Volume Ii Part 10 (1/2)
”It wouldn't be a bad idea,” said Haggard meditatively. ”My present fellow insists on smoking my cigars, and absolutely declines to wear my new boots. I hate wearing boots for the first time. I think I'll give the fellow a chance after all.”
A week afterwards Maurice Capt was installed. To Lucy's intense astonishment, not one word did he breathe to her of his researches at the secluded village of Auray. But she felt that they understood one another. Gradually she came to the conclusion that she had bought the valet's silence at a very cheap price. He was glad to get back his good place, and that was probably all he wanted; he dropped no hint or innuendo of his discoveries, if he had made any, and he made no attempt at blackmailing.
Mademoiselle Fanchette was at first very attentive to the valet, and seemed to think less than ever of the ”_homme_” in Algeria. But Mr.
Capt, though very courteous to Fanchette, did not respond to her advances; perhaps he was yet sorrowing for the dead Hephzibah. Still Fanchette secured a gossip to whom she could confide her numerous troubles, and Haggard felt that he had done wisely in having once more obtained the invaluable services of the faithful Swiss.
It has been stated that the King's Warreners were divided into two religious camps--the upper cla.s.ses and the labourers going to church, while the smaller tradespeople sat under the Reverend Boanerges Smiter, an eloquent young Baptist minister, who had wrestled in vain for thirty years of his life with cruel letter H. It was the dream of Mr. Smiter's life to empty the old-fas.h.i.+oned pews of the parish church. With this intention he worked hard; he preached, he lectured, he even at considerable trouble obtained a sort of reputation as a pulpit comedian, but he forgot that the seats of Gilgal Chapel were hard, while the old baize-lined pews at King's Warren Church were high and comfortable, and seemed to say to their occupants, ”Here your slumbers will be undisturbed,” also that the vicar never preached for more than twenty minutes. Rev. B. Smiter (for somehow or other the definite article is always left out before the t.i.tle of a dissenting minister) was an ingenious man. It was through his exertions that Gilgal stood proudly upon its own freehold, and that it possessed actual cash at the bank.
When Mr. Smiter first came to King's Warren the funds of Gilgal Chapel were in a very bad state indeed. The community was in debt for rent, the pastor lived in a little lodging in the village, his stipend was of the smallest, and the chapel was badly out of repair. But Rev. Boanerges Smiter was equal to the occasion. He was the original inventor of the Great Avalanche System. He got into his little pulpit one day, and he preached his great sermon on the text ”Ask and ye shall have,” and then he explained to his hearers the details of the Great Avalanche System.
He told them, what they well knew, that they were in King's Warren a comparatively small body of relatively poor people. ”Many a time and oft,” said he, ”have my predecessors stood here, and urged you, my dear brothers and sisters, to give to the needs of this chapel. My predecessors have ever resembled the young ravens in their persistent cry, 'Give, Give;' and you, my dear brothers and sisters, have given, you've responded manfully, but what has been the result? Gilgal is as badly off as ever. We are but a small handful of Israelites in a great land of Egypt, and we are oppressed by Pharaoh; for Pharaoh, clad in purple and fine linen, takes t.i.thes of all we possess.” (Did he refer to poor Jack Dodd as Pharaoh?) ”But you will all remember that Moses ordered the children of Israel to spoil the Egyptians, and it will be our duty, nay our privilege, to do to these modern Egyptians as did our prototypes, the children of Israel, to Pharaoh and his subjects. What does Gilgal want? Gilgal wants to be out of debt. Gilgal wants a suitable residence for its pastor. Gilgal wants a new roof, and Gilgal would be all the better for a new organ. Now, my friends, did the Egyptians a.s.sist the unfortunate Israelites? Not a bit of it. Why they wouldn't even give them straw to make their bricks with. But though they wouldn't give them any straw, yet they yielded up to them after a time their jewels of silver and their jewels of gold, for we read that the Israelites spoiled the Egyptians. I am going to ask you for your charity, and I am going to head the subscription myself. Don't be cast down, my friends, at the single s.h.i.+lling which your pastor is about to subscribe. I trust that we shall obtain the roof, the freehold, the suitable residence for the pastor, nay, even the organ; for fifteen hundred pounds will do all this. Fifteen hundred pounds seems a large sum to you, my brethren, but it is easily to be obtained. And remark the pleasant fact that it will be obtained from the Egyptians. It is your charity I ask, but not your money, for the charity I require is simply vicarious. Let me go more into detail and make myself thoroughly understood. How is an avalanche first formed? A tiny ma.s.s of snow slips down from the top of some lofty mountain; that tiny ma.s.s is my original s.h.i.+lling. As the ma.s.s falls, it sets in motion other portions larger than itself. Gradually at first, and slowly, the little heap slides down the steep declivity. Its velocity increases, as does its volume--it at length becomes irresistible; enormously and indefinitely multiplied, it at last reaches the valley, no longer a tiny ma.s.s of snow, but a vast avalanche, which carries all before it, trees, rocks, and even villages being torn away by the irresistible force of the tremendous aggregation.
Such is the Great Avalanche System. I am 'A,' and I subscribe a s.h.i.+lling. I now call upon four of you to stand up, each in his place, and you four will each contribute but a humble s.h.i.+lling.”
All the adults in the congregation of Gilgal stood up as one man.
”No, my friends,” said the pastor, ”I need but four, but four female friends. Four of my sisters will be my 'B's,' my busy bees; each 'B'
will select four 'C's,' from each of whom she will obtain a s.h.i.+lling.
She will register their names and addresses, and request them to do as she herself has done, and each four 'D's' to contribute a similar amount; and so on, my friends, through all the letters of the alphabet.
”The human heart is hard. There are many of us who would look twice at that s.h.i.+lling if we were asked for it as a simple contribution. But it is not a simple contribution, for it carries with it a privilege--it enables the person who has paid his or her s.h.i.+lling to exact a similar amount from four personal friends; and though the original giver has contributed but a single s.h.i.+lling, that giver has the pleasure of handing in an amount which is practically incalculable. I know the world, my brethren, and I know that as a rule the world is very glad indeed to get off for a s.h.i.+lling. Alas, many of the most active contributors to the numerous Missionary Societies of this country never put a single penny into the missionary boxes with which they are always glad to be provided; for the missionary box is an outward and visible sign of respectability, and a perpetual rod in pickle for friends, relatives, and rebellious children.
”Already, my friends, in my mind's eye I see Gilgal standing proudly upon its own freehold, I see it provided with the roof it so much needs, and mentally I already dwell in the comfortable residence allotted to its pastor. I even hear the sweet strains of the much-desired American organ. And all this is no dream; in a few short weeks, my friends, it will be a delightful reality. And what will be our chief incentive to the work? Why the fact that all this money has been obtained, not from the little congregation of Gilgal, but from the Egyptian, from haughty Pharaoh and his countless host.”
Then he gave out the hymn.
Rev. Boanerges Smiter was right. The thing came off. The money poured in, and the Reverend Smiter's original s.h.i.+lling was turned, as by the touch of the enchanter's wand, into fifteen hundred pounds. Thirty thousand victims had been indirectly teased and pestered by Smiter, at the least possible amount of trouble to himself; but all had had their revenge, save the last batch, in finding four other s.h.i.+lling victims, and each of them had obtained for a ridiculously small sum a character for active benevolence. Who is there in this wicked world who would not consider a character for active benevolence cheap at a s.h.i.+lling?
It was indirectly due to Rev. B. Smiter that the vicar received the cruel snubbing which was a joke against him in King's Warren for the rest of his natural life. The congregation of Gilgal held open-air meetings upon the village green at the end of summer as a sort of counter demonstration to the harvest festivals of the church. There was no Salvation Army in those days, and in a little place like King's Warren even such a mild excitement as an open-air meeting is very welcome. Besides the real congregation on the village green there was always a considerable gallery of curious onlookers, ”scoffers,” as they were termed by the ”elect.” Rev. B. Smiter had been very successful at these meetings. They really did a certain amount of good, for some who had come to laugh remained to pray. In the particular summer to which I am referring Mr. Smiter had gone to the expense of engaging what in theatrical circles would be termed a popular favourite. This was the well-known 'Appy 'Arry.
'Appy 'Arry was a character in his way. He had been a noted pugilist; he had even fought for the champions.h.i.+p, and he took the punishment he received on that memorable occasion in a very plucky manner. If 'Arry had won the fight he would doubtless have subsided into the pugilist's well-merited haven of rest--a sporting public house. But the fates willed it otherwise, and 'Arry was converted and took to religion. The man was perfectly sincere, and many a rough fellow owed his conversion from drink and debauchery to 'Appy 'Arry. His was a rude kind of eloquence that went straight to the hearts of the majority of his male hearers. He would retail his exciting experiences as a pugilist and a drunkard with much gusto. He would tell in minute detail the history of his great but unsuccessful struggle for the champion's belt; and as he dilated on the wicked glories of his former life he would say with a pleasant smile, ”And was I 'appy, my brothers? No, I was not 'appy, for I hadn't got religion.”
Haggard and the vicar were looking on at one of the revival meetings, and 'Appy 'Arry was holding forth with his accustomed fervour.
”I've given it all up now. I don't a.s.sociate with the swells now. Many's the time, my brethren, as I've had on the gloves with dooks and baronites, and other sporting swells,” and here his eye fell upon the amused countenance of the Reverend John Dodd. ”Ay, and with fighting parsons, too,” he said.
The Reverend Jack blushed.
”But I looks on 'em now as men of sin; they used to be proud to shake 'ands with 'Arry in his bad days, but I've shook 'em off, my brothers, and I don't foregather now with the likes of them. Don't you think it's no yarns I'm telling you, my friends; why, there's one of 'em now, a-looking on. Oh, how I wish that fighting parson was as 'appy as I am now; and if he'd only listen to me in a proper spirit he might be; but he won't, my brethren, and why won't he? Because 'is 'art is 'ard.
Many's the merry round I've 'ad with the gloves with 'Andsome Jack Dodd, as is a-standing there. Why, he was one of my backers when I fought the butcher on Moulsey Hurst, and licked him, too, for the matter of that!
'Andsome Jack Dodd was proud to shake 'ands with 'Arry in those days.
But will 'Appy 'Arry shake hands with him now? No, my brethren. And for why? Becos he ain't got religion.”
And then the preacher sat down, and Haggard and the Rev. John Dodd beat a hasty retreat. Haggard told the story to Mrs. Dodd that very evening.
It was a rather mean thing to do, but Haggard was a man of impulse.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE VICAR TRIES PUFFIN.