Part 11 (1/2)
Or rather:
”Love hath so wrought in me Since I have known its sway, That all within me, whether good or ill, It makes subservient to the end it seeks, And soon transforms my soul into itself.”[8]
Full sweet is the way of Love. It is true one may fall and be unfaithful to grace; but Love, knowing how to profit by everything, quickly consumes whatever is displeasing to Jesus, leaving in the heart only a deep and humble peace. I have obtained many spiritual lights through the works of St. John of the Cross.
When I was seventeen and eighteen they were my only food; but, later on, and even now, all spiritual authors leave me cold and dry. However beautiful and touching a book may be, my heart does not respond, and I read without understanding, or, if I understand, I cannot meditate. In my helplessness the Holy Scriptures and the _Imitation_ are of the greatest a.s.sistance; in them I find a hidden manna, genuine and pure. But it is from the Gospels that I find most help in the time of prayer; from them I draw all that I need for my poor soul. I am always discovering in them new lights and hidden mysterious meanings. I know and I have experienced that ”the Kingdom of G.o.d is within us.”[9] Our Lord has no need of books or teachers to instruct our souls. He, the Teacher of Teachers, instructs us without any noise of words. I have never heard Him speak, yet I know He is within me. He is there, always guiding and inspiring me; and just when I need them, lights, hitherto unseen, break in. This is not as a rule during my prayers, but in the midst of my daily duties. Sometimes, however, as this evening, at the close of a meditation spent in utter dryness, a word of comfort is given to me: ”Here is the Master I give thee, He will teach thee all that thou shouldst do. I wish thee to read in the Book of Life in which is contained the science of love... .”[10]
The Science of Love! How sweetly do these words echo in my soul!
That science alone do I desire. Having given all my substance for it, like the Spouse in the Canticles, ”I think that I have given nothing.”[11] After so many graces, may I not sing with the Psalmist that ”the Lord is good, that His Mercy endureth for ever”?[12]
It seems to me that if everyone were to receive such favours G.o.d would be feared by none, but loved to excess; that no one would ever commit the least wilful fault--and this through love, not fear.
Yet all souls cannot be alike. It is necessary that they should differ from one another in order that each Divine Perfection may receive its special honour. To me, He has given His Infinite Mercy, and it is in this ineffable mirror that I contemplate his other attributes. Therein all appear to me radiant with Love. His Justice, even more perhaps than the rest, seems to me to be clothed with Love. What joy to think that Our Lord is just, that is to say, that He takes our weakness into account, that He knows perfectly the frailty of our nature! Of what, then, need I be afraid?
Will not the G.o.d of Infinite Justice, Who deigns so lovingly to pardon the sins of the Prodigal Son, be also just to me ”who am always with Him”?[13]
In the year 1895 I received the grace to understand, more than ever, how much Jesus desires to be loved. Thinking one day of those who offer themselves as victims to the Justice of G.o.d, in order to turn aside the punishment reserved for sinners by taking it upon themselves, I felt this offering to be n.o.ble and generous, but was very far from feeling myself drawn to make it. ”O my Divine Master,” I cried from the bottom of my heart, ”shall Thy Justice alone receive victims of holocaust? Has not Thy Merciful Love also need thereof? On all sides it is ignored, rejected ...
the hearts on which Thou wouldst lavish it turn to creatures, there to seek their happiness in the miserable satisfaction of a moment, instead of casting themselves into Thine Arms, into the unfathomable furnace of Thine Infinite Love.
”O my G.o.d! must Thy Love which is disdained lie hidden in Thy Heart? Methinks, if Thou shouldst find souls offering themselves as victims of holocaust to Thy Love, Thou wouldst consume them rapidly; Thou wouldst be well pleased to suffer the flames of infinite tenderness to escape that are imprisoned in Thy Heart.
”If Thy Justice--which is of earth--must needs be satisfied, how much more must Thy Merciful Love desire to inflame souls, since _”Thy mercy reacheth even to the Heavens”_?[14] O Jesus! Let me be that happy victim--consume Thy holocaust with the Fire of Divine Love!”
Dear Mother, you know the love, or rather the oceans of grace which flooded my soul immediately after I made that Act of Oblation on June 9, 1895. From that day I have been penetrated and surrounded with love. Every moment this Merciful Love renews me and purifies me, leaving in my soul no trace of sin. I cannot fear Purgatory; I know I do not merit to enter, even, into that place of expiation with the Holy Souls, but I also know that the fire of Love is more sanctifying than the fire of Purgatory. I know that Jesus could not wish useless suffering for us, and He would not inspire me with the desires I feel, were He not willing to fulfill them.
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[1] Psalm 102[103]:14.
[2] Phil. 4:7.
[3] This letter, the style of which may seem strange to English ears, is modelled closely on the formal and quaint letters whereby French parents of the better cla.s.s announce to their friends the marriage of their children. Such letters of _”faire-part”_ are issued in the name of relatives to the third or fourth degree.
[Ed.]
[4] Therese had kept this wish hidden in her heart from the days of her childhood, and later in life she made the following confidence: ”I was ten the day Papa told Celine that she was to begin painting lessons. I felt quite envious. Then he turned to me and said: 'Well, little Queen, would you like to learn painting too?' I was going to say: 'Yes, indeed I should,' when Marie remarked that I had not the same taste for it as Celine. She carried her point, and I said nothing, thinking it was a splendid opportunity to make a big sacrifice for Our Lord; I was so anxious to learn, that even now I wonder how I was able to keep silence.”
[5] Eccl. 2:11.
[6] Celine entered the Convent on September 14, 1894, and took the name of Sister Genevieve of St. Teresa.
[7] Spiritual Canticle: Stanzas 18 and 20.
[8] Hymn to the Deity.
[9] Luke 17:21.
[10] Revelation of Our Lord to Bd. Margaret Mary.
[11] Cant. 8:7.