Part 29 (1/2)
”It's sweet of you to ask, but I haven't been hurt the way you have.”
”I did choose, Rylan. You understand that, don't you? Sybil did not hold a gun to my head. I chose that life.”
”Yes, I do understand, but tell me what you did as soon as the Barshaws gave you a different choice.”
Sabrina didn't answer. She didn't need to.
”And then,” Rylan went on, ”tell me what you did when you understood that Christ died for you?”
”I believed,” Sabrina said.
235 ”Why?” Rylan whispered, leaning a little closer to her. ”Why, my sweet Sabrina, would I ever hold your past over you and use it like a whip?”
”You wouldn't,” Sabrina whispered back.
They're eyes held for a long time. In fact they were still looking at each other when the Vicks returned with dessert.
”If someone asks me about us, are you comfortable with my telling them that we're working on a relations.h.i.+p?” Rylan asked Sabrina as he walked her home.
”I am comfortable with that,” Sabrina was able to say for the first time. The evening had been wonderful. Hard at times but still wonderful.
”I'm glad to hear it.”
”Rylan,” Sabrina suddenly asked, ”what would you do if word got out about my past?”
”That's not who you are in town, and that life is past. I guess I would tell folks the truth-that it was in the past, has nothing to do with today, and doesn't need to be discussed.”
”But would you be embarra.s.sed?”
”Of you?” Rylan sounded as astounded as he felt.
Sabrina would have looked at him, but it was dark.
”Sabrina,” Rylan said, ”I would be concerned only for your being hurt. Nothing you could do would embarra.s.s me.”
”You're too good to be true, Rylan.”
”Is that the way Callie feels about Danny?”
”I don't know,” Sabrina said, not having thought of it before but glad Rylan mentioned it. ”I just figured out that I need to write Callie. I think she could be a help to me right now.”
”That sounds like a good idea. I'll pray she'll have answers for you.”
”Goodnight, Rylan,” Sabrina said at Jeanette's front door.
236.
'Goodnight, Sabrina.”
”Are you ever going to tell me why call me Sabrina?”
”I plan on it, yes,” Rylan said, a smile in his voice as he wished her goodnight one more time and turned and walked away.
[Dear Collie,] Sabrina started her letter when she got to her room on Monday night. [ I need your help. I think I'm in love with Rylan Jarvik, and he says he loves me, but I fear for him. I feel I can't give myself to him completely because of all I've lost. He's so special that I don't feel worthy of his love. Did you ever feel that way about Danny? What did you do to get past the feeling of being damaged or used goods that no one would ever want? Is it too soon? Am I asking too much of myself, since last year at this time I was still living in the night district? ]
Sabrina stopped. The words had taken an lot out of her, and now her mind was swept back. She pictured each woman that she had lived with in the small apartments. Had any of them found a way out? Right across the hall had been Zoe. She was older, nearly 40 but trying to look 20. Wilma had been young-not as young as Sabrina but less educated and very trapped.
237 Tears poured down Sabrina's face as she remembered them and she cried out to G.o.d on their behalf. ”I couldn't stay, Lord,” she whispered, ”but I love those women. Please save them. Give them a hunger for You that will send them searching and not just accepting that dark life forever.”
Sabrina could not articulate another word. She sobbed at the small writing desk, her tears so harsh that Jeanette heard her. She stood in the hallway outside her bedroom, not sure what to do. Heather heard as well and came with a lantern, but neither woman disturbed her. They both returned to their bedrooms, hearts heavy but unsure they would ever know why.
”Well, now,” Sabrina said when she saw Crystal the next night. ”Taking the night off?”
”Yeah,” Crystal said, but she was pleased. It was the only dress she owned that was not meant to attract male attention. She didn't even remember having it until late in the day and almost on a whim put on the brown high-necked dress. She was aware that Sabrina always looked nice and hadn't wanted to be shown up.
The women took a table in the corner. It was a bit dark, but neither one seemed to mind.
”How are you liking it at the mansion?” Crystal asked right away.
”The mansion,” Sabrina said on a laugh. ”It's nice. They're all very sweet and treat me well.”
”They seem like your type.”
”How did you get started?” Sabrina asked, tired of wondering. ”Does it matter?”
”No, I was just curious.”
”I'll make a deal with you,” Crystal suggested. ”I'll answer questions if you answer questions.”
238 ”I think I can live with that,” Sabrina said, not as relaxed as she appeared.
”Why are you willing to talk to me?”
”My sister was a prost.i.tute. You're not all that scary.”
”Was?” Crystal asked, but Sabrina shook her head.
”My turn. How did you get started?”
Crystal laughed but still said, ”I grew up in this town, on the wrong side. My father taught me how to steal, but I didn't like spending time in jail. This turned out to be easier.”
So many questions sprang to mind, but Sabrina only nodded. ”How did your sister get out?”
”She was shrewd and beautiful. When a rich man came along who fell for her, she used every trick she knew to entice him, and it worked. They're married.”
”There was someone who wanted to marry me once,” Crystal volunteered, ”but he certainly wasn't rich. He was a bigger thief than my father, and I said no.”
”What happened to your father?”
”He tried a big job-robbing the train before it could get into town-and got shot.”