Part 18 (1/2)

In a cooking pot.

26.

Now many in such circ.u.mstances would have cried for mercy. Begged their tormentors for release. But George put on the bravest face and not a word said he. For after all, he had done a deal with G.o.d.

He had had prayed that the good Lord would take his life in exchange for sparing Ada's. prayed that the good Lord would take his life in exchange for sparing Ada's.

True, he had shortly after revoked this plea with a plaintive, 'Oh please spare me, baby Jesus.' But the Almighty was not to be toyed around with and if He, in His ultimate wisdom, had decreed that the deal was done, then so the deal was done.

George s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably. It was growing hot.

'I hope these natives put me out of my misery before the real cooking sets in,' said George, perhaps addressing G.o.d. 'Although I have read that the more terrible the martyrdom, the more rewards are stored up in Heaven for the martyr. Not that I consider myself to be a martyr, of course. I confess that I have not been the very best of Christians and for that I apologise-Ow ouch!'

A native, with a bone through his nose, and no doubt a blowpipe back in his hut, tossed a few more f.a.ggots of wood onto the fire that crackled away beneath the cooking pot.

Other natives held what looked to be marshmallows upon sticks towards the flames.

'Nice for starters,' George observed. Then carried on his one-sided chit-chat with G.o.d.

'I have tried tried to be a good person ouch!' he continued. 'I do not think that I have ever ow knowingly done ooh that hurts harm to anyone and I was supposed to be on some kind of sacred quest. I think perhaps I should have spoken to you personally about that, butI oh ohh ow aaaaaagh . . .' to be a good person ouch!' he continued. 'I do not think that I have ever ow knowingly done ooh that hurts harm to anyone and I was supposed to be on some kind of sacred quest. I think perhaps I should have spoken to you personally about that, butI oh ohh ow aaaaaagh . . .'

And that was that for George's conversation.

'Help!' screamed George at the top of his voice. 'Somebody help me, ple-'

And a native with a bone through his nose, and a catapult in his hut, for he was too young for a blowpipe, stuck an apple, or indeed the tropical equivalent thereof, right into George's mouth, staunching further screams from the coming dinner.

George thrashed about as best he could, which was not much at all. It was all hurting far too greatly now to permit any lucid thought of further colloquy with the Almighty.

It is strange indeed what fills your head when you think that your end is near. The possibilities are almost infinite. Repentance for past transgressions. Regret for not having done the things that one should have done. Thoughts of loved ones and of hated ones. Thoughts of the unfairness of life in general. Thoughts of G.o.d in particular.

Though rarely enough, it might be supposed, a muse upon 'irony'.

'How d.a.m.ned ironic,' went words in George's head, for they no longer left his mouth. 'I am hungrier now than I ever have been and I end my days as food.'

And there might, of course, have been a moral there, but if so it was lost upon poor George.

The natives continued their dinner dance, the sun shone down from on high, the jungle in its beauty rose around.

George did inward screamings that his misery would cease.

But George knew that his life was almost done.

So he missed it when the first of the natives screamed and fell to the ground. He also missed the second, third and fourth. He became aware quite shortly thereafter, though, that something odd was afoot when, howling madly, all the natives ran.

And he would have a vague recollection of hairy figures bounding into the village hurling coconuts. And one, who wore a salt-stained fez, hauling him from the pot.

George Fox opened wide his eyes and then beheld an angel.

'Well,' said George. 'At least I have gone to Heaven.'

Or indeed he might well have said something very much like this had he been able to speak, but as there was an apple jammed into his mouth, he did not.

But then the apple was wrenched from his mouth and George beheld a demon. He had not reached Heaven at all, but gone to the other place.

The demon sniffed at the apple, then took to munching upon it. The angel, once more in George's vision, asked, 'George, are you all right?'

George did blinkings of the eyes, as anyone would do in such circ.u.mstances, then said, 'Ada . . .'

Then he said no more.

When George awoke this time he found Ada's face anxiously looking down upon his own. He became aware that he was lying on a bed of straw, within a rude mud hut. A blowpipe hung on an earthen wall, beside a shrunken head.

'Ada,' said George. 'Ada, you are alive.'

'And you also,' said Ada. 'Although it was touch and go.'

'But how?' asked George, and Ada told him how.

'It was all too mad,' said Ada Lovelace. 'All too terribly mad. The horrors of the great dining hall with people being bowled about as if they were nothing at all. And you up in the air in your magic bubble how ever was that done?'

But George just shook his head.

'Then there was all the mad fighting over the lifeboats. People were overcrowding them and they didn't know how to get them loose from the wreck. Now, as you know, I was well acquainted with one particular lifeboat and I made my way to it as best I could. I had it all to myself, then Darwin arrived, carrying the professor, who had been knocked unconscious. And obviously I could not leave him behind, because he is such a good man and knows what is for the best.'

George let this one pa.s.s without comment and Ada continued with her tale.

'I released the lifeboat and rowed very hard,' said Ada.

'You rowed?' said George.

'The professor felt that it was for the best.'

And George Fox ground his teeth.

'The lifeboat was not too crowded. There was just me, Darwin, the professor and young Master Hitler, the wine waiter.'

'Ah,' said George. 'Well, I am so happy that he came to no harm.'

Ada gave George a certain look, then carried on with her tale.

'It was simply awful, George,' she said. 'I saw you sail away into the sky and there was nothing I could do. I could only hope that you would be safe. Not a lot of people survived the crash, I don't think. Half a dozen lifeboats full at most. I saw a lifeboat with the Venusians in and another with those fat Jovians. Laughing away like mad they were, enjoying every minute. But then the Empress sank and the storm went on for hours. When dawn came we saw the island and came ash.o.r.e. Only three other lifeboats survived, I think, or perhaps the others made land on another island. We all made camp on the beach, then the professor told me that it would be for the best if I went into the jungle to forage for food. Darwin came with me and we met with a tribe of monkeys. They led us here and here we found you in the pot. Which is all of my story really what did you think of it?'

'I think I am impressed,' said George, now sitting up and feeling at his parts. 'I think most of it is true.'