Part 18 (1/2)

The word frigidity means coldness, and when a woman has no desire for s.e.xual relations or experiences no pleasure when she has s.e.xual relations, she is said to be frigid.

Some cases suffer only from lack of desire, others only from lack of pleasure, and still others from both. In some cases the frigidity is congenital, that is, the lack of desire with inability to experience pleasure during the act is inborn. In most cases, however, it is acquired, or is only temporary, and is due to various causes.

Frigidity is much more widespread among women than it is among men.

Some physicians claim it is present in fifty per cent. of all women.

This may be an exaggeration, but if we put the number at twenty-five per cent. we will be quite near the truth.

The causes of frigidity in women are many, but here are the most important ones: First and foremost is the repression of all s.e.xual manifestations which the unmarried woman has to practice, and has had to practice for many centuries. So that a part of the frigidity is hereditary. You cannot entirely eradicate a natural instinct, but that by continually repressing it, by giving it no chance to a.s.sert itself, you may weaken it--about this there can be no question.

The second cause is masturbation. Cases that have been addicted to excessive masturbation are very apt to develop not only frigidity, but complete aversion to the s.e.xual act, and inability to experience any pleasure or o.r.g.a.s.m. Such cases we come across every day.

A third very important cause is s.e.xual weakness in the husband. When the husband is s.e.xually weak (suffering with premature e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns) he either fails to awaken the s.e.xual instinct in the woman, or if it has been awakened it is apt to turn not only into frigidity but into aversion to the act.

The fourth cause is often merely dislike towards the husband. The last two causes, weakness of the husband and dislike towards him, are unfortunately very frequent, and a wife who was frigid with one husband may show herself very pa.s.sionate on marrying another man.

The fifth cause is fear of pregnancy.

The above are the five princ.i.p.al causes. Other causes may be disease of the uterus, laceration of the cervix, inflammation of the ovaries, vaginismus, disease of the thyroid gland, etc.

It is an unfortunate fact that women who were frigid up to the age of forty or so may become very pa.s.sionate after that age.

As to the treatment of frigidity, little or nothing can be done for frigidity that is congenital. Most of the other kinds of frigidity, however, can be cured.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

ADVICE TO FRIGID WOMEN, PARTICULARLY WIVES

Advice to Frigid Women--Att.i.tude of Different Men Towards Frigid Wives--o.r.g.a.s.m a Subjective Feeling--A Justifiable Innocent Deception--The Case of a Demi-Mondaine.

I wish to give you a piece of advice which is of extremely great importance to you. I hesitated somewhat before writing this chapter, but the welfare of so many women depends upon following this advice, and I have seen the lives of so many wives spoiled on account of not having followed it, that I decided to devote a few words to the subject.

As you know, about one-third or one-quarter of all women (in other words, one out of every three or four) are s.e.xually frigid. They either have little or no s.e.xual desire, or if they do have, they experience no voluptuous sensation during the act, and never have an o.r.g.a.s.m. If you are unmarried, well and good. But if you are married and happen to belong to the frigid type, then _don't inform your husband of the fact_. It may lead to great and permanent trouble. Some husbands don't care. Some are even glad if their wives are frigid.

They can then consult their own wishes in the matter, they can have intercourse whenever they want and _the way they want_. They do not have to accommodate themselves to their wives' ways, they do not have to prolong the act until she gets the o.r.g.a.s.m, etc. In short, some husbands consider a frigid wife a blessing, a G.o.d-sent treasure. But, as I mentioned several times before, in s.e.xual matters every man is a law unto himself, and some men feel extremely bad and displeased when they find out that their wives have ”no feeling.” Some become furious, some become disgusted. Some lose all pleasure in intercourse, and some claim to be unable to have intercourse with any woman who is not properly responsive. Some begin to go to other women, while some threaten or demand a divorce (of course, such men cannot really love their wives; they may use their wives' frigidity as an _excuse_ to get rid of them).

Now, a man has no way of knowing whether a woman has a feeling during the act or not, whether or no she enjoys it, whether or no she has an o.r.g.a.s.m. These are subjective feelings, and the man cannot know them unless you tell him. If you belong to the independent kind, if you scorn simulation and deceit, if, as the price of being perfectly truthful, you are willing if necessary to part with your husband or give him a divorce, well and good. You are a free human being, and n.o.body has a right to tell you what to do with your body. But if you care for your husband, if you care for your home and perhaps children, and do not want any disruption, then the only thing for you to do is not to apprise your husband of your frigid condition. And it won't hurt you to simulate a feeling which you do not experience, and even to imitate the o.r.g.a.s.m. He won't be any the wiser, he will enjoy you more, and n.o.body will be injured by your little deception, which is after all a species of white lie, and is n.o.body's business but your own. An innocent deception which hurts n.o.body, but, on the contrary, benefits all concerned, is perfectly permissible.

It may seem rather strange publicly to give advice to deceive and to simulate. And it is undoubtedly the first time that this advice has been given in print. But as I have only one religion--the greatest happiness of the greatest number--I repeat that I can see nothing wrong in advising something which benefits everybody (concerned) and hurts n.o.body. More than one household which was threatened with disruption was preserved safe and sound by a little simple advice which I gave to the wife, without the husband's knowledge. He was satisfied, and things after that ran smoothly.

Some women are afraid to simulate a voluptuous or orgastic feeling, because they think the husband can discover whether their feeling is genuine or they are only simulating. (Women, and men too, have funny ideas on s.e.xual subjects). This is not so. A notorious demi-mondaine, who was greatly sought because she was known to be so ”pa.s.sionate,”

confessed that not once in her life did she enjoy intercourse or experience an o.r.g.a.s.m. But her mother, who also suffered with absolute frigidity, taught her to simulate pa.s.sion, telling her that in that way she could make barrels of money; which she did.

It is deplorable that wives--or husbands--should ever be obliged to have recourse to deception or simulation; perfect frankness should be the ideal to be striven after. But under our present social conditions and with the present moral code, an occasional white lie is the lesser of two evils; it may be the least of a dozen evils.