of love, neither the many graces he had abused, nor the multiplied crimes he had committed, would stand in his way. Our Lord would see nothing, count nothing, but the sinner's last prayer, and without delay He would receive him into the arms of His Mercy.
”But, to make Him thus blind and to prevent Him doing the smallest sum of addition, we must approach Him through His Heart--on that side He is vulnerable and defenceless.”
I had grieved her, and had gone to ask her pardon: ”If you but knew what I feel!” she exclaimed. ”Never have I more clearly understood the love with which Jesus receives us when we seek His forgiveness. If I, His poor little creature, feel so tenderly towards you when you come back to me, what must pa.s.s through Our Lord's Divine Heart when we return to Him? Far more quickly than I have just done will He blot out our sins from His memory... .
Nay, He will even love us more tenderly than before we fell.”
I had an immense dread of the judgments of G.o.d, and no argument of Soeur Therese could remove it. One day I put to her the following objection: ”It is often said to us that in G.o.d's sight the angels themselves are not pure. How, therefore, can you expect me to be otherwise than filled with fear?”
She replied: ”There is but one means of compelling G.o.d not to judge us, and it is--to appear before Him empty-handed.” ”And how can that be done?” ”It is quite simple: lay nothing by, spend your treasures as you gain them. Were I to live to be eighty, I should always be poor, because I cannot economise. All my earnings are immediately spent on the ransom of souls.
”Were I to await the hour of death to offer my trifling coins for valuation, Our Lord would not fail to discover in them some base metal, and they would certainly have to be refined in Purgatory.
Is it not recorded of certain great Saints that, on appearing before the Tribunal of G.o.d, their hands laden with merit, they have yet been sent to that place of expiation, because in G.o.d's Eyes all our justice is unclean?”
”But,” I replied, ”if G.o.d does not judge our good actions, He will judge our bad ones.” ”Do not say that! Our Lord is Justice itself, and if He does not judge our good actions, neither will He judge our bad ones. It seems to me, that for Victims of Love there will be no judgment. G.o.d will rather hasten to reward with eternal delights His own Love which He will behold burning in their hearts.”
”To enjoy such a privilege, would it suffice to repeat that Act of Oblation which you have composed?” ”Oh, no! words do not suffice.
To be a true Victim of Love we must surrender ourselves entirely.
... _Love will consume us only in the measure of our self-surrender.”_
I was grieving bitterly over a fault I had committed. ”Take your Crucifix,” she said, ”and kiss it.” I kissed the Feet.
”Is that how a child kisses its father? Throw your arms at once round His Neck and kiss His Face.” When I had done so, she continued: ”That is not sufficient--He must return your caress.” I had to press the Crucifix to both my cheeks, whereupon she added: ”Now, all is forgiven.”
I told her one day that if I must be reproached I preferred deserving it to being unjustly accused. ”For my part,” she replied, ”I prefer to be charged unjustly, because, having nothing to reproach myself with, I offer gladly this little injustice to G.o.d. Then, humbling myself, I think how easily I might have deserved the reproach. The more you advance, the fewer the combats; or rather, the more easy the victory, because the good side of things will be more visible. Then your soul will soar above creatures. As for me, I feel utterly indifferent to all accusations because I have learned the hollowness of human judgment.”
She added further: ”When misunderstood and judged unfavourably, what benefit do we derive from defending ourselves? Leave things as they are, and say nothing. It is so sweet to allow ourselves to be judged anyhow, rightly or wrongly.
”It is not written in the Gospel that Saint Mary Magdalen put forth excuses when charged by her sister with sitting idle at Our Lord's Feet. She did not say: 'Martha, if you knew the happiness that is mine and if you heard the words that I hear, you too would leave everything to share my joy and my repose.' No, she preferred to keep silent... . Blessed silence which giveth such peace to the soul!”
At a moment of temptation and struggle I received this note: ”'The just man shall correct me in mercy and shall reprove me; but let not the oil of the sinner perfume my head.'[10] It is only by the just that I can be either reproved or corrected, because all my Sisters are pleasing to G.o.d. It is less bitter to be rebuked by a sinner than by a just man; but through compa.s.sion for sinners, to obtain their conversion, I beseech Thee, O my G.o.d, to permit that I may be well rebuked by those just souls who surround me. I ask also that the _oil of praise,_ so sweet to our nature, _may not perfume my head,_ that is to say, my mind, by making me believe that I possess virtues when I have merely performed a few good actions.
”Jesus! 'Thy Name is as oil poured out,'[11] and it is into this divine perfume that I desire wholly to plunge myself, far from the gaze of mankind.”