Part 11 (1/2)
Jim lifted his head. He wiped his mouth with the pink linen napkin and set itaside. ”I feel like I'm in a dream, too.”
”A beautiful dream,” Alex whispered shyly.
”I don't ever want to wake up.”
She didn't either. The darkness beneath his eyes had increased. ”You need tosleep.”
”Yeah...” Jim frowned. ”Look, I don't want to impose on you, Alex-”
”The couch turns into a bed. You could stay here,” Alex offered quickly.
Relief flowed through him. ”I'll take you up on your kindness. To tell you thetruth, I'm short on money. I've got to get to a Western Union stationtomorrow, wire my folks for some money and let them know I arrived safelyStateside.”
”Of course.” Alex stood. ”Let me make your bed up. Could you use a hotshower?”
”How about a hot bath? I haven't had one since...well, a long time ago. I'dgive almost anything to just sit and soak in some hot water.”
She smiled gently. ”Come on, I'll show you where the bathroom's located andget you a towel and washcloth.”
Jim got up and followed her. His throat constricted with emotions that were inutter chaos. To come out of the damp, smelly cell where he'd been under thebrutal attention of the brig guards for four months into this clean, lovelyhome was too much to comprehend. Jim was sure he was experiencing some kind ofculture shock. Everything about Alex's home was clean, the odors tantalizing,and the colors soft, like her.
By the time Alex had made the couch into a bed, Jim appeared in theliving-room doorway. Alex had loaned him her huge, oversize blue terry-clothbathrobe, and although it barely fit, he didn't mind. He sure didn't want toput his damp clothes back on. Alex put an extra blanket at the bottom of thebed, in case he got cold.
”Come on, you look like you're going to keel over, Jim.”
”The bed does look good,” he agreed. Exhaustion was lapping at all his senses,and he heard himself slurring his words. Dropping his shoes and socks nearby,he sat down on the edge of the bed. He patted the mattress. ”Feels good, too.”
Alex moved to the doorway. ”Sleep as long as you want. I'll probably be uparound eight, and I've got the afternoon s.h.i.+ft at the hospital.”
”What time do you get off?”
”Nine p.m.”
Jim nodded. ”Good.”
”Why?”
”No reason. The way I'm feeling, I'll probably sleep all night and most oftomorrow.”
Alex wanted to kiss him, but she fought herself. Although he had held hertightly in his arms, he hadn't kissed her, hadn't said he loved her. Filledwith uncertainty, Alex whispered, ”Good night, Jim.”
”Good night, gal.”
The room grew quiet after Alex left. Soon, the kitchen light switched off andJim shrugged out of the robe. What little money he'd had was already spent.The clothes on his back had been purchased in Saigon before he'd boarded thefreedom bird for home- and for a new life.
Just the act of lying on a soft mattress, with clean white sheets, wasamazing. His brain was fogged with weariness as he shaped the pillow with hislong, spare fingers and closed his eyes. Alex. He was here, with her. At herhome. He'd found her, and she'd welcomed him. Did she love him? Was theresomething left of their long-ago experience on which to build? Everything wa.s.so uncertain. Jim sighed raggedly, spiraling into a dark, dreamless sleep-hisfirst in four months.
Alex awoke at eight in a euphoria of happiness. As she lay in her room, themorning sun peeking in through the white curtains at the window, she suddenlyremembered that Jim was here. Sitting up, her flannel granny gown rumpled,Alex pushed her hair out of her eyes. Jim was here.
Some of her happiness ebbed as she continued waking up. What she wanted wasJim in her bed-with her. The need to love him, to physically bond with him,was eating away at Alex. As she got up, took a hot shower and changed intodark green slacks and an ivory sweater, she felt giddy and nervous. Was heawake yet? She wondered how he'd slept last night- if he'd had any nightmares.
Tiptoeing to the living room, Alex felt her nervousness recede. Jim lay on hisleft side, sleeping deeply, the blankets pooled around his waist. Thomasinalay in his arms, and a smile tugged at Alex's mouth as the cat blinked awakeand stared across the room toward her.
Alex absorbed Jim's sleeping features. His hair was cut very short, and evenin the gloom of the living room, Alex could still see the welt of that evilscar. What had happened? She tucked her lower lip between her teeth, feelingpain. His pain. Jim's mouth was slightly parted, the tension he'd carried thenight before gone. Even the darkness beneath his long, spiky lashes had nearlydisappeared. He was sleeping well, his darkly haired chest rising and fallingslowly.
A newfound yearning cascaded through Alex. She carefully made her way out tothe kitchen. The pies for her patients would have to be packed and the cornbread, baked last week, taken from the freezer. She needed to be at thehospital by eleven so she'd have time to make sure the preparations forThanksgiving dinner went just right. Making a pot of coffee as quietly as shecould, Alex penned Jim a note and laid it nearby.
After feeding Thomasina, Alex puttered quietly around the house and did a loadof laundry. Eleven o'clock approached and Alex didn't want to go. She wantedto stay and watch Jim awaken, to talk to him and spend hours catching up onhis life. She had so many questions, so many blank spots that needed to befilled in. As she placed the pies in the car, Alex knew that they'd have thattime. Still, this was one day-even though it was special to her patients-thatshe wanted to pa.s.s quickly. By nine-thirty tonight she'd be home. Home. AndJim would be waiting for her. As Alex backed the car out of the driveway, shefelt as if her life was beginning all over again, excitement and fear vyingfor attention within her.
Alex was about to open her front door when Jim opened it for her. She smiledup at him. He was clean shaven, wearing the clothes she'd washed for him thatmorning. Shadows no longer lurked beneath his eyes, and there was a ruddinessto his complexion and a twinkle in his cobalt eyes.
”Hi!”
Jim smiled. ”Hi yourself, gal.”
Alex walked into the foyer and shed her coat. Jim took it and hung it up inthe hall closet.
”This is the first time I've seen you in a nurse's uniform,” he teased.Catching her hand, he pulled her to a stop. ”Hold on, let me take a good lookat you. Last night, I wasn't all here.”
Blus.h.i.+ng furiously, Alex stood still beneath his intense inspection. Touchingher hair nervously, she muttered, ”I look a mess right now-”
”No,” Jim said, ”you look purty as ever. You always will to me, Alex.” Hisfingers tightened around hers as he looked deeply into her lovely gray eyes.There was such beauty to her red lips and the way they parted beneath hishungry inspection. Jim hotly recalled his kissing Alex so long ago. That oneexquisite moment they'd shared had never left him, no matter how bad thingshad gotten.
Alex stood very still, her senses spinning. The look in Jim's eyes was makingher shaky inside. ”I-I'm scared,” she whispered.
He managed a one-cornered smile. ”So am I, gal. I'm scared of myself, of thefeelings I have for you. It's been so long, Alex, so long without you.”
She swallowed hard and nodded. Jim was so close. Just two steps and she wouldbe in his arms. But did he love her? What was left between them? ”I'm afraid of myself, of my feelings, too, if it makes you feel any better.” She laughednervously.
Jim released her hand, although he didn't want to. ”I have a proposal for you,Alex. It's something ... well, something I dreamed about while I was in LongBinh. Maybe it's a crazy dream, an impossible one....”
”What is it?” She held her breath.
Jim shrugged. ”I thought...well...that is, I'd like you to take some time offto be with me. I know this is sudden and unexpected. When I didn't receive anymore mail from you, I was afraid to propose the idea in a letter to you.” Heheld her l.u.s.trous gaze. ”We need time for ourselves, Alex. I guess that's whatI'm saying. I wired my folks this afternoon, and they sent me the money.”
She looked down at the carpet. ”My supervisor knew you were coming home.” Alextook in a ragged breath. ”I was hoping you'd ask. I took the week off, Jim,just in case you showed up here.”
”I'm glad you did, gal,” he whispered huskily. Reaching out, he caressedAlex's cheek, her skin velvety beneath his touch.
Braving her fear, Alex looked up as he cupped her cheek with his long, scarredfingers. ”Jim, I never stopped loving you. Not ever. You weren't some pa.s.singfancy to me. And it wasn't because of what happened in Vietnam, either.”
Aching to take her, to love her, Jim nodded, the words stuck in his throat ina big lump. Taking a step closer, he allowed his hand to fall on her smallshoulder. ”You're so brave,” he told her unsteadily, ”so brave. I hope, Alex,I can match your courage. Maybe this next week will tell us what we both needto know.”
Alex shut her eyes. She loved him so fiercely, unequivocally, that there wasonly one thing that she wanted from him: his love in return. ”I'll take thetime off, Jim,” she heard herself say, her voice sounding hollow with fear.
Chapter Eleven.