Part 5 (1/2)

A stupid thought. I push it away as readily as it comes, and I tell myself to keep it meaningless. He's good at s.e.x. So what. I can give him a b.l.o.w. .j.o.b that would make his head explode, and we'll be even.

I'll get right on that, as soon as all the nerves in my body stop firing off at random, sparkly intervals. It's like there are a million fairies gallivanting through my body having a freaking May Day celebration.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Cole settles my skirt back to the floor and rises in front of me. I don't want to look at him, although I can't quite figure out why. It's not that I don't want him still. I do.

I reach for him, my eyes still closed. He braces his arms on either side of my head and kisses me, long and slow and deep, as I slide my hand against the front of his pants, up and down his straining c.o.c.k.

”Open your eyes, Hailey.”

I shake my head.

”I have to go.”

d.a.m.n. My eyes fly open. It's bad form to beg to suck c.o.c.k, right? ”But you-”

”I'm a big boy. I'll be fine.”

”I don't mind,” I whisper, gripping him tighter. ”I mean, I want to return the favor. You made me feel so good, it's your turn.”

He presses his hips into my hand and kisses me again. This brush of his lips has a painful taste of finality. ”I mind. When you suck my c.o.c.k, it's going to be in private.”

When.

Holy s.h.i.+t.

”Go find your date and get home safely.” His words roll over me like gravel. We're both here on dates with other people. And just like that, the spell is broken.

”Right.” I stare at a spot over his shoulder as I squeeze my hands together, wondering where the h.e.l.l I dropped my purse. ”Excuse me.”

”Hailey.” He says my name like it's the start of a bigger statement, but no further words come. That's just fine. There aren't any words that can excuse partic.i.p.ating in cheating.

”Go find your date.” I repeat his words back to him, but where his were accidentally rough, mine are deliberately sharp.

He grips my jaw, turning my face toward his. ”She's nothing to me.”

”She's your girlfriend, Cole. Your word, not mine.”

”Not anymore.”

”I'm not sure she knows that.”

”She won't care.”

”That's...weird. And I don't care.”

”No lies between us, beautiful.”

I stare at him. At his gorgeous face, the hard lines and piercing gaze. There are so many lies between us already. ”Except about your work, right?”

Tension crackles between us. After a beat, he steps back, releasing me. It's like we didn't just share a spectacularly intimate moment. I'm frosty, he's p.i.s.sed...order has been restored to the universe, and I'm alone again.

Nothing new.

But for the first time, I'm not sure that solitude is better. Cole has the same drama spilling around him that my family does, but walking away from him? A million times harder.

I still do it, though. I'm not an idiot.

- - I tell myself to stop thinking about Cole's fingers inside me. His steely gaze piercing my soul as he watches me come undone for him. His taunting words sliding under my skin as I rail against him. My hate should push him away, but it just seems to turn him on, like I'm a challenge he can conquer.

I don't like to think about how easily that's proven true. So I need to move on.

It's been a week. I can still taste myself on his lips. That's hardly progress.

I make lists of all the reasons I should never see him again. For one thing, I'm Georgetown and he's Dupont Circle. Actually, more the scuzzy K Street type. Even before the fifty shades of moral gray area behavior, we're already two very different people.

And there was the girlfriend, or whatever Penny was to him. Some kind of complicated relations.h.i.+p I can't wrap my head around.

The murder cover-up.

How bossy he is.

But that just leads to a pros list, because he might be bossy in the bedroom.

And he seems to like how soft I am, all over, and my gigantic b.o.o.bs.

Plus, no matter how hard he drives against my body, how firmly he grips my wrists as he pins me in place and rips pleasure from my body, I know he'd never hurt or embarra.s.s me.

But he'll always be an enigma, and o.r.g.a.s.ms-even earth-shattering ones-can't make up for secrets and lies.

As if the mere thought of amoral behavior is like a Bat signal for my older sister, my phone pings at me. An email from Taylor.

I stare at the screen for a minute. The subject line is blank because she knows if she gives the topic away, I'm less likely to click. Ha. Joke's on her. I'm not going to click anyway.

I'm not going to delete it. It'll sit there, forever, a little bolded electronic line to remind me of how far we've drifted apart. We've never been close, not like the relations.h.i.+p I have with Alison, but this is my big sister. Up until high school, she was my closest friend, by virtue of sharing a playroom.

We definitely don't share a playroom anymore. Sometimes it feels like we're not even playing in the same arena.

I tuck my phone back in my purse, slap on a baseball hat and oversized sungla.s.ses, and head for the Metro station. There haven't been any photographers bothering me in weeks, but covering up is a better-safe-than-sorry plan.

It was good to get back to work this week, and today Taryn and I are going out for sus.h.i.+ at lunch to celebrate my return to normalcy-all I have to do is pretend my scandal-loving sibling doesn't want to talk to me for some reason.

At the staff meeting, Ellen announces that the budget looks like it might have room for a new hire in the summer. She doesn't look at me, but Taryn does, and I bite my lip to keep from grinning. I'd be thrilled to keep working at the employment agency after my interns.h.i.+p is over.

I'm floating on a cloud as we head for lunch, but it doesn't last long, because Alison texts me as we arrive at the restaurant. I shoo Taryn inside and take a deep breath before reading the message. Did you get Taylor's email? Family meeting tonight.

I feel a momentary stab of guilt over the tentative way my siblings tiptoe around contacting me. On the other hand...I did see Taylor's email and I didn't open it. So there's some responsibility for the dysfunction sitting on my shoulders. That uncomfortable fact isn't easily shook off. Haven't read it yet. Probably can't make it.

Alison calls me next. I take a deep breath before answering on the third ring. ”Hey. I'm on my way into lunch, so...”

”Don't hey me.” For a nineteen-year-old, my baby sister is such an old soul. A little mother, always has been. A refres.h.i.+ng change since our actual mother never cared for that role. ”This is important.”