Part 17 (1/2)

Are _you_ going to appeal to me as the head of the family next?”

It was exactly what Arnold was about to do. But it was plain that if he admitted it just then Sir Patrick (for some unintelligible reason) would decline to listen to him. He answered cautiously, ”I asked leave to consult you in private, Sir; and you kindly said you would give me the opportunity before I left Windygates?”

”Ay! ay! to be sure. I remember. We were both engaged in the serious business of croquet at the time--and it was doubtful which of us did that business most clumsily. Well, here is the opportunity; and here am I, with all my worldly experience, at your service. I have only one caution to give you. Don't appeal to me as 'the head of the family.' My resignation is in Lady Lundie's hands.”

He was, as usual, half in jest, half in earnest. The wry twist of humor showed itself at the corners of his lips. Arnold was at a loss how to approach Sir Patrick on the subject of his niece without reminding him of his domestic responsibilities on the one hand, and without setting himself up as a target for the shafts of Sir Patrick's wit on the other.

In this difficulty, he committed a mistake at the outset. He hesitated.

”Don't hurry yourself,” said Sir Patrick. ”Collect your ideas. I can wait! I can wait!”

Arnold collected his ideas--and committed a second mistake. He determined on feeling his way cautiously at first. Under the circ.u.mstances (and with such a man as he had now to deal with), it was perhaps the rashest resolution at which he could possibly have arrived--it was the mouse attempting to outmanoeuvre the cat.

”You have been very kind, Sir, in offering me the benefit of your experience,” he began. ”I want a word of advice.”

”Suppose you take it sitting?” suggested Sir Patrick. ”Get a chair.” His sharp eyes followed Arnold with an expression of malicious enjoyment.

”Wants my advice?” he thought. ”The young humbug wants nothing of the sort--he wants my niece.”

Arnold sat down under Sir Patrick's eye, with a well-founded suspicion that he was destined to suffer, before he got up again, under Sir Patrick's tongue.

”I am only a young man,” he went on, moving uneasily in his chair, ”and I am beginning a new life--”

”Any thing wrong with the chair?” asked Sir Patrick. ”Begin your new life comfortably, and get another.”

”There's nothing wrong with the chair, Sir. Would you--”

”Would I keep the chair, in that case? Certainly.”

”I mean, would you advise me--”

”My good fellow, I'm waiting to advise you. (I'm sure there's something wrong with that chair. Why be obstinate about it? Why not get another?)”

”Please don't notice the chair, Sir Patrick--you put me out. I want--in short--perhaps it's a curious question--”

”I can't say till I have heard it,” remarked Sir Patrick. ”However, we will admit it, for form's sake, if you like. Say it's a curious question. Or let us express it more strongly, if that will help you.

Say it's the most extraordinary question that ever was put, since the beginning of the world, from one human being to another.”

”It's this!” Arnold burst out, desperately. ”I want to be married!”

”That isn't a question,” objected Sir Patrick. ”It's an a.s.sertion. You say, I want to be married. And I say, Just so! And there's an end of it.”

Arnold's head began to whirl. ”Would you advise me to get married, Sir?”

he said, piteously. ”That's what I meant.”

”Oh! That's the object of the present interview, is it? Would I advise you to marry, eh?”

(Having caught the mouse by this time, the cat lifted his paw and let the luckless little creature breathe again. Sir Patrick's manner suddenly freed itself from any slight signs of impatience which it might have hitherto shown, and became as pleasantly easy and confidential as a manner could be. He touched the k.n.o.b of his cane, and helped himself, with infinite zest and enjoyment, to a pinch of snuff.)

”Would I advise you to marry?” repeated Sir Patrick. ”Two courses are open to us, Mr. Arnold, in treating that question. We may put it briefly, or we may put it at great length. I am for putting it briefly.

What do you say?”