Part 27 (2/2)

”We do,” she said fiercely. ”I did a lot of things wrong. I'm not denying any of that. But you need to know the truth about that day.” She paused and I gave her a nod to continue. ”A friend of mine had been getting cravings again. I went and sat with her to make sure she didn't use.” Tears s.h.i.+mmered in her eyes. ”I didn't even realize the time until I was walking out her door, trading places with her husband who'd just come home. I r-raced to get to you, but I didn't... I didn't m-make it. I called Derek and he told me you'd already left to celebrate with your friends.”

My thoughts were whirling. After everything that'd had happened between us, I'd never considered giving her the benefit of the doubt on the day of my graduation. It just became another way she failed me. I never considered an excuse for any of it, knowing that if I did I'd lose some of my anger.

”Why didn't you tell me?” I asked. But I already knew the answer, and based on the sad look she was giving me, she knew I did, too.

”Derek said it's because my guilt overrode everything else. And he was right. I became okay with you laying all the blame on me because I felt I deserved it. And while I did deserve some of it, I should have been honest with you. I should have done a lot of things. But I felt I deserved all your anger.”

”Maybe you did,” I started, remembering something Damien said, that my emotions weren't limited to one thing. I rushed on so she didn't feel bad again. ”But you also deserved my understanding, my compa.s.sion, my... love. I thought it had to be one or the other. It didn't. And I'm... I'm so sorry, Mom.”

She reached her hand out and I gladly took it. ”Don't be.” She looked around the hospital room and pinched her eyes shut like she was in pain. ”I'm sorry. I can't believe I just got you back, and I've already dragged you here.”

I didn't respond. I didn't say it was okay, because it wasn't. None of it had been. But for once, I didn't make it worse. I didn't add to her guilt when she clearly had enough of it. I played with one of the hospital bands on her wrist as I prepared myself for the toughest question.

”Was it because of me?”

”What?” The word came out on a gasp, expressing her surprise, confusion, and anger all at once. My gaze had been focused on her hand, but I forced myself to look into her eyes.

”Why... why were you in that situation in the first place? Was it because of me? Because I'd been so hard on you?”

”No.” She didn't even hesitate, and despite the weakness she must have been feeling, she tugged on my hand to really drive the point home. ”Absolutely not, Naomi. That was my mistake, and my mistake alone. Your feelings weren't unfounded. I can't imagine what I put you through, and I hate that I did that.” Some of her tears finally fell as I felt my own eyes welling up for the bajillionith time. ”It was stressful because I didn't want to let you down again. I know that might not make much sense.”

I gave her a small smile. ”I don't think addiction makes any kind of sense.”

”No, I suppose it doesn't.” She smiled sadly as she reached out and stroked my necklace. ”You know what finally got me clean?” She didn't wait for my answer before continuing. ”I started thinking about missing your graduation. It had been an accident, but how many more events was I losing? Would I miss your college graduation, too? Your wedding? Would I ever get to hold my grandchildren?” She sniffled. ”Would I ever get to see Derek sing again? What about his wedding? His children? I knew he'd probably let me back in, but I wanted to be better for both of you.” My mother closed her eyes in pain. ”But we're still here. It's like nothing has changed.”

”That's not true. You've changed. I've changed... or I'm trying to at least.” I grabbed hold of my necklace. ”I can't promise I won't get mad, I probably will. But that's because I don't want anything to happen to you. You're my mother and I love you. But I can promise I'll come back. I'll always come back.”

Her smile was wide and bright despite her tears. ”I love you, too. And I can't promise I won't relapse, either. I'm an addict and I'll always struggle. But I can promise if I do relapse, I'll fight back ten times as hard to make sure it doesn't happen again.”

We both nodded, acknowledging that we'd stay flawed, but that it wouldn't change our love. After several silent minutes, I remembered something. I could give her one of those moments back right now.

Slowly disentangling our hands, I reached down and fumbled around in my bag before pulling it out. ”I came to see you that day because... well... I got in.” I held out the Yale acceptance letter and watched her eyes widen as she shuffled up in bed. She winced and fiddled with some tubes.

”Don't move, I can-”

”Hush,” she said. ”Let me see.” She smiled like nothing else mattered, like she wasn't lying in a hospital bed after having her stomach pumped. She was acting like she would have if we were in some alternate universe, where we were sitting in a five-star restaurant, eating expensive food and celebrating my admission like any other normal family.

I watched her eyes fly over the paper as she mouthed the words. Her lips began to quiver and she brought one hand up to quiet her sob. ”Oh my G.o.d,” she murmured in wonder. Lifting her eyes to mine, she set the paper aside and held out her arms. ”Naomi...”

I leaned forward, taking care of all the wires and tubes, and gently wrapped my arms around her.

”I'm so proud of you. I never doubted for a second you'd get in.”

”Thanks. Me neither.”

We pulled back, laughing. My mom lightly pinched my cheek. ”So humble.”

”I try.”

A knock sounded and the door opened a crack.

”Hey.” Mark poked his head in, his smile widening as he took the two of us in. ”Is there room for two more?” He pulled it back further to reveal Derek. My brother gave me a sheepish look, his eyes holding more apologies than he could ever voice. He looked nervous, but I was done being angry with the people I loved. I was done missing out on our time together just so I could hold a grudge.

”Of course,” my mom said. Mark walked straight to her, revealing flowers he had hidden behind his back. She blushed and thanked him as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss. When he pulled back his expression was more serious. He brushed her hair away from her forehead and spoke to her in soft whispers. She also looked solemn as she kept nodding and rea.s.suring him she was okay.

”Hey.” Derek came up and dropped his arm over my shoulders.

”Hi.” I leaned into him and wrapped one arm around his middle, giving him a squeeze.

I felt him kiss the side of my head before whispering, ”We good?”

”Always.”

Naomi spent all day yesterday with her mother. And I spent all of yesterday waiting in the hallway in case she needed anything. The only time I left was to head outside and take a phone call from Grayson. He informed me that no charges were filed against Naomi's mother. Despite Naomi's knowledge of drugs being present, the paramedics found none when they arrived. And I knew, instantly I knew, Naomi had gotten rid of them. For all her talk of how horrible she'd been, despite all her fears and anger, she would protect her family. Always.

When I brought her home last night, I made love to her slowly. It was a promise. A promise that I loved her, she could trust me, we were partners and I'd never leave her.

That happy promise was cast in a shadow this morning when Naomi mentioned her graduation, which was in a couple of days. She was talking a mile a minute about how happy she was that her mother would be allowed to leave her month-long rehabilitation center in order to attend.

”How's your mom doing?” I asked as I put a cup of coffee in front of her and kissed her temple. When I leaned back her eyes were closed and the tiniest of smiles graced her lips.

”Better. I think we're gonna be okay.” I sat down across from her and just stared. Catching me, she looked up and smiled wider. When I didn't return her smile, hers fell. ”Are we okay?” she asked, a nervous. .h.i.tch to her voice.

My gaze wandered around her face, finally landing on her eyes. ”I really love you... you know that, right?” She began nodding, a slightly confused expression on her face, but I didn't let her say anything. ”Naomi, you are one of the strongest people I know, and there's no doubt in my mind that you could be by yourself and be okay. But you don't have to be, as amazing as you are, you don't need to be alone.” My voice was calm and confident as I continued. ”I'm not as good with arguments and words like you are, we both know that... even if I can't always admit it.” Her lips tipped up into a trembling smile as a single tear ran down her face. ”So I know there is no way I'd ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me. You'll never know how much I love you. But I need you to understand you can trust me.

”Love isn't always safe, Naomi. It can destroy you. But I need you to trust that I would never do that to you. I'll always be on your side, and by your side. No matter what. Even if you go to Yale. Nothing will change. Nothing-”

My words were cut off as I watched Naomi stand and walk around the table to straddle me. Her hands immediately dove into my long hair and she yanked me to her, slamming our mouths together. I groaned as I clutched her waist, feeling the soft cotton of my T-s.h.i.+rt beneath my fingers.

I'd pursued her, and I thought I knew the effect she would have on me. I thought I understood how completely she'd own me. I hadn't had a f.u.c.king clue. Because now I sat here, feeling her in every part of me, wondering how I was ever going to give her up.

She pulled away, heavy pants filling the s.p.a.ce between us, as she looked down at me with love in her eyes.

”I'm not leaving,” she said with a bright smile. I felt the air leave my lungs in a giant puff before I froze.

”What?” My eyes darted between hers, the nervous action betraying the calmness in my voice.

”I'm not going to Yale. How can I?” Naomi shrugged like it was obvious and leaned forward to kiss me once more.

”No, no, no...” I gripped her hands and pulled them from around my neck. ”I can't ask you to stay.”

She feigned looking hurt. ”Are you trying to get rid of me?”

”Be serious.” I leaned forward, kissing her shoulder and inhaling the delicious fruity scent of her.

”Going to Yale wasn't the dream,” she said quietly, her breath tickling my ear as she leaned down and rested her head against my shoulder. ”Going to law school was all I really wanted. Going to school here won't change that. In fact, University of Carillo is actually in the top twenty percent of law schools.” I lifted her s.h.i.+rt and rested my palms on her bare lower back.

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